Hey, feel free to pop over to where I have a lot more content. Photographs, drawings, poems. Hope you enjoy xx

Thursday, 30 December 2010

Crossroads at a Distance

Ok, so here is a small section of the french poem i wrote, enjoy :)
I dedicate it to my Baby!

Où nos chemins se rencontrent
Je suis à un carrefour,
Mais t’attendre
Est la torture absolue,
Tu est apparu
Mon amour s’est augmenté
Je me suis rendu compte,
Mais ça ne t’inquiétais pas
Et tu est parti,
Quand tu été diparu
J'étais encore abruti,
Si tu resterais
Je te donnerais mon amour,
Je te donnerais le monde
Je te donnerais mon coeur,

Mais comme le coucher du soleil
Toutes choses doivent être terminé,
Quand couleurs dorées
Et purpurin combiné,
Mais, ne t’inquiète pas
Il n’y a rien de craindre,
C'est juste toi et moi
Et le soleil de cadre,

Une image
Fait hier,
Commence à palîr
Et s’avarier,
Profond dans le coin
De ton cerveau,
Cupidon m’a frappé
Et je me suis senti chaneux,
Je suis là
Au plage pluvieux,
Je suis là
Au mer orageux,
Je suis toujours ici

I love you Baby! But I hate the Distance!

~ Jack xx

Three Busy Days

Ok, so I will be honest that I’m not really ‘feeling’ blogger at the moment, I have actually been putting this post off for some time, but don’t know why. I’m just struggling to get in the mood, so this will probably be far more condensed then usual ...

So this day we went around my mum’s for games and food. She actually cooked! Proper food! She did gammon, roast potatoes, carrots, coli-flour, Yorkshire puddings, two types of gravy, crackling AND Profiteroles AND nibbles/munch (crisps, nuts ect).
I was flabbergasted!
So we had dinner, and I was actually stuffed early! So we sat down and played some games. I taught my family how to play Irish Snap (a college favourite) which is a more complicated version of snap but OHHH so fun! Because you use two packs and get like 20 people shoving their hands in ... its brutal! They loved it, and we taught mum and dad some other games. As usually I got the whole “your necklace is too short!” speech ... which granted, it is 14 inches, but that’s how long I wanted and that’s how long I like it ... so leave it!
I also heard from Ariel that my other sister ... um ... Ursula ... was pestering Ariel about my GF and was really offended that I hadn’t told Ursula about who I was dating, and that we didn’t share such a close bond (probably all those times she beat me up ... play fighting ... or calling me “gay" ... ironic lol). So she came into my room ranting and raving (after some drinks) and pestered me, and saw that I was talking online to someone and ran over ... fortunately this was the ONLY time I was online with someone other than Peter lol, so I got away with it.
Anyway, so Ariel was apologising about almost telling Ursula and then we had a bit of a giggle about what she had actually said; such as “he will come out when he is ready!”, which is one of my favourites lol.
In the end I chickened out telling the folks. I couldn’t bring myself to raise the subject but I promised if they asked about my gf I would tell them.
They didn’t ask.

Tuesday we went shopping in London! Camden! It was kind of boring at first because all of the shops/stalls are selling clothes for girls or shoes for girls, so naturally there was nothing for me. Me and my sisters had a few tiny falling out’s but we got past it lol, and I even got a really nice lumber-jack shirt (which is fitted and really retro which I LOVE atm!) and a waistcoat (which I have been wanting for ages!) so all was good.
Kind of like this, only I have a tie instead of a Cravat.

Later on my dad started yelling at me because I got confused from HIS instructions.
THEN he starts yelling at me because I used a different method, to him, to carefully mix in egg whites to a mixture!
So once I finished, I went upstairs in a mood, to be confronted by dad who said that basically ‘I only do things to get in the way and frustrate everyone else, even if it means going out of MY own way!’ ... translation? I RUIN EVERYONE’S LIFE.

We went around to my Granddad’s house (the other one) for a smaller type of Christmas, as he didn’t want to host it this year. So all the family came over and we had a roast dinner and snacks and played ‘parlour’ games for the evening. I even beat my cousin at his own racing game! Haha. And Ariel won at Cludo ... AGAIN! And i had to put up with numerous "gay" and "queer" jokes thoughout one quizz as the character was called Queer Captain, who was a superhero.
But I had a lot of fun, even with a headache. So that was my day, and now I an sat here typing this, while talking to my AMASING bf Peter and his bro’s, before I head off to bed, to get an ‘early’ (supposedly) night before I have to film tomorrow.
All the best, Jack xx
P.S. A HUGE shout-out to my friend Lauren over at Life of Lauren who is my 30th Follower!!!

