Hey, feel free to pop over to where I have a lot more content. Photographs, drawings, poems. Hope you enjoy xx

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Life by Moonlight: Part 4

Last Time:
“I awoke-” His brow was deep in concentration and his eyes unfocused. “Covered in blood. I carried on, from where the nightmare ended. I was cut from the shoulder to the chest, but was not wounded. My shirt glistened red and I was covered in sweat. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt”
“But why are they back?”
“I don’t think they are. They are something new, something different, but I don’t know what.”
“But they are only dreams.” She reassured him
“Are they?” he left the question hanging there, unknowing.
Aurora was a young girl of fifteen who lived life to the full and enjoyed every moment. Her hair was the colour of honey, and had streams of gold flowing down her back, while her eyes were a warm, golden brown, that were deep and inviting. She wore a simple, knee high dress that hung from her body in rivets if light brown. Her expression was youthful and serious but there was just a hint of a dimple in each of her cheeks.
They sat together, talking and admiring the ever-changing view, until the sun had set and all time had lost meaning. The sky merged with red and gold, as Aurora lent against Wills shoulder, her golden locks glistening in the light, as they sat in silence and watched that beauty surrounding them. Realising how late it was, they exchanged quick goodbyes and he was on his way. Shadows tailed him at every corner, reaching out for him, and it became a race against time. The tree’s whirled past as he rode on, not daring to stop and look back. The scenery became a smudge of brown and green as he raced for freedom, from his woodland cage. One by one the stars emerged, transforming the nights sky into a blaze of light, illuminating everyone and everything. At last he escaped the labyrinth only to find himself trapped in another one, but one he knew, none the less. It was only a matter of time.

The slanting rays of the morning, flowed through the window in bursts of life, illuminating Wills surroundings. The distant hills were congealed with the morning dew, and frost still hung in the air, while the rocky ground was littered with perfumed flowers. The sweet, soothing song of the Nightingales had been replaced by that of the morning Robin, and the fragrant heather, that waited by the cottage wall, flowed through the air.
A loud crash came from the door, as Will awoke with a start. The door swung open as an all too familiar figure emerged. It was Aurora. Her energetic mood, instantly told Will that something was afoot.
“Hurry up and get Dressed! He’s here”, her voice was misleading and contradicting to her face. Although he could definitely hear an urgency in her tone, there was no danger or alarm in her expression, but rather anxiety and excitement.
“Who’s here?”
“Wait and see”. Aurora was constantly playing these games. Always showing and never telling. After a quick debate, Will surrendered and was left alone with his thoughts.
To Be Continued ...

Saturday, 26 March 2011



The Mystery Revealed

I doubt any of you figured out my big mystery ... even with the big hints I gave you ...

You want to know it?

Do you?!


What? You already knew that? No no, this isn’t the answer to your cryptic puzzle, its what I said to my family (or near enough) exactly 3 weeks ago.

That’s your answer.

The numbers were: days; hours; minutes; seconds.

... hence them all being posted at quarter past (except my last one).

It all happened at once. Me and Ariel had been planning to get my family together for one big meal (or drink tbh) where I could tell them all at once. This was quite important as someone would have been upset they were left till last.

Anyway, we had several chances and people kept bailing and cancelling etc, and it was the last chance before I would have given up and told them individually. But luckily, my Grandad’s birthday we went out for a meal and then just my close family went out for a few drinks.

Anyway, the night progressed and we all had fun, and we were sat down at a table, when we got talking about relationships and trust. So Ariel burst out that dad had a date and has kinda been seeing this woman, to my mum (jut a reminder, they are separated).

He could have been a lot more upset but he was planning on telling mum his own way, which would have included several more weeks procrastination preparations.

So mum said she was happy for him and that we had a circle of trust. I literally had to force people from disbanding, saying things like “HOLD ON” and “WAIT!!!”  and I took a gulp of cider and said ...

“you remember that I just got dumped? Well their name was Peter”.

They were all really supportive and were just a little concerned that I hadn’t told them earlier and I tried to explain how it had nothing to do with them, but more that some aspect of our relationship would change. They all did the naive and family thing and said ‘no it wouldn’t’, but it would. For the better though.

Then Ariel’s future (temporary) boss came into the pub with his jealous gf, and he bought a round. We got talking and because Ariel and this guy were talking, I thought I should distract his gf and we got on really well! We got talking about jealousy and insecurities and how its not that she doesn’t trust those two, but more like her brain tells her to be worried while her heart says not to worry. Like me and Peter. So I came out to them two, why not.

She ended up calling me 3 times that night and has told most of her friends about her new “bff”, but that’s another story for another night ...

Jack xx

Saved by the Bell

So on the contrary to my last post, and despite being sad, depressed and alone, I’ve had a pretty good past few days.

