Deviancy!

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Thursday, 21 October 2010

UGRH!!!


Hi anyone,
Today has been just a really shitty day! I overslept and had to go in early to finish my project, which meant that I didn’t get my lye-in this morning.
(me = no sleep = bitch lol)
Then I got in and spent AGES doing my project to then find out that my hair appointment was booked for noon rather than 5pm like I asked, which meant that I spent about 20 minutes on the phone explaining how I had been re-scheduled. I then found out that she had not actually booked my appointment AT ALL, so I now have one early tomorrow morning ... which means no lye-in. AGAIN!
 (me = no sleep = bitch lol)
Then I had to wait around college until 6pm as my phone ran out of charge and so I had to wait for my dad to pick me up when we agreed. But I soon remembered that he was picking my up in town, so I had to rush in there and realised we hadn’t said where to meet, so I had to get the bus home. I missed the first one :’( and then I had to get another bus to go to my mum’s as they had left and rather than a 5 minute drive for my dad to get me, I had a 30 minute walk. Not fun.

But ok, so that was my rant for today. So tonight it is a double-bill, as they technically found out the same night: Chris and Joe.

So I was at another party, about a week or two after I told Dana, when I FINALLY got to meet the famous Joe. She was always talking about him, as they had become best friends since the start of college; which meant I was always hearing their crazy stories. One such one was that despite being gay, most of Joe’s friends did not know and therefore thought that him and Dana were either dating or fucking. So they had some fun with it. So at first I arrived early and so did Joe, so we made (very) small talk until Dana came, and strangely enough once she did show we got on like a house on fire. So us three got talking and eventually something happened. Chris made the comment “OMG! We should so set Jack ad Joe up!” which made my heart stop as I hadn’t actually told Chris yet :/ But this was the point where he had figured it out: our reaction. He later explained that he had heard some rumours – I have had these rumours since I was about 13 so I am used to them ... kinda – and so he made that comment to ‘test them’. They were right.
But at the time we covered it up and fooled ourselves into believing Chris was fooled. So we later moved into the tent (did I mention it was a camping-sleep over?) and sat down and drank and chatted. Dana pretty much forced me to come out straight away to Joe, but I didn’t mid as I knew he was gay and I didn’t know him personally at that point. Then we got into the swing of things and started to knock back the drinks and we got slightly drunk, and me and Joe were flirting ... I think :/ My memory of this night is kind of vague, but I do remember trying to play footsie with him and I think he did too ... but that may have been the drink. But regardless, before I had a chance to make my move on him, I threw up and went home. At the time I wasn’t that annoyed, but it wasn’t until after that I realised what a mistake I had made. A few days later, I went around Dana’s house for dinner and it occurred to me how jealous I was of Jake as he had apparently taken off his trousers to keep Joe warm, and all I was thinking was ‘OMG! Why couldn’t that have been me?!” and “Why did I have to go?!”. It was at this point I realised how much I liked Joe ... but that is another story for another time.

So my advice for today? Just do it! I say get it over and done with. Its like ripping off a bandaid; once it is off you can’t go back, but is over and done with ... and worst case scenario ... the air will get at it and time will heal all. It’s better to be out of the closet without true friends, then in it with false ones.
Hope this helped
Jack xx

2 comments:

jaygeemmm said...

OK, so here's my take.

I have some amazing friends. We laugh together, cry together, we've been there for each other through some pretty bad times (house fire, family deaths, school disasters) and some truly awesome times (adventuring all over the country, weddings, births)...we have literally been in situations where we had each others' lives in our respective hands. These are my true friends. If anything, I've been false to them by hiding my true self, but at this point in my life, I'm not sure how they'd react to a revelation like my sexual orientation. I've already had about 90% of the people I thought were friends abandon me when "the event" (a coming blog post) occurred. I can't lose the few I've got left.

So while I share the desire to rip the bandaid off, I'm not so sure I can live with the very real possibility of horrible consequences. I suspect there's a lot of us like this, or we'd all come screaming out of the closet in a heartbeat!

Thanks for the great perspective!

Peace <3
Jay

Jack said...

Your welcome :)
Thank you!
Jack xx

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