BUT, I got picked on for most of the evening. Firstly, me and my sister got into a discussion about how coloured contacts are the ONLY way to change your eye colour, and I made a comment about tattooing them (I saw it on a US show, but couldn’t remember if it was needles or just paint) and everyone started calling me stupid. So I said:
“well you don’t know, as much as I do” ... EMPHASIS ON THE COMMA!
But they ignored that comma and presumed I was being all high and mighty, saying I am the most intelligent person in the world!

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Victoria Wood

I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!!! ... but not as much as Peter :)
Sorry for all the videos, I litterally couldn't narrow them down :/ But you MUST see the first video as it is the best :)


( Sorry for the lack of Images ^^)

~ Jack xx
(P.S. no hidden message to/about Peter or anything lol, just was reminded of her earlier lol)

Monday, 27 December 2010

Single Parents

Ok, so I thought that I would take an idea from Peter's blog where he would interview someone who was new to commenting on his blog. So here goes.
Hello there, I'm Jack whats your name?

Jazzie Casas

So how are you right now?

I am admittedly very upset right now over a heated conversation that just took place, and I don't know where else to release that steam.

Well let go! Tell me all, I’m always here to chat to :)

I’m sure I’ll step on some toes in the process. I usually do.

Well go ahead, I don’t care. It is your opinion / their misunderstanding, so go on. I’m here to listen and provide feedback lol.

Frankly, I don’t care this time.

Thats good :)

Dads need to stop leaving their kids, and I’m tired of men not being the ones to say it.

Well yes, I can see where some toes might be stepped on here. You’re coming across as being kind of sexist here. I’m sure you didn’t intend this, you focus too much on the single DAD and not the single PARENT. Don’t get me wrong, I completely agree with you, but the exact same things happen to mothers as to men.

I’m tired of the world tip-toeing around these guys’ feelings. I’m really tired of society acting like such behaviour is now “normal” or “expected”.

Well yes, unfortunately, as a woman carried the baby for 9 months, society expects her to be closer and more ... well, motherly. Society would be up in arms if a father were to leave, but would ignore it if a woman left.

I’m tired of the media making light of it.

Same. Unfortunately, the media industry are highly involved with society and therefore they report, and some people argue encourage, this behaviour to continue. What else is there? I can tell there is more you want to tell me.

I'm tired of the emails and comments from endless mothers who've been thrown under the bus.

Of course that could get frustrating and tiring! But I think the important thing here is that they feel comfortable enough with you to pour their hearts out to you and take that first step. Even just being able to rant can be helpful. But once again, try to focus more on the unbiased side. Men get left with children just as much as women do, and they too can suffer. But come on, I can tell there is still more, that is eating you up inside...

More than anything, I’m tired of dads not taking their responsibilities and duties seriously.

At last! we hit the jackpot! (sorry for the cliché) but once again, SEXIST opinion. (I’m sure it is unintentional, but you underestimate the influence of the media, that is making light of single male parents.)  I mean, my mum left us and she doesn’t pay child support towards any of us (doesn’t have to NOW but she should have) and she barely contacts us. Sometimes it is just showing how she wants her single life back, without her responsibilities. Sound familiar? I’m just trying to point out how this is not just applicable to men who leave their children, but simply to everyone. And whoever leaves the household should not leave their children or partners (friends now?) they should accept their responsibilities and work harder to maintain that connection. But thank you for your opinions and talking to me :) Oh yes! Are you a single parent?

Proud to be a Single Dad

WOW! “Proud”, not often you hear that lol. Well, nice to hear from you and hope to chat soon :) OH! And thank you for the link to Single Dad Financial Help.

~ Jack xx

Sunday, 26 December 2010

My Shower Pictures ...

HAHA, I wish!

This is more like me!

Sorry but that's all your getting from me :P
~ Jack xx

Dramatic Christmas?

Hey everyone, I hope you all had a great Christmas, and relatively un-dramatic ones too. Mine? Oh, well you know the usual, excessive drinking, hangover, Cludo and games about the family. More? Well ... ok. Here goes ...

