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Saturday, 9 October 2010

Boys or Girls

Hi, so it’s my second post here, and I’m not quite sure what to write about, so I guess I’ll explain the whole ‘confusion’ thing. It’s no way as complicated as I have made it sound, haha. Trust me.
Ok, so as long as I can remember, I have always had girlfriends and liked girls. But when I was about 12, I got curious (no pun intended) about ‘gay’ things and realised that the thought of ‘guys’ wasn’t nearly as repulsive as I had assumed. This frightened me quite a lot and so, naturally, I suppressed this revelation. I always felt different as a child, and now I know why. It was only last year that I truly embraced this new side of myself, and openly thought “he’s cute” and I loved it. However, no one knew (I hadn’t even told my best friend). I started college and within the first few days I had myself a girlfriend, who I liked – but as long as I can remember, I have always sabotaged my relationships, was this because I’m not datable? Or because they were girls? – and she was the one of the few ‘out’ bi people I knew and found it refreshing. As the year went on, I secretly thought about guys more and more and figured that I really was bi. Two girlfriends later, and I met a boy. And things seemed right for once in my life: but sadly, it didn’t work out. And so this is where I am. Once again confused about my sexuality; only this time I’m not sure if I am bi or gay. History repeats itself.
So that is just a little bit bout my confusion, and I hope that anyone out there reading does not do what I did and embraces their sexuality. It may not seem like it, but there is always someone out there to talk to. (and no, I’m not being hypocritical, haha, I am out ... to a select few)
- Ttyl Jack xx

2 comments:

jaygeemmm said...

Gay. Bi. Does it matter? And Out is a subjective matter. You are who you are, and labels shouldn't be that important. Or should they? Nope. I played the gf game in high school. Had to be in the closet. I absolutely loved the girls I was with. But I also knew I wanted guys, too. It's different now, but that's a lot of years later.

My teenage years were confusing as hell. I wanted to be str8. But I wasn't sure I was. So I went with the flow.

Jack, you sound so perfectly normal as a questioning teen. I hope I can help you in some way.

Please feel free to ask.

Peace <3
Jay

Jack said...

I know that it doesnt really matter what label i am or not, its just i cant seem to get past the initial confusion as to who i am. I know that i am happy being whatever and whoever i am; but in order to come out, you have to know what you are coming out as. It is extremely difficult to come out as being gay, to later try and have a girlfriend :/

That was why i created this blog. To get in contact with others and learn from them, as well as hopefully help others as they help me. I completely agree that you can really love a girl, but there is a difference between luv and love. I luv my girl firends, but i dont think i love any girl ... guy's however ... lol

So i hope that your teenage years were not too tough for you, but you clealry came out of them as a well rounded person and a caring one, so i thinkg it was worth it.

Ttyl Jack xx

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