Hey, feel free to pop over to where I have a lot more content. Photographs, drawings, poems. Hope you enjoy xx

Saturday, 25 June 2011


Having friends like this can make all the difference

Friday, 24 June 2011

Pink = Blue


"Your body is here to hold the person you are inside it. It doesn’t matter what changes on your body, whether it’s your hair colour, length, if you have a piercing, get a tattoo, whether you break a bone, lose a limb…. who you are will always be who you are. Your body is always changing anyway. How do you know if you’re a girl or a boy? You don’t need to look down to figure it out.

It’s not just that you would feel awkward, it’s the role you’re expected to play, even the name you’re given. I don’t get why people deny transgender as possible, there are lots of things that go wrong when a baby is being developed, what makes you think something like this can’t happen? It’s another physical birth defect. You can’t tell someone who they are inside. You aren’t them. Just like someone can’t tell you who you are. This jumps into the whole “you can’t help the way you are born” so I don’t understand why people think it’s hilarious to point fun at someone who’s unhappy with their body. Or in any situation. And in this one… it’s not just the life I’m living but myself to the core. Unhappy. Looking into the mirror and seeing a completely different person. My whole life. How does one express themselves when they don’t even see themselves?"

                                   (Read more: here)

I came across this a few months back and have had this just sat here waiting to be completed and well, I just didn’t know how to express why this affected me so much, but here goes.

Firstly, it is beautiful writing that I think accurately describes how so many people (not just teens) feel about themselves and everyone else. Me included.

Now I’m not going to sit here and express how I 'understand' what they are going through or anything like that because it is extremely difficult to do that, and I think only someone who is going through it all can truly empathise with them. But I do relate to this SO much, and I think that I at least partially understand what they feel.

As do most of you.

I mean, growing up, how many of you out there had to hide something pretty big about yourself for fear of ridicule? Whether that be age, things you like, sexuality etc. Come on, raise your hands!

I know I have. I have had a lot to hide over my short lifetime. But don’t worry, this isn’t going to be another of those "all about me" posts, no. This is about how people everywhere should not have to hide who they truly are.
'We're All Human Beings' Screen Print from Davisionary

We are all human inside, regardless of our exterior, and yet we base our beliefs and actions on this superficial and easily modifiable surface. We always express our desire to be treated fairly and kindly, to be treated as well another human being, as opposed to being objectified based on one small factor; and yet we are the ones who pass this judgment onto others.

Now I’m not a religious person, but the bible says "judge not, lest ye be judged", and I think that is pretty spot on.

If you want to be treated fairly - as we all do - then treat others just as equally. If we all treated each other how we wanted to be treated, then we in turn would receive kindness and love. Regardless of our exterior.

I personally have always been too self conscious to wear pink in public, because I know that most people around my street would make fun of me for being a "queer" or "fag", and although I am proud to be these things, the ridicule is a difficult thing to live with.

Whoever said, "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" was far from the truth!

Ann Oakley did a study on child psychology, where she collected a random sample of adults in a room and showed them a baby dressed in blue. The responses were that the adults gave the child 'masculine' toys like cars and used language like "strong" and "powerful".

And then she brought in the same baby but dressed in pink, and the response was completely different. The baby was given dolls to play with and words like "beautiful" and "precious" were used instead.
We as parents socialise and teach these roles to our children, establishing these social boundaries that are then passed through the generations! It is our fault that we base our judgments on people, on their exterior appearance and should take responsibility for that.

But the interesting thing, is that blue has always been a stereotypical colour for boys, and pink for girls ... right?


Back in the renaissance period, boys were dressed in pink and girls wore blue. Blue was a purer colour and that worn by the Virgin Mary, while pink was more masculine due to the warmth and power behind it. And somewhere along the line these two were switched. So we have been basing our discriminative beliefs, based on the wrong thing anyway!

Some of you may be familure with the painting: Blue Boy

But you may be less familure with its accomplice: Pink Boy

It was only until recently with the legalisation of homosexuality and the introduction of punk, were people truly allowed to express themselves freely. Nowadays you have people who can be accepted, despite being born the wrong gender, despite their sexuality, heck I know boys who wear make-up because they just enjoy it.

It is not something that should be ridiculed or hidden from the eyes of society. It should be celebrated for being individual, unique and personal. We should be the ones to change this behaviour by acting how we wish to be treated.