Christmas Eve.
So me, mum and dad went out to a pub to meet our cousins and our uncle. Which is quite a big thing, as he moved abroad like 4 years ago and I haven’t seen him since. He stays over there for medical reasons and is going through a bad divorce right now. But it was great meeting them! Mum and dad brought me a couple of pints of Strongbow (cider) and I got merrily buzzed. Well! It IS Christmas, lol. The thing is, by this point, it was about 7. I was hoping to get home for 7 so I could relax and cook before I went back out at about 9.30. We didn’t leave until 9, and I got LOADS of hassle for wanting to pop home to make some biscuits.
Why?! Well they were already made and would be a waste to leave them out (they had to rest) so if I left them they would go ‘bad’. Besides, I was making a homemade collection of baked goods for my Great Nan, and without them, it would be a pretty pathetic gift.
So in the end, I made it home, slightly more drunk then I expected, but we ended up “popping in” to another pub and a bar, on the way to a taxi. Interesting. But I didn’t mind, it was just pretty funny getting home, ‘pissed’ (or buzzed) and then having to cook biscuits. I managed, and they were really quite nice. While I had to wait for them to cook, I popped over to my bff’s houses and we exchanged gifts and the like, and we had a good time.
I them met up with DB (Drinking Buddy) who is also the brother of my sister’s bff, so we get on quite well, and Ariel’s bff gave us a lift into town, by about 10.30. We had a WKD while we waited. When we got into town, we met up with MB (Media Buddy) who was DB’s friend, and found out that he has a passion for media also ... hence the name. So we sat in one club for most of the night, while we waited for Ariel to finish work. It was her first night and she finished was supposed to finish at 11. My other sister had trained her previously and was also working, but didn’t finish until much later. So in the end, I ended up drinking about 3 vodka and coke’s which I got for free, as both of my sister’s were working, and they get free drinks. But I still bought a round ... for £6 as they also had a £2 a drink policy that night lol.
So we didn’t end up leaving until what must have been past 12, where we were just sat on the sofa’s drinking and chatting. It was a lot of fun. So when Ariel got off work finally left work, we all went to a local club. It was my first time, so my sister treated me, so I didn’t have to pay for the £8 entry fee, lol. I’m not a cheap-skate or tight-wad or anything, but you have to admit £6 on a night out is pretty impressive lol. And who says you have to have big tits and a low cut top to get free drinks?! I only had one of them!!! Lol
So we got in the club and literally spent like an hour in the queue for the bar, but it was fun and a new experience. By this time I was quite far gone, so I don’t remember much, but I do remember going to different parts of the club and having a great time with the others. We circulated the club, I should say.
Next thing I know, I’m awake in bed, with a big stomach ache. It’s Christmas.

Christmas Day
I remember small snippets from the night before, like being in the back seat of the car and feeling a little ill. I was with DB, no idea where MB was. I remember going through the front door and closing it behind me. I remember being sick in the toilet. That is all.
You always hear those stories about people who get drunk and don’t know how they get home, and you’ll think “yeah right!” ... but I honestly don’t know. I’ve since been told some other facts though ...
  • Ariel’s Bff gave us a lift.
  • I was sick outside as well as inside. In front of everyone else in the car.
  • I couldn’t open the front door, Ariel’s Bff had to.
  • I patted her on the head.
  • I’ve lost my key somewhere inside the house. (ok, not told by others, but only found out today)
So, all in all a very ... INTERESTING ... night and one that I’d soon like o forget in all its glory. It’s just strange. Up until now, I can always remember everything that I’ve done when drunk and been able to justify it ... even stripping when told (long story), but this ... nothing. I HONESTLY don’t remember a thing of what is listed above. I wouldn’t believe it if there wasn’t evidence (like texts asking if I was ok after being sick, ect), so I must have, but it is the most bizarre feeling ever. Having someone narrate your life.
So this obviously explains my bad hang over. I felt physically sick almost all day. But I powered through. We skipped out on having out traditional bacon butties in the morning, as we didn’t get up until mid-day and dinner was at 3pm, so we just snacked. If that. I was relieved when I realised I could stomach fizzy, as I hate drinking plain water when hung over.
So when we got up, we made our way down stairs and opened up our stockings from Santa. Yes, he does exist! You get stocking as long as you believe!!! Lol. By now mum was here, so her and dad opened their stockings up to, I got some nice stuff, like socks, Pj’s and mini bottles of aftershave. And I really do mean mini! We then opened up our main presents, and I got some other nice stuff like a jumper/cardigan from Ariel. Peter says I look like a professor, but I like the 50’s look.
We decided to play Cludo after, which was a nightmare! I know the basic rules, but my dad being who he is HAD to read out the rules in the most confusing manner. He skipped over how to actually PLAY the game and moved onto the little details. (ie. Forget how to move and make rumours, but let’s talk about showing cards to others). So in the end we had a great game and picked it up quickly, as me being the unofficial referee. But as per usual, my dad put a spanner in the works. The very first move of the whole game he said “Miss Scarlet, in the Kitchen with the pistol” ... and wouldn’t you guess it, NO ONE HAD ANY OF THE CARDS!!! So we went through the entire game with that in our minds, and the results? Miss White, in the Theatre with the Poison. HE HAD THE CARDS HE ASKED FOR! But it was ok, Ariel won lol.
Dinner was great. We had everything we usually would have, and it tasted great, but there were plenty of leftovers, for supper. And we held off on pudding for the moment. We played another game where you have to say if an urban myth is true or not; and then another game where you describe a word without using certain words. They were quite fun too. Then we all sat down and watched Eclipse. Not really festive, but Jacob ... drool lol. You have to admit, he does have a hot body! (wow! Shallow! :O)
I ended up going to bed at 11pm, and going to sleep at 5am. I got talking to Rowan (Rowan’s blog) about how he came out, where he lives, his life and all that. And I had a lot of fun. I also found a kindred spirit who has a love of media, and I can totally “dork” out with (Peter’s word there lol). Then, when he left, I waited up for my baby, and he had a match and a half of Yu-Gi-Oh. It was fun, and I told you! DORK! Lol.

