Deviancy!

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Monday, 18 October 2010

The Shit Continues and Dana Umlaut

Ok, so I have literally just found out that ANOTHER one of my friends has been hit by a car. Fortunately, he was not seriously hurt and escaped with just a scar. But when will people learn to drive safely, carefully and responsibly?! It shouldn’t be that hard: if you can’t do it ... don’t! I am sick and tired of people thinking that they can do what they want and getting away with it, I am not saying that they should be condemned, but they should be made responsible and face the consequences.
Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

But I’m not going to let this get me down or off-track. Today’s the turn of my friend ... Dana Umlaut. (Yes it’s a pseudonym lol)
Ok, so similarly to Jake, I had been talking to Oliver about Dana and it was actually a toss-up between her and Jake as to who I told first. I even had the perfect opportunity only a few days before, as she came over to my house and we had a really deep conversation about how she is confused about her sexuality (is she gay or bi or straight ... sound familiar?) But in the end I decided to hold my tongue as I was still not 100% on the idea of coming out.
So one day we were on our way to a party (Me, Jake and our friend had just had a conversation about how we all love each other and want to share everything), so I was geared up for coming out to someone. I just wasn’t sure who. We met Dana on the way to the party and it was then that I decided I would tell her; so we decided to walk down a different route the house in question and instead we turned down the back alleyway. No pun intended ;) lol.
I tried on several times to tell her that I was bi/gay/confused and even approached the subject of her confusion a couple of times. But each time I chickened out and must have sounded like a complete idiot. I must have stalled for at least 15-20 minutes at which point the pressure was unbearable. Eventually I just stopped walking (as we were basically outside the party) and tried again. This failed. I told myself that I HAD TO DO IT, for me, so I just stood there and told her. Blunt and straight to the point ... I’m Bi. I knew that she would accept me no matter what, as she is also bi (why do I have so many bi friends? :/ ) but I was more nervous as I knew once I told so many people, it would be irreversible. Once you’re out of the closet, you can’t go back in easily. You can come further out, but not back. I realised that even with my confusion, I was at least bi-curious so I decided to tell her that I was bi ... I mean the worst that can happen is that I realise I  am gay and then it is far easier to tell her, then start from scratch. Right?
So once I told her, she gave me a massive hug and repeatedly told me how proud she was of me. This was a real confidence booster for me as it showed me how I had made the right decision and highlighted how I should have done it AGES ago. I even missed most of the party stood outside talking and gossiping with her – fortunately at the time we socially smoked (smoke at parties) so we had an excuse to be outside and alone – but I’m sure people thought there was something going on between us. How wrong they were lol. I completely opened my heart to her, I told her about Oliver, my confusion and about my feelings for Jake ... which we had a laugh at as she has a thing for his girlfriend. Irony strikes again.

 
And since that day, our friendship has grown and expanded. We share almost everything and she is one of my best friends. I love her, just not in the way most people think.

- Ttyl Jack xx

4 comments:

jaygeemmm said...

I love the Trevor Project (It Gets Better). In your case, it seems to be It Gets Easier! Yay, Jack!

Why do you have so many bi friends? Easy: Birds of a feather. Obviously these people trust you to tell you they're bi, clearly you can trust them back, as you are discovering.

Doesn't it feel great to have friends you can just be normal around? Your sexuality (or theirs) is not going to be the topic of conversation every time you're together. But at least you can check out a hot guy, or girl, and not have to worry about what they're going to think! How cool is that?

Peace <3
Jay

Jack said...

Haha, i don't know why i have so many bi friends. We have a theory that we attract each other (like some kind of magnet) which makes sense when you think about it: we have GayDar's. lol.
Jack xx

jaygeemmm said...

I think it's interesting that we have a word for it: Gaydar. Straights don't have Heterodar. Or do they and they just don't label it? My ultimate goal is to just not have my sexuality mean anything more than it does to my straight friends. At least then I could openly check out the cute guy in the restaurant or at the game or whatever, the way they check out the girls. It angers me that some people think that gays will hit on anyone (ie, the "trying to convert others" crap you hear). I'm sure as hell not going to hit on someone I know will reject me when I can hopefully sense (as str8s do) that someone might be open to flirting/whatever. So all in all, I think the reason you wind up with friends like you is that you're attracted naturally to people like yourself in some way. Either by school interests, work, sports, sexual orientation - I know people who are sports fanatics, and they surround themselves with other sports fanatics...same diff with us and our friends - they mirror ourselves, even while we're all individuals!

(Wow, I got really philosophical there!)

Peace <3
Jay

Jack said...

Haha, yes you did, but so do we :) We have the same outlook. Although i think the Heterodar is too common, so it is MUCH more subtle than the Gaydar :P
Jack xx

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