We’ve had a nice mini-heat wave that’s meant you an now dare to emerge from your hidie-hole without being bombarded with coats and scarves. Its almost shorts-weather. Almost.

So due to the sun, I’ve been in a bit of a good mood. I like sunny cloudless days, but not the heat ... annoying much?! Haha. Also my friends and I have migrated outside of our college to the grass and have little picnics there. Well they do.

Also, yesterday, I was late into college and passing through the town centre, when I passed a nice lady asking a shopkeeper where the Station is. I was kinda tempted to just keep walking and be on my way, but then I thought, what the heck! I want to do something nice. So I just walked over and said “excuse me, I’m going to the station if you want me to take you there.”

She was a really nice woman, and we had a little chat on the way, about the housing market, the reason why she is in town and even her home-town. I don’t know what it is about older people, but their generation are a lot more open and friendly than ours. I hope we’ll become like that, I cant imagine what the world would be like if it was ruled by the chav-goth divide O.o

Lessons have been kind of random and pointless, like there is literally no point me coming in for them but I have to and I cant risk not turning up and missing something. Although, we got a nice surprise in Maths today. The fire alarm went off just as we were about to start a newer – and much harder – topic ... saved by the bell?


And for all you cryptographers out there, have a go at this, I’ll be updating it every post. Email your answers to, the big mystery shall be revealed very soon!. You’ll win the coveted ‘Confronting the Confused Medal’ and the chance to join an elite society where you get to mock those who didn’t decipher it :P
Ok, so here it the next clue:   14.336.20145.1208700

Friday, 25 March 2011

So sick of this!

URGH! I’m feeling so alone right now. I mean, yes, I’m probably closer to my friends than ever thanks to Josh, but I still feel really distant. I spend my time with them just being there physically but emotionally and mentally I’m on a far off planet on my own. Stranded. With no way home.

I find myself staring into space quite frequently, and then I just think about over my life and what I’ve lost.

I mean, Peter. I still love him to pieces, and honestly, if he asked me out again, I would say yes. But that’s the problem, he doesn’t want to go back out. Well, no; he wants to but he cant handle the distance, which means he has a tough decision to make.

I hate giving ultimatums, but I’ll give you guys some background information...

Since we broke up, I met someone. Nothing major, just a really good friend. Or so I thought. We spent AGES talking – like non-stop, and pretty soon he said that he liked me. So at this point, I said that I liked him too, but wasn’t sure if I ‘liked’ him, so I didn’t want to lie or anything, and said that something may happen but not now.

But of course, stupid fucking me, ruined things because he took this to mean that if we continue on as we are, then we will date. In the end, after like a week or being bff’s we have a talk. I felt like I was leading him on. Turns out he only wants wanted to be friends if we ended up dating, but I didn’t want to date him. Nothing wrong with him, but he was wasn’t peter. I know, fucking pathetic!

So we are no longer speaking, I barely talk to my friends and my family have no idea how I’m feeling because if they knew the truth about me, they’d probably lock me away for good.

So in the end, I felt like I was messing this guy around ... kinda like Peter was. Ironic, huh.

Not to say that Peter is intentionally messing me around, but he keeps saying how he loves me and everything, but then he also says that we cant be together. But he also isn’t averse to dating in the future. So I’m constantly kept on this metaphorical fence, waiting to fall one way or another.

So I ended up saying that he had to choose me and try again and learn from our mistakes, or we can be friends and make it nearly impossible to date again. But I told him I didn’t want an answer just yet.

So you guys know what I’m hoping his answer will be (and he will when he reads this).

No really!

It shouldn’t force him to choose me because that isn’t a relationship, and he has to decide what he wants to do for himself. I cant force him to.

So I just feel so isolated from the world. I keep meeting people that I cant be with, or else if I can be with, I fuck it up somehow.

Even my friends as college are starting to get pissed off at me. Like they always do. Like they do every year. Its an endless cycle. I make friends. I become comfortable with them. The find me annoying. They exclude me until I’m just ‘there’. I wander around on my own. I make friends.

I’m just so sick and tired of it! I just want someone who I can be friends with for a long time, and someone who I can love and who will love me back.

Earlier I was just sat there thinking about Joe and how we used to get the train together and hold hands and sneak kisses. I don’t want him back, but I miss that. I miss being with someone I really like and even love :(

I cant even focus in college. I literally spent all day drawing. Anything and everything. It all has significance to me and personal attachments, but to others it just looks like ... well, shit.

IDK, I just want ... Peter  Friends  Love  Someone.