Boxing Day
So this day was far more relaxed! I stayed in bed until about 2pm, not daring to get up and out of bed, in fear of the cold. But I did anyway. We were leaving at 2.30 to go and see my granddad. So I rushed out of bed, got my clothes ready,  got to the bathroom, to find out that everyone felt the same as me. So I had to wait AGES to get in the bathroom to have a shower, but oh well. So all of us bundled into the car and set off to see my Granddad. I had a good time, but I do feel guilty. My mum often sees it as being a ‘chore’ to visit him as he can be quite senile ... to the point where a conversation will be like this:
Hi Grandad
Oh. Hello, Ian. Tony. I mean Frank.
Its Jack.
Have you seen Jack lately?
I’m Jack, Granddad.
Oh! Of course you are! So how are you Ian?
I’m Jack.
You’re what?
... And so on.

But I love him regardless. The other problem is when he isn’t like this, he can be very short. Yes or no answers. So conversations can be quite difficult. Let alone that he is nearly blind and VERY hard of hearing (I actually used to have a game with myself to find different ways of saying “oh really!” or “wow” or “yes” ... its quite difficult). But this is just one of our ‘games’. One we had to do today was think of topics to keep the conversation going, or else you are just sat in silence.
It’s a cruel and harsh was to explain this, but it’s the easiest and most accurate way to do it. We love him and its so that he doesn’t feel awkward or alone, but the details of it are harsh. Hrm ... :/
So anyway, I’ve had an interesting few days, and got some more coming up, so I’ll keep you posted.
~ Jack xx
P.S. Sorry for the long post

P.P.S. this is the song from the Christmas Dr Who episode which I fell in love with. I almost cried!

It's about a girl who is dying nad gets frozen, but is released every year for christmas eve, and she falls in love with this guy who grows up in love with her. But when he finds out she has one day left to live, she doesn't let her out, but finaly does and she FINALLY gets to see Christmas Day. <3

Saturday, 25 December 2010


Merry Christmas everyone!

~ Jack xx
(ps.s this was suposed to post at midnight! but didn't lol)

Friday, 24 December 2010

Christmas Take 2

Ok, so I DID have several posts pre-planned that I was going to do, but there was a huge bit of drama last night, so I have to postpone them. I was actually too annoyed to post this last night, so here it goes...
My mum can be so self-centred and stubborn! She came over last night to pick me and my sister up, to go and visit our granddad. But I was running a little late and had only just got out of the shower (no, you won’t get any pictures!), and by the time I was in my underwear (NO!) she was upstairs crying. What was wrong?
I later found out, that apparently we are being selfish for wanting to visit our Great Nan on her Birthday (which is also Christmas). I understand her point of view, as every year we go to see the WHOLE family for an hour (which ends up being more than an hour, guaranteed) and as a result she is forced to go with us. She has to “suffer in silence”. But the thing is, she doesn’t suffer in silence, she bitches each and every year!
So apparently we are selfish as Ariel said how our OTHER sister wanted to see the family, and that she didn’t know that mum was going to come over to our house for Christmas as early as she was planning (10 am). So this blew up into a massive argument resulting in where mum started yelling and saying how we would keep our stupid opinions to ourselves.
How did my sister reply, to accusations of ruining Christmas? She pointed out how mum is ruining this year AS WELL AS last year (when she stormed out, got drunk and stumbled in at 1 am).
So now she says she is going to spend Christmas with her bff who lives like 2 hours away. So she can’t be arsed to suffer for one hour (or just miss that ONE hour) and by extension cba with us. So I cba to be with her (we were supposed to go around her house the day after for games), so if she doesn’t come to see us for Christmas, I’m not going to hers the day after. Its the principle. My sister agrees.

~ Jack
She is now coming to ours for Christmas, so its a start I guess. But I’m still annoyed.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Yin and Yang?

Sometimes I feel like we match each other perfectly,
others we are completely different.

Here are some examples:

Peter ...

Me ...

Peter ...

Me ...

