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Wednesday, 9 March 2011

It takes some time to let you go

She actually looked like this...

This my dear friends is the tale of a man and a woman. But this story is different than the usual bedtime story. True, it is a love story, but it is one of deceit and trickery.

This is the story of my first love, Lacy, and how she broke my heart.

I’ll leave out our actual relationship for a later post, but short-hand, we broke up and it was then that I realised how much I loved her. But there was one problem: his name was Nathan. Her new boyfriend.

I knew they started dating soon after we finished, and being the nice guy I am, I refused to try to end their relationship, or put it in jeopardy. This went on for months, until it was the last day of year 6 (12 years old) and we had a school trip planned where we would go swimming bowling for the day.

Now was my chance.

I wasn’t going to ask her out, I knew we were both moving to different schools and there was no hope for a relationship. But I couldn’t not tell her how I felt. I was head over heels in love with her. Did she feel the same way?

So the time came and I put it off. I knew it was my LAST chance to do it – partly the incentive to be honest – so I tried to get her on her own so that we could talk. But of course she had that gaggle of followers with her, making it nearly impossible.

I followed her all around the swimming pool. I barely enjoyed myself, because I was on the lookout constantly.

There she is!
There are her friends!

Then the time came for bowling. GREAT! But I wasn’t in her team. Moreover, she was down the other side, on the furthest away lane. I was doomed!

But I struck gold, she started crying. (not what I expected to say) But no, don’t get me wrong, she was crying and that made my heart break inside, but it meant that she was away from her lane, I had a reason to talk to her and she was alone. Perfect opportunity.

So I went over.

I cheered her up a bit, hugged her some more, and found out why she was upset. But just as I was about to tell her how I felt, her gaggle approached and I had to make myself scarce.

My time was running out. In only a couple of hours she would be gone forever, and I would have been stuck with the consequences. We were waiting outside for the coach to take us back, my heart racing almost as much as the cars on the road to our left.

Time up. It was now or never.

I walked up to her, while most people were sitting on the grass. It was a warm summer’s day. She was alone on the hilltop.

I told her.

There wasn’t much more to it. I poured my heart out to her, and explained how I didn’t expect ANYTHING to happen, but she had to know how I felt. She just HAD to! Then I walked away. Stronger than ever.

But little did I know my world was about to come crumbling down.

Nathan came running over to me about 10 minutes after the confrontation and we talked. He explained that he would go and ask Lacy out for me, and how he wasn’t dating her and she liked me. I couldn’t believe my luck! He ran off.

I waited impatiently for over 2 hours for her response, I couldn’t wait. Maybe we could get this to work! I mean, we still live near each other, and she would be home from boarding school every weekend. There was texting and email!

We could do this!

So I waited. And waited. And waited.

The coaches arrived. I was distraught. Then her bff Katie came running over to me. Apparently she had been dating Nathan all along and they thought it would be funny to do this to me.

She didn’t break my heart. She obliterated it to smithereens. No. Smaller.

Although it took me 7 years to get over her and be happy again, causing numerous psychological problems with me, it was at this precise moment that I decided it.

I decided never to fall in love again...


Wayne said...

You have me a little confused here; did you say 12yrs old? I didn't think any serious dating went on around that age! Kids are emotionally immature and selfish around this age. Everyone can think of some thoughtless and cruel things they have done in childhood that at the time did not seem like a big deal. We get paid back for those things with a pang of guilt in our older years when we look back. We all can fall in love again if we take advantage of the opportunity when it comes around. A little adversity makes you stronger. bfn - Wayne :)

Anonymous said...

Wow, Jack. A post from the heart. It's a shame this caused so much long-term grief. For that, I offer my deepest sympathy. I, too, got dumped at 12 for another guy - get this - one who smoked! At least that's what I was told by her. A few months later, at a retreat, she told me she just didn't like my zits. Talk about devastated. Turns out when I reconnected with her 25 years later, she's lesbian with a committed partner. Shit, if she'd told me that way back then, I think I could have accepted it. I knew I was gay, but trying like hell to suppress it and be "straight", at least for looks sake. I hope you're healed from that encounter, since now you have to deal with a new loss. Remember, we're here for you, Jack. We care.
Peace <3

Micky said...

OMG! Wayne, dear heart, some of my best friends were dating at nine and ten - let alone around puberty!

Oh Jack - young love! It's enough to turn a boy gay!

But, of course, many would say that we can't predict or control love - it does it's own thing and simply invites us to follow.

Jack xx said...

No Wayne, i did indeed say 12. I had had several relationships but i really did love her. ANd it crushed me to pieces. So yes i was 12 and should have been out playing in the mud (that i also did lol) but i was also dating. It was surprisingly common in my town.

Thanks Jay. We met up last year for the first time and it was only then that i realised i no longer loved her. Its interesting how the mind and heart work. At the time i didn't know i was gay or anything and was happy in my naivity. But its a shame about your past :(

Haha, Micky, maybe its just England? I mean some of my friends were loosing their virginity arround that age lol. I absolutely agree with what you were saying about love, but it doesnt have to mean love is good.

wldbl01 said...


I hope all three of 'em read this!


-"WARPed" Andy

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