And for all you cryptographers out there, have a go at this, I’ll be updating it every post. Email your answers to, the competition closes on Tonight!. You’ll win the coveted ‘Confronting the Confused Medal’ and the chance to join an elite society where you get to mock those who didn’t decipher it :P
Ok, so here it the next clue:   13.331.19860.1191600

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Life by Moonlight: Part 3

              Last Time:
“Honestly Will, you waste all of you time doing silly and pointless things, its time for you to do something constructive. Go and help your father on the farm, he needs you.” This was more an order than a suggestion, but he did it anyway, exiting the room and muttering to himself as he did so.

Will stuck his head out from around the corner to see if the coast was clear and proceeded on. He decided to use all of the back passages, that he was sure had been long forgotten, to be sure that no one would see him. He knew that he could not go through the front gate, because the kitchen was directly in front of it, making him unavoidable to his mother inside. Instead he went around the house and directly to the green pastures, of the beyond. He was only 5 metres from the fence, and his freedom, when he heard his name from behind him. He slowly turned around desperately trying to hide his guilty face. A man stood directly behind him, with his arms folded and his long brown hair covered in mud. The matching green doublet and hose were splattered with mud, up to the shoulders and what remained of the colour was slowly fading with age. His deep chestnut eyes were intense, but forgiving and contained a secret strength, that few have witnessed.
“Son. Thanks for helping me out here. I know it a chore but its relaxing and allows us to bond.”
“Oh. Sure dad” he replied. He had to think fast to get out of this one. “I was just going to ... milk the cows for you.” And at that he changed direction. As soon as he reached the confinement of the barn, he dashed past the pre-prepared pale of milk, and saddled up his horse, in the adjoining stable. Minutes later, he was outside and bolted through the field beyond, jumping the fence, clearing it and a couple of metres. He did not know if anyone saw him, he didn’t care, all he knew was that he was free.
He reached the safety of the forest lining, minutes later. He hadn’t stopped since the stable and realised that he had no where to go. But never the less, he continued and wondered on. The green canopy above him consumed the sky, allowing only a sliver to fall through and scatter on the mossy sewn floor. It was a relaxing and therapeutic place, where the sweet sounds of tropical birds hung in the air while they remained hidden. He was at peace wondering between the earthly giants.
After what seemed like hours of aimless wondering, he emerged in a clearing that opened onto a cliff. A crystal stream emerged from the woodlands and surged over the edge. The rushing waters, quiet yet distinct, rushed forward forming a glass pane that could not be broken. He dismounted and walked over to the stream, cupping some water into his hands to drink. Deciding to sit down and relax, he walked over to the cliff edge and seated himself. He watched the valley bellow as the birds soared into the sky. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a shadowed figure seat itself next to him.
“You’ve been having the dreams again, haven’t you?” The question hung in the air for a moment before the silence was broken.
“It was different this time. I was there. I could smell the stale stench of death, in the air, and hear the wounded dying. I could feel the tips of the swords ripping into the flesh and seeking out the life within. I was there-” He cut off, the emotions and memories swelling within.
“And then what?”
“I awoke-” His brow was deep in concentration and his eyes unfocused. “Covered in blood. I carried on, from where the nightmare ended. I was cut from the shoulder to the chest, but was not wounded. My shirt glistened red and I was covered in sweat. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt”
“But why are they back?”
“I don’t think they are. They are something new, something different, but I don’t know what.”
“But they are only dreams.” She reassured him
“Are they?” he left the question hanging there, unknowing.

To Be Continued ...

Friday, 18 March 2011


Hey everyone!

Sorry, I’m having quite a good day. It started out kinda shit, I was feeling really self-conscious on the way into college and I thought I was late so I was racing in, but it kind of stopped there.

I go into college on time so I went straight to my lesson. Maths.

Usually I hate it – especially because we are doing Integration. Which just remined me when I was in the lesson of a VERY short but funny conversation we had in Sociology the other day:

Teacher: I don’t know why so few girls take Maths on past GCSE
Student 1: Because you are given a choice to, and we choose not to.
Teacher: I hate maths, too much numbers and letters.
Student 2: I know! And sometimes there are no numbers at all, just letters! Thats practically English!

Haha, oh how I love my class. But its very true, usually with Integration, there are practically no numbers.  So I was having fun in my lesson and understood it, which is quite complex stuff, and then I got chatting to my friend (?) – I question it because we only hang out in Maths haha, but we get on :) So we spent most of the lesson talking to each other about Uni and courses etc.
Yay for Integration!

Then instead of doing work like I usually do in my free periods, I stayed with my friends and socialised. We played so many card games; butterfly, pyramid, shit-head, irish snap and so forth. As well as playing Plants Vs Zombies (best game I’ve played in a long time haha).

Oh, I’ve also been asked to both train some first year students on the more advanced media equipment  (I also taught them the regular ones too :P) and to join a few more media projects; like in a week or so I’ll be filming a college event and using LIVE EDITING, omg I’m so nervous haha. But it will be fun.