We are all humans and should treat each other that way ... no exceptions. 

My Friend Kurli wrote this and I think its perfect for what I’m trying to say ...

Thoughts become words, so watch what you think
Words become actions, power and strength
Actions grow larger and habits may grow
And through every habit, your character shows
Through what you are, your future is seen
So watch what you're thinking and watch what you'll be.


Thursday, 23 June 2011


Hey guys, sorry for the lack of posts, i have a massive back catalogue of posts to add the finishing touches to, so expect to be bombarded with posts soon :L

But i just got home from a nice meal out with my mum and sister Ariel. Well i say meal, we ended up having pizza and going out for a few drinks. Well i say few drinks, i actually mean quite a few drinks and having a nice chat. Well i say chatt, i mean deep meaningful conversation lol.

Turns out that my mum thinks its "just wrong" for a kid to have 2 dads (same as its wrong to raise a child as a single parent). I know what she means in that its easier for the child to grow up etc and we share the love for traditional beliefs.

I know she doesnt mean it in an offensive way, so i'm not going to told it against her, but i cant help but be upset. Because one day, if i make it that long i'd love to adopt a child or something and have a 'propper' family. I've wanted it for a long time and its a shame to think that she thinks that way :/


Saturday, 18 June 2011


Sorry for all the sort posts lately, ust want to keep you all updated whil things are fresh in my mind, and well this is a post where i genuinely have no idea about.

I need your help, if possible!

So i was just getting up to go and get someting to eat in the Kitchen, when i felt really dizzy. Nothing unusual there, i used to occasionally feint, for whatever reason. Being unwell, being too hot, blood. I used to think it was an inballane in m Blood Sugar levels because i had most of the symptoms, but anyway, i havnt feinted in about a year now.

So back to m story, so the simple way to stop mself from feinting is to jsut sit or lye down on the floor, and at least then if i do feint i wont do myself damage, and it usally does the trick.

Only this time i started shaking.

And i mean shaking!

Think like stereotypical epilepsy shaking (maybe slightly less), but kind of like this:

Only, 1) i am not epileptic or claim to be and 2) i was fully conious which is the weird thing. I didnt feel like i couldnt stop or anything, but more like i didnt think to stop myself. It was the strangest feeling. I didnt panic or get worried or even give it a passing thought, more like "oh, i'm lying on the floor shaking ... ok".

And then jsut as suddenly as it started, it stopped and i stood up and only then did it hit me what had just happened. I have no explination for it, only that it did jsut happen. I got really freaked out because i am used to almost feinting (and feinting by default lol) but this has litterally NEVER happened, and i am at a loss for words.

Emo guy says its just something that happened because i stopped the feint half way through, so my brain had "shut down", which makes sense, but its ust its NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!?!

Its over now and i'm calm and everything, but have no idea what it was, does anyone else have an explanation? xx

The Damage Done

So I wrote this last night when everything kept going wrong for me, and kind of explains what happened and how I'm feeling. So enjoy ... or dont, tbh idc :/

There is a painting hanging on my wall
of four and one, standing tall
smiles painted on, for all to see.
     Thats me.
For when that mouth opens wide
lies, aside by truth, aside by lies
secrets flying free.
     Thats me.
Misunderstood and misconstrued
no end in sight for the deluge
of broken wants and wishes
of dreamers long gone by.
For I am their oppressor.
   Their silencer.
     Their murderer.
For I am the night, to those days gone by.

Why am I such a dickhead


Thursday, 16 June 2011

Pathetic or just Pathetic Fallacy?

Hey guys, sorry for the abandonment and broken promise ... however small lol.

I’ve just been really busy with revision and relaxing and all that. So I’m afraid this post may be a bit long and rambly and so just try to stay with me haha and we’ll get there together lol
It was pouring down with rain today, on and off, kinda reflecting how i'm feeling :/
So first things first, I had some of my last exams today (well I have 2 more on Monday xD)  I had English Lit and Media studies. English lit is a complete bitch because we are studying Hamlet, Revengers Tragedy and The Wife of Bath ... which are some FRICKING OLD BOOKS!!! ... and its closed text, so we had to learn it all off by heart! Lol but I managed lol.