~ A Smitten Jack xx

p.s. hope you like these homemade Chocolates, i made them for you baby x ... even though you cant eat them :/

Sunday, 19 December 2010

That's How You Know!

Ok, so I don't dance ... or sing ... but I will find a way to show my love. And this is just one way ...

Don't you just LOVE how people all know the same, unknown, song and randomly start dancing choreographed dances suddenly?!

I really do love you baby! xx
~ Jack xx

Thousand Miles

I love you baby!
~ Jack xx

Saturday, 18 December 2010


Ok, so I know I have been neglecting Blogger for the last week or so, mainly because I have been feeling kinda down and I didn’t want to post stuff that was all down and depressing. I think I failed at that, but oh well. Long story short, I still feel a little down, but no way near as much and I am over the worst of it, with the help of all you and of course ... my amazing bf Peter.
So I seriously have like all of my deadlines like today or Monday. I hate it!
I got my sociology exam back, and it wasn’t bad at all! I mean, I got roughly a C or D, but it was good for what I wrote. Basically our exam is 2 questions, each 50 marks, where we have to write an essay for each in 45 mins; on Crime. I wrote about the media’s influence on crime and got two marks, one was 26 and 31 ... she marked it twice, so I got the better mark. And for the second I had 15 mins left of the exam, which was when I decided to do a very detailed plan, which was “terrible” according to my teacher, but my “amazing” essay was only 7 marks higher. And for those of you who don’t like maths, I got 19.
Our English coursework is due in on Monday, which is why most people are stressing at College.
And we FINALLY managed to upload our Media footage (which is shit as I am now the lead singer) but the main point is ... it is uploaded. So we got an extension on our practical product, as it was out of our control. But it is really annoying as we have to share the Computer with one other group as we are the only people using Final Cut pro, but they keep taking control of the machine. Like, we started off splitting the lessons 50/50 and the rest of the time it is first-come first-serve. But they took the whole lesson rendering (finalising) their video which failed, so they then re-rendered it after which was when we were going to edit, which took ANOTHER hour. It is really starting to annoy me lol, but it should be finished now :/
So we started editing together out draft music video, which is a bitch as we have to make a fake draft for her to mark, when we are literally going to re-film half of it with different actors (me again :/), so I don’t really see the point. But also, Chris (my partner) is being SO pedantic about the music. I know I am bad with editing as it HAS to be in time or I’ll hate it, but he is the same AND each performance shot has to have a certain number of bars and he gets so distracted it can get a bit infuriating; but we’ll get through it in the end. And out written work WAS due today, but I got an extension as we spent so long trying to upload the footage. We are going to film the rest over Christmas ...
One problem. It snowed today. AGAIN. And it settled. We are forecast worse snow than last time, and it is over the next few days too, so it may last over the Christmas holidays, which will be really difficult to film our project like we wanted. But oh well, when life gives you lemons, and all that.  And I don’t mind, as we only have 1.5 days left of College (if it opens) and I LOVE the snow! Almost as much as Peter.
So my day today was really quite good. I edited together our video, which I will upload soon, if I can get into college. It will only be a rough draft, but I want to share it with everyone and possibly get some feedback. But one thing kind of annoyed me / made my happy...
I finished college at 3pm and didn’t get home until 7. Why? Because I am silly, stupid and friendly. I had to wait 45 mins to explain to my teacher why I hadn’t done the evaluation, and so I ended up doing what I do on Wednesdays, I taught. Every wed (and sometimes other days) I help teach her first year OCR National Certificate Media Class, and today I ended up teaching her A2 Media Studies Class. I helped one of my friends edit her Music Video as she was struggling, which it turned out quite good for what she had. Then I had to multi-task and proof-read friend 2's English Coursework while I went to the Library to buy a DVD for the first friend. Once re-entering the classroom I was hijacked by a different Media Teacher to help friend 3 burn her Video to a DVD. I later had to do this with friend 4, and help un-freeze friend 5’s computer; before I was allowed to leave ... and by “leave” I mean stand in the snow for an hour waiting for Ariel to pick me up. Oh well.

So I am writing this waiting for Family Guy to load and for Peter to wake up so that we can talk properly. I probably shouldn’t share this with all of you, but I have to baby, ok?
From the Secret Diary of <~Love Peter~>
i really need to focus on life but i focus on him and my sleep is out of wake i am just out of wack lol i love you jack but right now i am out of wack lol

And I couldn’t agree more, haha. I mean, I love him to pieces, but this whole long-distance thing is beginning to get annoying. I am usually left awake until 1am so that I can talk to him (which is 7pm, his time) and get up at 6am (12pm) so that we can actually TALK to one another. Which only getting 5 hours sleep a night, is slowly killing me. And him. But it’s just a matter of sorting out our time-keeping lol.