And then last lesson: sociology; we had a quiz. Its become like tradition. Our team name was Jackalus because my friend said it as a joke, but we couldn’t think of one, so it stuck. We were winning from the start, but wern’t far ahead as there was only one other team and the questions were kind of easy, so we couldn’t ‘steal’ them.

But some were really hard, like “the percentage of female students taking engineering in education in 2007”.

So in the end we were 4 point ahead with one question left: worth 10 points.

Closest number wins.

The question was “what percentage of women are there in the top 10 Law firms in the UK”. And to make things more complicated, it wasn’t a whole-number percentage! WTF?! How were we going to win this?! Haha.

WE were pretty certain it would be 11.something or 15.something, but any variation ofthe two. Then our friend said she thought it ended in a 9. Ok, so we narrowed it down! We decided to go with 15.9.

The other team went with 16.9.

We were EXACTLY correct and won! It’s only a small victory and everything, but it means a lot to me haha. We won with 14 point in the lead and remembered a statistic that is ridiculous.

Oh, and my teacher found it hilarious that I remembered a sociological study on Wonder woman. Random?

Ok, so this has nothing to do with today, but its a GREAT song!

And for all you cryptographers out there, have a go at this, I’ll be updating it every post. Email your answers to, the competition closes on Thursday. You’ll win the coveted ‘Confronting the Confused Medal’ and the chance to join an elite society where you get to mock those who didn’t decipher it :P

Ok, so here it is:   7.173.10380.622800

Good Luck, Jack xx

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Lucky or Unlucky?

Or rather, to be or not to be.


No I haven't died or anything, I've just had a lot on my mind, and well, sometimes Shakespeare knew what he was talking about

    To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause – there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of disprized love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin?

P.S. My 111st post, Lucky or Unlucky?

Saturday, 12 March 2011

dfgjl; sdghb

So I did have a nice post planned that would make lots of people happy to know, but some stuff kinda got in the way, and diminishes what it was in reality.

Peter’s moved on.

I wont say who, what, when, where, how, or anything. Thats for him to decide to tell you.

And I will be honest, I will pour my heart out here, because I don’t know what else to do. Everywhere I look I see something that reminds me of him, I cant stant it. I am actually sat here crying my eyes out.

And my only hope, is that he wont see this for a while, as he isn’t spending much time online anymore. Or that he will see this one day in the distant future, when I am over him in return.

He’s moved on.

The words hardly sink in. I still love him SO much, I don’t know what I can do without him. Its strange because when it happened the first time, I knew we would get back together, I was jsut upset. Then this time I wasn’t so sure, but now I know. He isn’t coming back.

I wish I had fought more for him, said “NO! We’re not breaking up”, but what would that have done? At best, I would have forced him into a relationship that he didn’t want to be in, and we would have broken up again.

He keeps telling me how much he loves me and misses me, and yet he’s moved on. I love him SO much and I miss him every second of every day, and yet I cant tell him because I don’t want him to feel the pain I do. I don’t want him to feel the twang of heart strings each time one of those words are muttered.

Everytime he tells me something that he’s done, I have to refrain from asking more questions. I want to know every detail, and its killing be because it’d kill me to know the answers.


I know the distance wouldn’t have worked especially for a minimum of three years, but I don’t care. It would have been easier than this pain. The pain I feel every moment I’m awake, and every minute I’m asleep too. He’s the only thing on my mind and I cant get rid of it. Like a little child at a meal, you hate that you cant get rid of them, but you cant help but love them to pieces.

Thats what I am. In pieces.

But I know that he is happier this way. I just have to power on and know that he is better off without me, like oh so many other people. I mean, whats the point of life without love, and love always ends in heart break?! I’ll always have such fond memories of him and they’ll stay with me until I die. I just wish he would too. I just wish I was stronger.

I jsut want this all to fucking end!

That Ever-Evasive Knock.

As a child, I had two friends.

They were my best and only friends; I didn’t have a need for more.

Every day I would go over to their house and invite them over to my house to play, and we used my toys, and everything. I was the person to instigate everything!

And yet, every afternoon, they would go around the neighbourhood and invite out everyone, except me, to play.


They would cross the road, and knock on the doors next to my house, and skip mine.

Do you know how hurtful that is; to be in front of the window and see your two best friends – only friends – do that to you? And this happened every day.

At first I would rush and get ready and put my shoes on and wait for them to knock, but they didn’t, like they promised. Then I would notice they invited others out to play, so I would rush and get ready, but by the time I gout outside my house they had left.

Eventually I just stopped getting ready.

And on the few occasions they did invite me out, or I did catch up to them, it would be to play games such as hide and seek, where I would be left in my hiding place for hours, and they'd have forgotten about me and gone home.