I’m actually really confident with my Hamlet essay, it was about how the play is actually a social and political commentary on England at the time, and I remembered all of the criteria needed and everything!

And media studies I’m actually a little less confident, the questions were easy and straight forward, but still quite difficult lol. But either way I’m happy I will get the B I need for uni ... which I will be coming back to later.
After 4 and a half hours of non-stop writing,
my hand looked like this .. no joking :/

So onto the main topic of tonight ... BOYS!!!

Or more specifically, how shit and unreliable they are ... ironically that was a section of my English Essay on the Wife of Bath haha.

I hate how they play with your emotions like your some sort of rag doll, free to toss around as they want, with no fear of the consequences! They will rip out your heart with a single thrust and show it to you then and there. But oh no, they wont give it back when there is still time to save you! OH NO! They store it in a jar and start a collection, just to show off to their friends!


OK, so I may be over-reacting atm, but I’m just so annoyed with Emo Guy!

I like him ... like really like him ... like more than I should considering I’m supposed to be moving away soon (which is why we aren’t dating) ...

And he likes me (or so he says).

Well, he finally admitted plane outright that he “likes me” and everything which made me smile inside lol, but he keeps reminding me that he doesn’t want to get emotionally involved too much because I’m moving to Swansea and “that is literally the only reason” why he wont date me, which is ok but ...

He said he likes being single, which does make me question it.

This is a little section from our conversation about it:
me:  i dont want to loose you even if i just have you as a friend :(
him: Kinda thought thats all it was ever gunna be?
him: I really liked you until i found out your moving 400 miles away

Then of course because I have like 0 self confidence, I cant help but wonder why he is with me or why he likes me (and please save me the whole “you shouldn’t feel this way, your amazing” speech because this isn’t what thats about lol) I just cant logically tell why he likes me.

And then like I’m ALWAYS the one to start the conversation and usually keep it running.

He doesn’t do emotions which sounds like a pretty sensible thing to me lol, which meant that he actually hung up on me the other day after I made such an effort to wait up and call him at like midnight, because he was feeling a little depressed and doesn’t like to talk to people when he’s like that.

And he did this earlier too, he didn’t want to talk to me on MSN because he wasn’t feeling brilliant, which made me feel like shit lol, because I just wanted to hang out and talk to him :L but he just blew me off. Although he came back online earlier and started talking to me.

But at the same time, I’m very aware that in may last post about him (here) was not very effective in presenting a balanced argument. Yes there was a lot that went wrong over those few days, but there was also a lot that went so right.

We spent hours in bed just hugging, and cuddling and kissing. When I am with him I don’t feel depressed or unhappy (granted I feel really bad in comparison to him when he’s not there, like I’ll have a vision of a fat topless me next to a stick thin topless him and I feel revolted but not when I;m with him lol). I cant help but smile when I’m around him and he just, he just brightens me day HAHAHA

Corny I know but its true lol

So this is my dilemma ... no matter how badly I want to be with him I cant, and no matter how badly he treats me, I want him.

I’m actually beginning to reconsider my offer at Swansea ... I mean, I haven’t even been to the fricking place and I’ve agreed to go there for three years! But I could go to a far more local one, have a short long-distance relationship with him (which suits me really well actually, because I hate feeling smothered lol), and we could be together.

It feels like how it did with Peter at the beginning, only we can touch and we have a real  shot at being together!

But that would also mean giving up on going away from home and all that.

I know most of you will say “go to Swansea! Its what you wanted before he turned up!” which is very true ... but things have changed and I want to have a chance to be with this amazing guy that thinks I’m great too lol. But I don’t know if its the right decision or not!


He just seems to be all over the place half the time and no matter how much I hate him shutting me out when he’s emotional, I love it when he’s not and we’re together, and all of his quirky little things haha.

I just don’t know what to do!

But I guess I shall just have to wait and see. He should be staying at mine for a few days in a week or two, and then I’m going to London with him for the day lol. Lets hope its not a replay of last time!

But I don’t have to make my mind up until the end of July (accommodation application) but then I have to decide once and for all...

Opinions people? And don’t just say “don’t do it” because its the most logical, think (or think back) to what it was like when you were with the one you love. Would you change your plans to be with them once more, or would you go forward with what you’ve got planned?!


