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Saturday, 17 September 2011

The Story Part 1

Hey guys, sorry i havn't been blogging much but i've just had a lot to sort out lately x

So here is what happened that night and i hope that this is one of the last times i have to tell it, because even now it still haunts me. It follows me around like a dark black cloud that i cant quite shake off. I can only ignore it and pretend that its not there.

So for a long time i had been in a downward spiral, everything seemed so hopeless and lost to me. i had no future and nothing to look forward to, so what was i doing?!


I felt like i had no qualitty of life and nothing to live for. So i decided that enough was enough and that the end was near. I took my future into m own hands.

I picked a date and stocked up on Asprin tablets and decided when and where i was going to do it. That was what brought on my reflective period. I guess i wanted my story out there before it was lost to the winds.

I was ready to do it for quite a long time, i was actually just waiting for my sister to go to bed so that i could leave and begin, and as is always the case, i procrastinated and was late leaving.

I walked over to the local field as i had a lot of happy memories there and sat down by one of my favorite trees and opened the pills so that i could take them quicker and easier. I then took some and began the slow decent into the obituary.

I walked over to the local lake and take more and more and more until i litterally couldnt take a single one, without being sick. And that would have been counterproductive so i forced myself to stop. I then sat there for a while just staring out over the calm water and the flickering stars as the odd person walked past.

I couldnt help but think "what if they found out that someone had killed themselves the night they walked past, and if they would realise they were the last people to see me" but it was soon forogtten.

A short while later i walked over to my second location, a little platform overlooking the lake. I wanted the last thing i saw to be this beautiful scene before me, like a state of euphoria might emerge from it. I liked the poetry and idealism i got from it.

Silly i know.

So i lay down and listened to my ipod to distract me from how ill i was feeling and waited for death to come, with open arms.

I waited.

Two hours later i woke up and found that my suicide attempt had failed, and i assumed it was later than it actually was, because it was now light out. I was wrong.

Walking home i grew increasingly ill and felt terrible. I mean, TERRIBLE! I could barely make it a few feet infront of me before i would stop and almost be sick.

But that was the problem ... almost.

I came to the crossroads. I could either go home and i was certain that the Asprin in my system would be fatal, and my family would find me the next day. Or later. Or, i could force myself to be sick and hope that the Asprin had not been absorbed into my system.

I paniced and started worrying and decided that enough was enough. I would be sick and then take it from there. If i attempted it again then i would learn from my mistakes.

But when i was sick, hardly anything came out and it was then that i paniced! Too much was in my system already.

Too much.

I went home and thought that it had all come to an end and that i had finaly got what i had always wanted ... death.

About an hour passed, where i walked home, got a drink, was sick again and tried to calm down. But i couldnt. My heart was pounding and pounding ... far to abnormal for just nurves.

The asprin was taking effect