So I find it difficult to get close to some people, and when I do I try not to seem needy or clingy and I don’t do all the legwork.


I don’t want to be that little kid at home sitting on the stairs waiting for that ever-evasive knock.

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

It takes some time to let you go

She actually looked like this...

This my dear friends is the tale of a man and a woman. But this story is different than the usual bedtime story. True, it is a love story, but it is one of deceit and trickery.

This is the story of my first love, Lacy, and how she broke my heart.

I’ll leave out our actual relationship for a later post, but short-hand, we broke up and it was then that I realised how much I loved her. But there was one problem: his name was Nathan. Her new boyfriend.

I knew they started dating soon after we finished, and being the nice guy I am, I refused to try to end their relationship, or put it in jeopardy. This went on for months, until it was the last day of year 6 (12 years old) and we had a school trip planned where we would go swimming bowling for the day.

Now was my chance.

I wasn’t going to ask her out, I knew we were both moving to different schools and there was no hope for a relationship. But I couldn’t not tell her how I felt. I was head over heels in love with her. Did she feel the same way?

So the time came and I put it off. I knew it was my LAST chance to do it – partly the incentive to be honest – so I tried to get her on her own so that we could talk. But of course she had that gaggle of followers with her, making it nearly impossible.

I followed her all around the swimming pool. I barely enjoyed myself, because I was on the lookout constantly.

There she is!
There are her friends!

Then the time came for bowling. GREAT! But I wasn’t in her team. Moreover, she was down the other side, on the furthest away lane. I was doomed!

But I struck gold, she started crying. (not what I expected to say) But no, don’t get me wrong, she was crying and that made my heart break inside, but it meant that she was away from her lane, I had a reason to talk to her and she was alone. Perfect opportunity.

So I went over.

I cheered her up a bit, hugged her some more, and found out why she was upset. But just as I was about to tell her how I felt, her gaggle approached and I had to make myself scarce.

My time was running out. In only a couple of hours she would be gone forever, and I would have been stuck with the consequences. We were waiting outside for the coach to take us back, my heart racing almost as much as the cars on the road to our left.

Time up. It was now or never.

I walked up to her, while most people were sitting on the grass. It was a warm summer’s day. She was alone on the hilltop.

I told her.

There wasn’t much more to it. I poured my heart out to her, and explained how I didn’t expect ANYTHING to happen, but she had to know how I felt. She just HAD to! Then I walked away. Stronger than ever.

But little did I know my world was about to come crumbling down.

Nathan came running over to me about 10 minutes after the confrontation and we talked. He explained that he would go and ask Lacy out for me, and how he wasn’t dating her and she liked me. I couldn’t believe my luck! He ran off.

I waited impatiently for over 2 hours for her response, I couldn’t wait. Maybe we could get this to work! I mean, we still live near each other, and she would be home from boarding school every weekend. There was texting and email!

We could do this!

So I waited. And waited. And waited.

The coaches arrived. I was distraught. Then her bff Katie came running over to me. Apparently she had been dating Nathan all along and they thought it would be funny to do this to me.

She didn’t break my heart. She obliterated it to smithereens. No. Smaller.

Although it took me 7 years to get over her and be happy again, causing numerous psychological problems with me, it was at this precise moment that I decided it.

I decided never to fall in love again...

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Life by Moonlight: Part 2

Last Time:
The sound of crashing metal echoed  throughout his mind as he focussed on the creature. Attack after attack, he avoided the deathly swings, but never able to attack, himself. Then, he missed. The creature dropped its left arm and sliced his chest open. It all went suddenly silent. As his eyes lowered, he looked at his blood covered hands, and it all went dark.