[UPDATE: Joe pointed out that i am a boy, which doesnt quite make sense seems as i'm slagging them off lol, but its still applicable to me too :L xx]

Tuesday, 14 June 2011


I know i've been really bad with blogger and i PROMISE to do this damn post tomorow, i just got distracted with this new Website i've joined.

Its got some of my poetry on there and a few pictures at the moment (will be updating regularly lol) so feel free to drop by :)


Monday, 13 June 2011

Inside my mind

Just read this and it just reminds me of everything i have going though my mind half of the time, so enjoy ... or dont as the case may be

"......i can be a complete and utter bitch! i have a sharp tongue and im extremely fast at comebacks.....its not something im proud of but im glad i have it because it shows people im not somebody to be easily targeted for bullying i have had way to much experience being a victim in this world and ive become so emotionally strong that death itself doesent phase me 12 suicide attempts....3 deaths.....ive seen the other side so if your one of the people lucky enough to be reading this HUGE article on my life then know that i can be so extremely sensitive.....i can be so extremely frozen and UNBELIEVABLY heartless.....if i can take a razorblade to my own body to cause myself pain so i feel SOMETHING what makes you think i can be hurt? sometimes i sit alone in the darkness of my room and life is barely worth living, ive been so close to that line for so soooo long my family consistently argue and bicker over completely non important things....if i would unite my entire family....because despite ALL their argueing they srtill come to me for pat them on the back and let them know it will be okay because i can see both sides of a situation but i am cursed to use this blessing for myself =l....if i died.....they would all be together love and support eachother....i constantly want to cry but never a tear has fallen from my eyes in a long long time...i can be surrounded by a thousand people and still feel completely alone.....i hurt everybody in the end....i was designed to destroy peoples lives and one way or the other thats what i will do and i dont have a choice do i carry on? hope that things get better that i find who i want and get my ideal career? or give up.....end the pain....the suffering and lack of emotion....i know what one id prefer....and i forever sit on the fence about this.....but to which way will i fall? =l i need a record the daily put downs of my life....if your reading this let it be known that i dont care anymore hurt just blur into the background of my life"

Sunday, 12 June 2011

Words in Flight

Hey Everyone, this wasnt the post i was planning to do (that wil be tomorow, so look forward to it! haha) but i just wanted to a short post about two things on my mind at the moment.

Firstly ... ARIEL IS HOME!!!

She flew in from spain this afternoon and didnt get home until a few hours ago! We spent ages just talking and catching up about everything and it sounded like SO much fun! Cant wait to go with her next year! We shared all of our gossip and bitched about a couple of people, shared our theories on life and love, and jsut did everything that siblings usually dont do ... meaning that we were nice, friendly and loving to one another lol.

Urgh! I missed her so much lol.

Sorry, this just reminds me of my sister lol xx

And now onto my second topic ... language.

I actually decipher each comment and message i get, i cant help it lol, and i keep picking up on the language used but i decide against correcting it, for one main reason...

I know none of you mean what i interpret!

So i'll use the comment that actualy made me decide to write this:

"C'mon Jack it was just one fucked up night; actually Emo guy seems to like you. I am not a fan of drinking, it seems to cause more trouble than it is worth. Everything went downhill when the drinking started. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant and ruins sexual performance (and allows stupid 'suicidal' thoughts to get through); if you guys had been sober you would have done more than just sleep on his bed when you both got back.
-Be sure to get back to the Emo guy and talk to him. Maybe some time together in the great outdoors without booze will be different. You can be proud of yourself for taking a chance and going for it; you won't get love and sex sitting in your bedroom staring at the walls. If he doesn't work out, well there are plenty more opportunities waiting for you. Don't get down on yourself just talk to the guy cos maybe HE feels down over it too. bfn - Wayne (hugs) "

Now i will just repeat myself here, i know Wayne does not mean what i am about to pick up on. Its just the language used, and i am only using him as an example ... so sorry Wayne xx

Now, i'll take this piece by piece lol.

just one fucked up night: sorry, i tried to make this clear, it was not really the night that got me down, just an accumulation of things.

Emo guy seems to like you: he doesnt ... all will be explained soon.

Now onto the language lol

stupid 'suicidal' thoughts to get through: firstly there were not "stupid" but actually rather dangerous and very real to me (here)
and secondly, they did not just "get through", they are constantly there, just sometimes they effect me more than usual, or they are in greater numbers.