So that is what I have been up to lately. Still not out to parents, however I told my bff, but that’s another story for another time ...
Ttyl Jack xx

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

My Heart

Ok, so this is prety much how I feel at the moment. Not the original message of the song, but i feel like the only reason I am carrying on is because my heart beats only for Peter ...

~ Jack
(I will try to post soon, when I'm a bit 'better')

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Such a Slut

Thank you everyone for my Birthday messages, but that was only half of the story. So Mum came over earlier than we planed and so we got to hang out and had a laugh. She even got me a bottle of Champagne and a Cake, bless her lol. But despite being early and going out about 7, it was still a rush lol. So we got a taxi into the town centre. She sept going on about me not telling her the name of my gf and if it wasn’t an argument about that, it was about how my new necklace is WAY too tight and looks stupid. What a nice birthday surprise ... :/
So we finally made it into the Pub, where my Dad bought a round and guess what ... They didn’t even ask my age!!! All of that worry and excitement you get for that moment of “Can I see your ID? ... Yes, here it is my good sir”, but no! Haha, typical.
Monster Energy ExportBut I had a great time in the pub with the family. Had a few more drink and got slightly pissed lol, which was fun. I am definitely a pub kind of person. I also discovered the joys of Vodka and Monster. Mmmm... Unfortunately one of my sisters had to go and work, but me and Ariel had a DMC (Deep Meaningful Conversation). We talked about Peter, her bf, sex, telling Mum and Dad: and a whole lot more I have forgotten about. Eventually we had to leave, where I dragged my Mother to the taxi and dropped her off at her ‘regular’ pub, and I went on to my friends party.
It was a great night out (or rather in). I was late getting there obviously, so most people were already drunk/pissed, but I had fun with them. Some of my friends had got me cards and presents, like Joe got me a DVD called Beautiful Thing which is an amazing film btw lol, and they were all really nice. I even got to meet two of my Blogger Buddies for the first time: CJ at Verbal Abuse and Stefan at Conglats.  They are so cool. Random. But cool.
So the night evolved, and I got drunker and the night got funner, until it came time to drag Dana home. Not an easy task, but hilarious. So by the time I had walked her home and got back, it was time for bed. And this is where the night took ANOTHER wrong turn. And may I just point out, that at the end of my last post, I talked about how my day went from “good .. to bad ... to good ... to bad”, well let’s just say it didn’t stop then. Wouldn’t you know my luck, that I ended up sleeping next to Joe. And granted, I know yall out there will say how I was in control and how if I didn’t want anything to happen, then it wouldn’t have. And I know. It wasn’t that much, and I’ll save all you out there from the details, but I am a slut. There was a miniscule amount of over-the-trouser groping and prodding with a finger in the crotch area, until he came.
It was like someone took over me. I wasn’t even thinking about it, tbh I was daydreaming about Peter (corny but true) and the next think I know, he has soiled his underwear and I am like “Oh Shit!”. I hate myself for it, and can’t believe I did that to Peter. He assures me that he doesn’t care, and it wasn’t cheating ect, but it was. I get the distinct impression he is hurt by it. I just don’t know how to make things better between us. I feel like we are drifting a bit. I mean, I barely spoke to him today, same with yesterday, and when we have the opportunity to talk, we don’t. We’ll be on MSN or something and we’ll go quiet. I really hope there isn’t something wrong, I’d hate to lose him. But I think I have. Why do I have to do this to other people?! I always end up hurting them. Scaring them. As soon as they see my horrid personality they realise just how fucked up I am inside and how much shit they’ve got themselves into. Has Peter finally realised just how fucking stupid and pathetic I am? Should I just take a knife to my throat and end it, or would that just cause too much hassle for people to clean up?
So overall, it’s been a pretty crappy but ok 18th
So as I said, I was a complete idiot and douche last night, but cheating and I got barely any sleep for the rest of the night. I was just sat there thinking about how I could let this happen, and how I had foreshadowed it and everything, and how I have hurt Peter. So I woke up pretty shattered and with a hangover. I left her house early. I popped into Sainsbury’s and got some hangover food, before I popped home. Me and Peter chatted for a couple of hours, until I had to rush off as Ariel was giving me a lift to my friends house (to film)and was running late. So I’m sorry babe x
So we spent a good hour or so driving around the surrounding area’s as I am shit and don’t know directions and maps. Why do I fail at everything?! Then we eventually found it, when I receive a text saying can I find a backup singer, as our actor hasn’t confirmed whether he can make it. Which is fucking annoying as we only have ONE actor for our media coursework (we are producing our own music video for Enter Shikari’s Ok, Time for Plan B) and he keeps flaking on us. So in a car, about 3 minutes away from the set, I have to magic up a backup. Can you guess who had to star in it? ME. With some creative genius and luck, both me and my project partner are starring in our own music video, and we end up setting up for about 2 hours and filming for about 4. We had a great time, and decided that we are going to re-film all of our other shots (with our previous actor) with me, despite having our deadline on Friday, haha. Doomed much?
So that was my day today. Hung over, missing Peter, became an actor (again), and possibly fucked up my relationship for good as I am such a slut.
Interesting to say the least :/
I love you baby, and I miss you. For you:

I wish I could do this with Peter. Especially the woodland scene :(

~ An Adult Jack xx

Friday, 10 December 2010


So today has been a pretty crappy but ok day; but this is going to have to be short as I’m about to go off to the pub and then a party lol.

So I failed my Maths Exam. Well I didn’t fail, I got an E (which is a pass) but doesn’t count to me lol. An E is not a grade I would be proud to show.

Most people didn’t know it was my birthday or they forgot, including
one of my best friends Chris, which hurt a little bit, but not as much as the fact that he is not going to the Party tonight, as he is having ‘family problem’. And I know yall out there will be saying “how heartless Jack!” but when he says ‘family problems’ he means that he would rather spend the evening with his gf as she MAY be moving away :/ But I don’t know ...

Also I think I’ve lost my Passport, which is essential for going out. Without it you can’t go in a pub, buy alcohol, buy fags (not that I smoke). It is one of the only forms of ‘proof of ID’ that they accept, and I lost it!!! HELP!!!

So I was in a brilliant mood this morning as I got to talk to my baby (which it has just occurred to me that I’ll get like 0 sleep over the next two days lol) but I’ll survive. So a little tired I woke up to say hi to him <3 He was a little concerned that I am now 18 and what he have is illegal in some states (not sure if he was joking or not lol) but I don’t care, and then he gave me my card and present: which I loved btw!!! It was amazing haha. He got me a hand-made card saying:

I'm not that old 0.o

Another year passesAnother year...
Closer to the good old days
(with a picture of an old man in a wig)

And he also got me an original 1924 Dad’s puzzler (with gift engraving on the back). I can still remember on one of our dates where he introduced me to Dad’s Puzzler and how tricky some are lol, and I still find it a little hard to believe he remembered that lol x I love you baby xx Its just a shame I haven't had a chance to talk to him tonight, as I have to go soon :(

And I just found my Passport. My dad took it out of the case when he went to Belgium and just left it loose. So I can now go out :)

From Good ... to bad ... to good ... to bad ... to good ...
~A Legal Adult. AKA. Jack xx
(P.S. Will post about the rest of my night tomorow if possible lol x)

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Sorry ...

To those select few of you out there who read my blog. I haven't been posting as much atm as, well, quite frankly I don’t want to overload all of you out there. Is one post a day too much? Honestly? lol
Ok, so today I went around my Mum’s for dinner with my two sisters, and yes we had a good time, but it wasn’t without its drama. However small, it still is affecting me a little now. Ok, so as some of you will know, I can be quite OCD at times (like matching as many items of clothing colour-wise as possible or eating food separately ect); well this is no exception when it comes to our Christmas tree. Or rather, the decorations. Each year for about the last 7 or 8 years, I have decorated and in the last few I have done it alone.
Well, the way that I do it, is that we have collections/sets of ball-balls that match each other. Some are supposed to be that way, others just look a LOT alike: so naturally, I have to put all of them up or none. I usually make this into a game with some friends as there are about 10 or so ‘sets’ to ‘collect’ on the tree, where they have to find them. Sounds boring? Probably. Sounds Easy? NO.
This is a 'Set'

Usually they are hidden in plain sight. But anyway, as this is the first year without Mum, she took some decorations with her, and I got quite upset/frustrated that three particular ball-balls were missing. We have had them for as long as I can remember, and mean a hell of a lot to me. The set is of an angel (we have), a rocking horse, Jesus in a crib and a child sledding. They are only small cheap figurines and stuff, but we have had them for SO long, and they go up on our tree every year. And she took three.
So when I found them on her tree, I simply said “oh, YOU have the other three! You stole them haha” (emphasis on the “haha”) and he completely flipped out. She starting bitching at me about how she “has to have SOMETHING from the house” (she takes quite a lot and often leaves the crap)and that she only took the “cheap stuff”. Which is fair enough and everything, but they are priceless to me. And she got annoyed as she thought I was complaining that she took a lot of stuff, I wouldn’t have cared if she took everything or nothing, its just they meant a lot to me and no to her. PLUS, I only meant it in a playful, joking, manner which she didn’t get. So I got in a mood, which was when Ariel tried to butt in the way, which got me more annoyed. But everything got back to normal now.
Sorry if that sounds mean or silly, I’m just passionate about certain things lol.
So this morning I woke up early on my lie-in so that I could talk to my baby. God I love him so much! It was great, as always lol. I’ll spare you all the details as, well, I know there are some of you who are put off the information, but I will say this. He was completely open with me and did anything I wanted. And I can’t wait to repay the favour. Unfortunately I can only talk to him either late at night or early in the morning, but I’m coping. I love him, I really do. I mean, I find myself randomly laughing to myself, just remembering something he said or did, and it brightens my day. I get to feel close to him, despite the distance. I got his Christmas present but unfortunately I have to wait for it to arrive, before I can personalise it and then send it on its second journey.
But he has asked me to do something which I will keep a secret for the moment. Feel free to guess lol. But it is pretty big to me, and kind of difficult to do, but more so since no one seems to be willing to help me. Hrm ... I may have to try in person.
Sorry for that rant lol, where was I? Oh yes, PETER! I love him.