The mountainous ridges rose sharply on two sides forming the Greenhorn Valley. With seldom wind, seeds fell close to their parents forming a sheltered area that engulfed the mountains in a sea of greenery. Its strategic location allowed an even mixture of the seasons, causing its inhabitants to receive heat and snow, at opposite times of the year. Due to its position, the mountains escaped the sun, fleeing from the light to cause no shadow over the valley. Clouds were a rarity here, and when they did appear, they surrounded the lush mountaintops and sent a thick mist flowing down before it. The mist would creep up like a panther, silent and deadly, only providing you with a few feet of visibility. Deep in the depths of the surrounding forests, scattered settlements cascaded their way towards the valley floor, trying to reach the sanctity of flat ground. In the centre of the valley, ran the river Crystal, that provided life to all of its inhabitants. The valleymen were a private group who barely travelled beyond the protective mountains. Leaving the valley was both the greatest honour and the worst punishment, but they always ended with the same result. No return. Teachers and scientists had always been trusted to explore their confinements, filled with an air of arrogance and wonder, they reached the ridge and were never seen or heard from again. They knew little about the outside world, only learning from daring merchants wishing to seek business and trade. Superstition and stereotypes were taught in school as fact, and were never proved wrong.
They were all happy and content with their lives, only thinking about the day before and the day yet to come. All but one. A young boy who had always felt that life had something greater in store for him. He had always sought adventure and freedom in his sleepy prison, searching for some way to escape.
Wil was sixteen, although his inquisitive nature made him seem more boyish. No emotion touched him that did not instantly register in his expression and sincerity shone in him like a beacon. He was impulsive, extravagant and not overly bright; however, it was impossible not to like him. He had bronzed skin that had been sun touched, from working on his father’s farm all day and although he was not the strongest boy in the valley, what he lacked in strength, he made up for in spirit. He often wore leather pants and a tunic that were suitable for everyday work and relaxation. His deep brown eyes appeared so shockingly loving and innocent, they seemed almost oblivious to the danger that lay out there. He was half elf - on his mother’s side - and although he was the splitting image of his father, he still retained those distinctive and graceful characteristics of his mother. He had her slim nose, thin arched eyebrows and slightly pointed ears, hidden under his brown locks.
His coarse brown hair hung in his eyes as he stood, leaning on the windowsill, looking out across the valley, as his mother called him. Her sweet voice cut through the spring air, like a blade, but was not harsh on the ears. It filled your mind and made you want to hear more. Sweet, succulent aromas wafted in the air and through their home, to be warmly greeted. He instantly pushed away from the window and followed its delectable sent. His mother was standing over the range, putting the evenings dinner in the stove and stirred the half dozen pots, that sat on top. Her long flaxen hair, hung down and over her back in waves of gold. She wore a bland dress, of deep brown, that tightly hung to her and fell to about the knees. Although she was plain woman, who took little joy in anything but her family and home, she had a certain regality about her. She was soft and kind, and always knew just what to do or say. She was very intelligent, and seemed to know just what you were doing and appeared the split second something was broken. But despite this, she was full of life and forgiveness, there was nothing to big.
“Honestly Will, you waste all of you time doing silly and pointless things, its time for you to do something constructive. Go and help your father on the farm, he needs you.” This was more an order than a suggestion, but he did it anyway, exiting the room and muttering to himself as he did so.

To Be Continued ...

Monday, 7 March 2011

Am I Blind?

So the other day I was walking home from college when I walked past this guy who was sat on a fence. He was middle aged, smoking, worried look on his face. I felt like stopping and checking like he was ok, like any normal kind-hearted human being; but instead I just kept walking.

I felt genuinely worried for the man as he looked quite upset, but I just couldn’t bring myself to stop. I kept telling myself that he’s ok and he’ll be fine. It was just my imagination; but how do I know that?!

I mean, I know other people from other generation would stop if I was acting like that. I know there are these people out there, but where? And why aren’t I one of them?

What if my generation don’t do this, out of fear of looking stupid? What if we never grow up to care for one another. We would just be a group of people, living as a community, but being disjointed, alone within a sea of others.

If we don’t get this sense of morality and passion for other people, what then? Will all civilisation be lost? If we can’t learn this, then how do we expect our children to? Or their children? Where will this skill be picked up again?

Or will it? We could be like so many of our animal predecessors: extinct.

WE need this love and compassion for one another to survive. Yes, it is survival of the fittest outside, but if we all banded together, then we all win.

Society needs us.

Jack xx

Sunday, 6 March 2011

End of an Era

I watched you every day.
And I
memorised your hair, your eyes,
Looking the night away.
Painting your face inside my mind,
Hoping never to forget,
Worlds apart and yet so close,
So full of love and regret.

Where is he, n’ where did he go?
Why was he here and then not so?
I’m tearing up my mind, inside.
But time moves on,
And so must we,
The seasons change,
And finally flee.
And like the bluebird,
You sang your song,
Then you fly away,
And you move on.

Looking for answers, but don’t know where,
Just the dark blue sky hanging there,
The wind whistling through the pain,
Just a long, long night with nothing to gain.

Thunderclouds looming overhead,
N’ lightning strikes the ground.
Thunderclouds looming overhead,
N’ a tree falls down.

The dim streets, n’ the dark night,
Shadows moving outa sight,
Broken limbs and a broken heart,
Broken mind, but no re-start.

It still hurts, when I think of you,
It still hurts, to breathe.
It still hurts, when I say your name,
It still hurts, me.

Saturday, 5 March 2011


So today I had the sense to do nothing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have LOADS to do, but I just cba.

I was up until early this morning doing crap, and watching TV. I just wasn’t in the mood to sleep. Go figure. So I go to bed at 2am and get up about 8. Usual Saturday.

I lay in bed until about mid-day watching TV and wasting my life away, the good way. My friend has really got me into Naruto! Its kind of annoying that she has so much influence over me, but I don’t mind. Its a good show (I’m actually watching it as I write this).