Don't get down on yourself: it is more than just being "down" it was depression at one of its lowest points.

I could go into a nice big and long rat, but i wont because well i'm tied and there is no point. I just wanted to make soe of you either more aware of the language you use and its potential effect on people, or to educate you if this is what you believe.

Sticks and Stones my break my bones, but words can always hurt me.

Awkward Hellos and more awkward goodbyes

Thanks everyone for all of your messages wishing me a good time and a safe journey. And in answer to both: I did :)

Ok, so before I get into this I just want to give a brief outline of mine and Emo Guy’s relationship...

Yes, we met online... something risky I know lol, but we are just friends. We started talking and hit it off immediately. He was hit, cute, friendly, open, kind, caring etc, and whats more he seemed to like me too. I knew I liked him more, but oh well.

So things progressed from MyYearBook to msn where we chatted more and more often, then to facebook where I was able to confirm his identity really (I mean, its almost impossible to fake that number of pictures lol) and then we started talking over the phone.

I mean, we must have spent at LEAST 4 hours a day talking for the last week!

So long story short, he invited me to meet him in his home town and hand out for a couple of days and we would go into London to a few gay clubs as I haven’t been to any before.

And before you give me all this grief about how it was irresponsible and stupid to meet up with a complete stranger, I don’t really care. It was in a public place, I trusted him and tbh worst case was that he wouldn’t show (or the online him wouldn’t show) and I would leave.

So this is where our tale begins ...

So I spent the day before baking cookies (that are omnomnomy) because he really has a thing for cookies and I have a bit of a thing for him, so I just wanted him to like me. Plus, I was staying at his house, so it was just a little something to make it easier for him I guess lol. And I wanted to try out the recipe lol.

So I got the train up to London and then got a bit lost on the way to where we were meeting. I got a train to Lewisham, which was where we were meeting, but it was the wrong station lol. Despite being told by EVERYONE that “there is only one station in Lewisham” which is complete bollocks.

So anyway, I then realise there is a station called “Catford Bridge” and I am supposed to meet him at “Catford”, so I think it is correct.

I was wrong.

But fortunately once I got there I walked about 200 yards to Catford Station and waited.

  • And waited,
  • And waited,
  • And waited,

It got to the point where I was VERY tempted to leave because I thought it was someone playing a practical joke on me. You know the one I’m thinking of, where you arrange to meet with someone, hide somewhere out of sight and laugh at them waiting for ages. So in the end I went to leave and turns out he was at the other Catford Station.

So we hugged and I was introduced to his friends. We went back to his house and I met his mum and brother which was nice :) and we jsut spent the rest of the day holding hands, talking, hugging, kissing, it was SO nice :)

So the next day was really nice too, he had to go for a few hours to help his mum with some stuff, so I was just left there with his brother. So we chatted and hung out and everything which was pretty cool. Slightly awkward and everything, but still nice :P

And once Emo Guy got home, then we just hung out for a little while and then started to get ready for that night. I couldn’t wait, a night out in London!

We looked to fetch lol (sorry, I watched Mean Girls earlier lol) and then his friend Simon came over and did his make-up.

And I will be honest, the idea of guys wearing make-up is a little strange to me. I mean, there is nothing wrong with it but It’s just something I’m not used to lol, but oh well, I let Simon put on some mascara on me lol. Why not :P

So yes, we started pre-drinking and everything and the fourth member arrived: Q. I got on extremely well with these two, they reminded me so much of my friends and the random crap we came up with was amazing lol ... just my sense of humour lol.

So we eventually got on the bus, and then another and another ... about 5 in total because Emo Guy and Simon needed the loo a lot. They were quite drunk at this point, but oh well ... its all just an experience lol.

We eventually made it into central London and after countless times asking complete strangers where Heaven Night cub was, we eventually made it there.

Bu oh wait a moment, Simon was too drunk to get in. First the bouncer said we had to wait for half an hour and she could get in. She waited 5 mins and got some water and then walked back over. Then they said the owner had seen her and said she couldn’t come in AT ALL!

So I had to pay the £8 entrance fee to get Emo and Q (they went in earlier while I waited outside) and couldn’t find them anywhere. Good club tho ... for all of the 5 mins I was in there. I left and they were outside. Simon crying saying how she had ruined the night and she would just go home so we could go in the club, Emo dragging her away to a different club he wanted to get into and me and Q just following along.

