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Saturday, 12 March 2011

dfgjl; sdghb

So I did have a nice post planned that would make lots of people happy to know, but some stuff kinda got in the way, and diminishes what it was in reality.

Peter’s moved on.

I wont say who, what, when, where, how, or anything. Thats for him to decide to tell you.

And I will be honest, I will pour my heart out here, because I don’t know what else to do. Everywhere I look I see something that reminds me of him, I cant stant it. I am actually sat here crying my eyes out.

And my only hope, is that he wont see this for a while, as he isn’t spending much time online anymore. Or that he will see this one day in the distant future, when I am over him in return.

He’s moved on.

The words hardly sink in. I still love him SO much, I don’t know what I can do without him. Its strange because when it happened the first time, I knew we would get back together, I was jsut upset. Then this time I wasn’t so sure, but now I know. He isn’t coming back.

I wish I had fought more for him, said “NO! We’re not breaking up”, but what would that have done? At best, I would have forced him into a relationship that he didn’t want to be in, and we would have broken up again.

He keeps telling me how much he loves me and misses me, and yet he’s moved on. I love him SO much and I miss him every second of every day, and yet I cant tell him because I don’t want him to feel the pain I do. I don’t want him to feel the twang of heart strings each time one of those words are muttered.

Everytime he tells me something that he’s done, I have to refrain from asking more questions. I want to know every detail, and its killing be because it’d kill me to know the answers.

OH GOD I MISS HIM SO MUCH!

I know the distance wouldn’t have worked especially for a minimum of three years, but I don’t care. It would have been easier than this pain. The pain I feel every moment I’m awake, and every minute I’m asleep too. He’s the only thing on my mind and I cant get rid of it. Like a little child at a meal, you hate that you cant get rid of them, but you cant help but love them to pieces.

Thats what I am. In pieces.

But I know that he is happier this way. I just have to power on and know that he is better off without me, like oh so many other people. I mean, whats the point of life without love, and love always ends in heart break?! I’ll always have such fond memories of him and they’ll stay with me until I die. I just wish he would too. I just wish I was stronger.

I jsut want this all to fucking end!

9 comments:

Ethan said...

That was fast. Doesn't sound like he was in love with you as much as he made it seem. Don't know how you can get over a guy in such a short while.

IDK what to think about Peter anymore

More importantly I'm sorry that you are like this Jack. Be strong you will get over Peter and I really think it will be for the best if you do. Jack please stay strong I do understand that it is hard. It was hard for me too when I broke up with Ryan but you will get through it.

If you need to talk to someone I'm here or I'm sure someone else here on blogger is willing to talk too.

Take Care love,
Ethan

jaygeemmm said...

You know we're here for you, Jack. I know exactly how painful this is for you, and I will do anything I possibly can to help you through you.
Peace <3
Jay

Rowan said...

It's easy for me to simply say "Stay strong, Jack" coz i've never been in any kind of relationship like you had with Peter, but i do mean it. We will help you stay strong Jack, we care for you mate.
Call on us when you need it, im sure nobody will refuse to help you.

Rowan <3

A Wandering Pom said...

Jack

*hugs*

It may not feel like much consolation now, but it does get better, and the pain does go away. In the meantime, though, I think it might be a good idea not to talk to Peter for a while - it feels to me rather like rubbing salt in the wound. If you can find something else to concentrate on, that would probably help take your mind off things. I'm happy to talk.

*hugs*

Mark

Wayne said...

Sorry you are hurting Jack. Sometimes distance IS impossible to overcome. I think of the soldiers gone to war who get the 'Dear John' letters from their soon-to-be-ex gfs. It is hard to compete with someone's physical presence. I suppose Peter meets some gay friends and is tired of feeling guilty if he messes around with them; it is not because he doesn't love you.
-But Jack you are a good looking guy who is a good catch for a lot of gay guys out there. You need to circulate in your own gay community and find that best friend/lover who is at least within driving distance. Lots of homosexual guys still in the closet around your age; maybe you can use your gadar and drag them out! Spring and Summer are coming up and you are now FREE to look around; you now have opportunity and that is exciting and fun. Don't dwell on yourself; get out there into activities; take up jogging or biking to get yourself in shape and remove stress. A little effort to put this behind you will work wonders. Let us know how you are doing! bfn - Wayne (hugs)

Micky said...

I've broken up with boyfriends/lovers/partners several times in my life and when it's been the other guy I've never known what to do except shout and scream and stamp my foot.

I've invariably been insufferable for people to live with or even be around.

I've cried buckets for the man I've lost.

Kemptoo said...

Sorry to hear it is over. I personally would have a problem with a long distance relationship. There is too many distractions to get in the way, out of sight out of mind.

Thinking of you.

A Wandering Pom said...

Jack

*hugs*

I don't have much time to write now, but I'll be thinking of you today.

Mark

Phil Yabootz said...

Relationships during teen years are funny things.

I'm sorry to say the distance between you made me think your relationship was doomed from the start. Look at the experience as an education which will prepare you for hurts later in life (there will be many) and I know the much bandied around phrase 'what don't kill you makes you stronger' is a bit cliche but in many respects it is true.

On a personal level the closest I came to loving a boy ended disastrously when he outed me to the whole school after HE had initiated the sexual side of our 'relationship'.

Finding and losing a kindred spirit is hard to bear, but it's not the end of the world.

If you need a chat contact me or one of our contributors at http://teenboyissues.com or http://biphobia.blogspot.com

The mind plays cruel tricks when emotionally drained don't succumb to them you sound like a good person.

Kindest Regards

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