Naruto and Sasuke would make such a cute couple!

Anyway, so I’m spending my Saturday night at home, alone, and what do I do?

I help my friend get dressed. Long story short, I was providing her with fashion advice and telling her what to wear, and then we webcamed and she showed me what we decided :P
She looked AMAZING!

She used to be a model!

And so as we were deciding what to wear, she admitted something to me ...

She used to have a big crush on me when she first met me.

Want to know the annoying thing? I had a huge one on her at the same time!

Its always the case with me. I like a girl, but am WAY to shy, so I don’t say anything. Eventually I get over the crush, and we become close friends, just for me to find out they like me and that we could have had our happy ever after together.
You’d be surprised how often this has happened to me...

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with Peter and she now has a bf, so I’m glad we didn’t get together. But its just SO frustrating!

We got into a discussion about why we didn’t say anything to each other. She actually feels like she is “plain” an “invisible” and yet she is stunning! And I told her that I didn’t make a move because she was out of my ‘league’.

Its interesting how the league system works because its always different to different people. To me, she is like a 9, but she doesn’t feel the same. She thinks of herself more of a 4. People are attracted to different things and its just such a shame that some people cant understand how they are attractive to others.

I know I am being a hypocrite because I’m the EXACT same as my friend, but its interesting. Almost everyone feels the same way: they don’t like how they look, and yet, when they are confronted with someone who also doesn’t like they way they look, they find it difficult to understand how they feel that way!

That’s the mind for you. Predictable and yet, unique.

Jack xx

Life by Moonlight: Part 1

The command thundered between the surrounding mountains, as the nearing army stormed onwards. The clouds were blackened and cast a dim light over the battlefield, the only source of light from the aberrant flashes of lightning. Together they struck fear in the heart of man, promising imminent defeat and death to those who wait. Thunder rumbled overhead and filled the valley with its song, as the steady beat of rain grew stronger and more boisterous. The torrential downpour transformed the once lush, grassy field into a barren swamp, in a matter of minuets, but the oncoming mass seemed unfazed and did not slow. Battle cries raged and grew in numbers, the shrieks now barely audible over the thunderous storm and blustering winds.
And then he saw them.
Disfigured creatures swarming in the distance, as far as the eye could see, until they merged into a gigantic black cloud. It was full of a strange black light, an area of nothingness that burrowed through the air, engulfing anything in its path. No light was emitted, but rather it sought out and absorbed what little there was. It covered the surrounding area, flowing over the distant hills and never stopping, never slowing. Leaching the life out of the land.
In the distance the beasts had looked normal and almost human, but this was far from the truth. They all varied in size and shape, no two the same, and although they resembled man, their flesh was rotten and black, and their bloody eyes filled with a hated unknown to anything alive. They stormed ahead with a single-mindedness determination, oblivious to anything but their one and only goal. They were not here to conquer, they were here to destroy.
They were only half a league away now, but they were cloaked in darkness, masking their grotesque forms and any other features.
“Now!”. The commanding roar was bellowed from somewhere behind him, in the mass of silver armour. He just had time to witness the legions fall into position, before the approaching army reached its prey.
The spearmen were on the front line and lowered their pikes against the approaching doom. Hand crafted wooden shafts with metal tips, were all that stood between the two opposing forces. Behind them, legions of archers released a sea of arrows on the enemy, dropping them dead. Limp corpses littered the ground with wooden shafts protruding from their bodies. But this was a mere scratch on the enemy’s endless army, and the dead were simply trodden on and forgotten. The latter approached they rammed into the weapons, sacrificing themselves. They managed to support the numbers for a while, but they were soon overpowered and the barrier was broken. 
The entire army took out their broadswords and hacked away at anything that moved. The field stained red and littered with countless generations, the enemy reached him. Fear rushed through him and he froze. Unable to move, he saw his imminent death, only moments away.
A creature emerged from the crowd and walked towards him, sword flashing in the crimson in the light. Then he realised the creature wasn’t carrying weapons, they were weapons. Its arm was flat and razor sharp, it had no need of a sword. They had been born and raised for this single purpose. The creature swung for him, angling its arm downwards. He managed to raise his arm just in time, to block the attack, and shield his exposed flesh. The sound of crashing metal echoed  throughout his mind as he focussed on the creature. Attack after attack, he avoided the deathly swings, but never able to attack, himself. Then, he missed. The creature dropped its left arm and sliced his chest open. It all went suddenly silent. As his eyes lowered, he looked at his blood covered hands, and it all went dark.

To be continued ...

Friday, 4 March 2011

Not what I was expecting

So today I had several options for posts that I will surely save for the future, so don’t worry, there will be plenty of content coming your way. However, I had decided immediately to do a post on revision and grades as I got full marks on a test and it was the best in the year. Yay me.