We made it to G.A.Y. and finally found the right entrance and met some nice Lesbians in the queue. Me and Emo got in the club fine, but the Simon said that the Lesbians’ were with us. “group of 7”. But apparently 7 is too high a number for the club (although wouldn’t have been separately ... interesting logic there).

So at this point, me and Q just wanted to leave. Call the time of death. But no, the Lesbians knew another club so we went there. IT was only round the corner so oh well. And it was nice in there, but when Simon and Emo got asked to move off of that particular part of the dance floor, they took it the wrong way and thought they had been asked to leave. So they walked off without me and Q.

We eventually caught up with them and then Simon stormed off. Then Emo. Then Simon. Then Emo.
Then repeat.

Then we decided to go home so we walked around in a massive circle trying to find the right bus stop, and then I just started crying. The night had taken its toll on me and I just wept. I kept walking and to be honest, no one noticed so I didn’t care. Then Q sais she was going to go home and she got the bus with her Brother and then Emo stormed off and me and Simon lost him.

And I don’t know what caused it, but I just completely broke down.

I just slumped down and cried my heart out. Not over the shit night. Not over the devastation that is my love life. Not over the alchol’s influence. No, it was over life itself.

I have never had one of these before, but I can only describe it as being a suicide attack.

It was kind of like a panic attack, where I was just too afraid to move. I was scared that I would do something dangerous to myself, and being next to a busy road, in the rain next to a bridge is a very dangerous place to be when in that kind of mindset.

So somehow Simon managed to call Emo and wee got a free tandem (?) ride ... you know, those bycicle cart things .... to where he was and we were on our way. But I was still freaking out.

You know that saying “men think of sex every seven seconds” and you know that no matter how much you deny it or try your best to disprove it, but its always true? That was me. Only “sex” was actually suicide. Every 7 or so seconds I would have suicidal thoughts or tendencies and I could either give in and simply die or power though and fight it.

I did the latter, this time.

I was just stood there for ages crying my heart out fearful for my life, that I would do something stupid. Eventually they got me walking and I was just gripping onto Emo’s hand constantly. He thought I was upset about the night and that I was cold.

Inside I was dead. You cant get much colder than that.

So eventually Simon broke off and made her way home and Emo led me home safely. WE got in and conked out on his bed almost instantly. Well, I had enough time to explain why I acted how I did, which he took quite well. Apparently it broke his heart to see my cry. Whatever.

We awoke in the morning, got changed. Him for work, me for leaving. I signed his all (long story) and I left my hat there by accident. We kissed goodbye and we separated. Now I’m just writing this feeling terrible, because I really like him and not only can it not work but I just feel so ... so ... used. I feel like something he’s had this whole experience with and cast me aside like I was nothing more than a rag doll. IDK, I’m just so up and down about him I hate it ...

Thursday, 9 June 2011

I'll Be Back!

Going to stay with Emo Guy for the rest of the week, so I wont be in contact with the Blogworld for a few days ...

wish me luck haha.

Sorry for all of the short posts, i'll do a bigger post on sat/sun ... or several lol xx

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

First and Last ...

Just got off the phone with Emo Guy, and i just had to blog haha. The last thing he said to me was:

"I like it that yours is the last voice I hear when I go to sleep and the first thing I think of when I wake"

Monday, 6 June 2011

My First Time ...

Yes, this post is pretty self explanatory ... I am going to tell you all about my first time and what set things into motion.

The short answer to this is you guys: you kept bugging my and Peter to have ‘fun’ and to explore the market, so to speak.

And I have.

As I said in my post a little while ago (here) I joined a website to meet new people ... completely INNOCENT people lol. Which means, despite all of the sex on there, I am not on it for the sex lol. And there is a LOT! haha.

But anyway, so after wading through the masses of people who are after one thing (not to say there were loads after me, just loads on the site), I met a few people who are genuinely nice. There seems to be four catagoires...
  • After sex, plain and simple.
  • After sex, but want to know who they are fooling around with.
  • After quick friendship
  • After friendship and flirtatiousness

And I’ve met some from each category lol. But this post is about the third and fourth really. So as I was saying, I got a few messages from some friendly people who I get on really well with, bt after a day or two they ignore you ... whatever!