Never leave me baby x

~ Jack xx

P.S. I think I may have failed my Maths C3 Exam (Mock), but I will find out on Friday :S

Sunday, 5 December 2010

High and Dry

Third time lucky!
Me and Peter had our third date this morning and it was amassing. The first was a complete failure but we got through it. Our second, he turned off the film he chose as it was boring him. But the third was amazing. We watched toy story 3 together – even on the same screen! (we watched it on his TV and he put it through webcam as the films he got/wanted I couldn’t get in time). The only down side was that I couldn’t see him! :(
I miss my baby!
So towards the end of the film, I could hear sobbing over webcam, and I knew it wasn’t from the film as I’ve seen it before ... and it was quite obvious it was Peter lol. I just hated not being able to hold my arm around my baby and rock him. I just could do nothing to comfort him. I am just the worst bf in the world. But fortunately it wasn’t too bad, and he quickly recovered. Especially when we moved on ...
As always with us, things took a sexual turn lol, and we teased each other a little bit. And then we got down to having some fun. I’ll spare you the details, but I accidentally closed the webcam and he then refused to open it back up (granted he was tired and I didn’t really mind lol). So I was left high and dry. He left me so frustrated all day! So like he blamed me, I blame him. I think he did it on purpose lol.
I just love him so much! I miss him already :(

~ A Smitten but Frustrated Jack xx

Saturday, 4 December 2010


I told my sister (henceforth known as Ariel) about me and Peter and ... well, just everything. This is one of those few times when I set out to do something and actually did it. I am a really bad procrastinator lol. I love Ariel to pieces, she has always been there for me, ever since I was little. If i was scared, or worried, or excited, she always made the time to be there for me.

So my plan for how the day would go had to change a bit as we have the dentists in the morning, which was cool as we got to talk and got past all of the random conversations we usually have, which we could now skip later on.

After we did the usual and I called my granddad for his shopping list. We do his food shopping and then go to visit him. Mum usually does it, but sometimes me and Ariel go instead. We rushed around the shop and then we just sat in the car to eat our 'breakfast' ... which consisted of a chicken and mushroom slice (in a pastry and sauce for those who don’t know). I decided to tell her today, as when he go to Granddad’s we ALWAYS sit outside the supermarket and have our little meal, which is the perfect time. We chat about our lives and random stuff, and if it was a shock, she would not be driving; while also providing plenty of time to talk about it later on.

So I tried to talk to her, and just made a comment about how close we are and everything, and although she said it was random, she said she liked it too. But as we were in a rush, she soon took off and we didn’t eat in a parked car, which ruined my plan, but I was determined. Then she said that she likes the fact that I told her about my "Girlfriend" before anyone else, to which I responded "um ... yeah ... about that ... I haven’t been entirely honest about that". Note: the pauses were to stop me having a heart attack ha-ha.

 So I told her about Peter. In fact I think I said "Well their name ... it is Peter. Now you know why I didn’t tell many people". So I know it isn't probably the best way to come out, but I wanted to do it in a light hearted manner, and I knew she wouldn’t care who I love. And I was true. She was more upset I hadn't told her sooner. Apparently my whole family thought I might be gay, but changed their mind as I "would have done it by now". Go figure.

But me and my sister got talking and I completely opened up to her. And turns out, she isn’t completely innocent herself. Long story short, he has done some stuff with a girl she fancies. But she doesn’t conceder herself to be bi, as it is just one girl and it had something missing. No pun intended. We even had a bit of a laugh at how I have been out for AGES (on my fb preferences) but no one has noticed.

So I am now out to a 1/4 of my family, and I can be completely honest with her, and to her. She even wants to meet Peter! She is so great <3 haha. And he likes the accent, lol. I've been in such a good mood all day.

 ~ Jack xxx