But I have been feeling kinda down lately, and well, quite frankly, I couldn’t be arsed.

Well, not that I couldn’t be arsed, but more, I didn’t feel up to doing a ‘yay me’ post when I feel like complete crap.

So yes, I’m sorry fellow bloggers and mystery guests, but this post is going to be about me being down in the dumps. But due to popular demand, you guys said you wanted me to share these moments with you, so just be warned.

So its just been one of those weeks for me, where I get a bit sad about nothing in particular, and then I get ‘tempted’. Whether it be a passing ‘cutting’ thought, or a simple ‘this would kill you’. Don’t worry, I don’t act on it. At this stage it is very simple, and I get through several of these thoughts in an hour or two, perfectly manageable to me.

But then I get thinking about life, as we all do and it goes a bit downhill.

Life sucks.

If there is life, then there will be happiness; if there is happiness then there will be hope; with hope there will be dreams; with dreams, reality; reality, disappointment; disappointment, sadness and distress.

Its inevitable.

But I know that from this disappointment – where you are at rock bottom – it is much easier to find happiness and hope.

The cycle continues.

Is there a way to break this cycle? Is there a way to just remain in a perpetual state of one of these categories? Why must life be full of little surprises where history changes one TINY event, to make things completely different? And yet, the basics remain the same.

It just seems like I’m reliving events over and over again, only difference is: I know the outcome. Yet, I cant seem to change it. Like a nightmare that you have no control over, it just keeps coming back, night after night, the same events unfolding, unable to help yourself. Until you wake up.

Think back to your past, all those years ago. Were you once happy? Were you once full of hope and dreams for the future? Did those hopes and dreams one day come true? Or did you simply change them once reality struck? Did you fall? Have you fallen? Are you falling? ...

Jack xx
(sorry for the depressive post, but hope you didn’t mind the change in structure/content.)

Sometimes I just wonder if things are better off without me ...

Thursday, 3 March 2011

Back at Last!


No, I’m not dead! Just returning from a mandatory vacation.

Well not really a vacation, more ‘a visit to hell’. My laptop got a nasty virus on Friday and it has taken a week to get it fixed. Cost a small ransom, but I needed it to be able to LIVE!

But I will be honest that as this is my 101st post, I wanted to make it something more special, and make this my re-vamp!


Yes, for a long time now I have felt that my blogging has not gone the way I wanted it to, and has just become a menial diary where I dictate my bland life to you. No point arguing, we all know its true. So I have several instalments – and hopefully improvements – to make. So here they go:

I want to reflect upon life in general, so my posts will still contain what’s been happening in my life, but I want to be more theoretical. What’s the point in focusing on how I trod in Dog Faeces, if I’m not going to rant about why people cant clean up their messes.
I hope to post instalments of my novel (and/or sort stories on here) as I am an aspiring novelist. HA. I have been writing it since I was 7, where each attempt failed. I think the first time I tried to write a book, it lasted a page and a half. Start to finish! But this one is going well, so why not post it online?!
I will be opening up an Agony Uncle section, where people can send me questions of varying nature, and I will try my best to offer REAL advice x People usually confide in me and I try my best to help them out, so I thought, why should that be limited to physicality? I mean, just because I cant touch you guys, doesn’t mean you might not need help. It would all be confidential, and so I hope I get a few replies :)
There may be adverts coming up soon, as, well, me and Peter felt any help towards paying for plane tickets would be needed haha. I don’t know how badly this will affect my blog, hopefully not too much, but you’ll be there every step of the way with me :) ... hopefully.
And on that note, me and Peter have been discussing whether we should implement a donation section. A few incredibly generous people have offered substantial amounts to help (or practically) pay for me to see Peter, but due to stubbornness, our hatred for borrowing and a few other factors we turned them down. They shall remain nameless, upon request, but I just wanted to let them know how much it meant. However, we were brought back to the idea we had when we first started dating of having a donations section on our blog, where people could donate smaller, amounts IF THEY SO WISH! (sorry, I just don’t want people to feel pressured). We are not asking for money, nothing near it, and at the moment it is just talk, but people could donate smaller amounts if they want to, in exchange for more and more varied content. A kind of, payment, if you wish.

So these are the changes I will be making to my blog:
1.       Theoretical content, that reflects upon life
2.       Short stories/novel segments
3.       Agony Uncle
4.       Possibly Adverts
5.       Possibly Donations
Any feedback or advice is sorely needed ad appreciated! Oh, and if there is anything else you want to see up here, just say so :)
And I won’t hold it against any followers if they ‘un’ follow. My log will not be what you signed up for, so I hope none go, but its ok :) I’m not going to hunt you down ... much. Haha.

Jack xx