But I met one guy who is really nice, really cute, really funny etc. We got talking and we just kept talking. Like, he lives in California, he’s gay, he’s really interested in History ... and he’s travelling this summer.

Now careful Jack ... just remember how it ended with Peter?!

Oh, and he’s in England in a month! So not quite the same. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’d happily date him ... if it wernt for the distance. Been there, done that, got the Tshirt.

But anyway, we got talking and turns out he’s going to be in England soon and he asked me out on a date!



Haha, you didn’t think this post was going to be about a one night stand with a complete stranger who isn’t even going to be in the country for a whole week?!

Well ...

So anyway, he asked me out. And at first I was like “aww yay, but its not going to happen” cos I mean, come on one of us would forget or just not be interested. But he keeps reminding me about it and I actually cant wait.

The only bad thing is he asked if he could stay with me for a few days while he’s over. Well, firstly my dad would not be happy with a stranger I’ve known for a month staying in our house, and well, neither would I to be honest. So I said no, and I’m a little worried he was only asking me out for a place to stay ... but only time will tell...
Oh, did I mention he was hot?!

But thats not the end of this little tale ...

The joys of the internet ... its always throwing you a curve ball!

When this happened, I also met another guy. It started off kind of quiet and then we just hit it off. We exchanged numbers and email addresses, and have talked daily so far.

He lives in the same country as me, the same section of the country and close enough to visit! Which is just what I wanted really. He’s such a great guy! Like, pretty perfect lol.

You have a crush on him!

Yes I know! Haha. And he does too. We were talking and we have SO much in common its kind of scary. Like so far the only real differences is that he doesn’t eat anything from the sea and I don’t eat Kebabs. Thats like it!

I cant stop thinking about him, like when can we meet and where and what would I say etc. I know haha :L I just look forward to talking to him lol.

He makes me smile :)

I was really (and still am) tempted to invite him to join me to visit my family at the beach in a months time ... as a friend and to hang out more! Lol, but I know that’d probably scare him away as we haven’t even met yet ... so I’m waiting to see how well we do get on lol.

I’m also hoping to go clubbing with him to a few gay bars in London soon lol, which will be really fun ... first time for a lot of things then :) ... INOCENT THINGS! Lol

And he is SO cute and awesome and hot and friendly and everything! And he admitted he likes me ... well kinda. He called me perfect and said he wanted to meet me but didn’t.

Well, this might explain it better:

Emo Guy says:
i really wanna meet you
but ima have to say no
Jack says:
me too
but no to meeting me?
Emo Guy says:
its hard to understand
i love being single
Jack says:
its ok
Emo Guy says:
but your so like me
if i liked u n u moved to swansea
Jack says:
and haha its hardly a date lol
Emo Guy says:
id be like EUGH

So basically, he’s too afraid to like me and everything and have me move away ... which sucks!

But oh well, either way he’s a great guy and I’m happy to have him as a friend. Just have to meet him now ...

Wednesday, 1 June 2011


Yes ... I was caught red handed ... well, not red handed lol. Lets just say ...

I was caught!

So earlier on the house phone rang and it was my sister Ariel, and since she’s been away in Benedorm for the last month, I havn’t spoken to her AT ALL!! So it wsa a nice surprise to finally hear her voice. Of course she thought I was dad and asked her to call her back ... which I did haha.

So while I tamed my rose ... no not a euphemism, my rose bush kind of collapsed in on itself so I was restructuring it ... while dad talked to her. Then she asked to pass the phone over, which made me smile :)

We had a little chat and everything. We told each other about how we have been and what we have been up to. We made plans to go out drinking when she gets back ... which will be about the 11th!!! SO CANT WAIT!!!

Then she passed the phone over to my other sister, Ursula. We had a little chat about the same things. I told her about Uni, she told me about what happened when my mum went over to visit ... and why they are now not talking lol. Long story ...

So she then passed the phone over to Ariel again and she told me something that did make me giggle and cringe at the same time haha.

She asked about my love life and all that, which there isn’t much to report ... other than one thing lol (BE PATIENT!!!) and she asked about one guy in particular.


My Jake lol. Apparently my dad caught him and me cuddling ... which is not how it seems haha. We go to a nightclub once a month (its kind of a tradition now lol) and he crashes at mine that night to save him having to walk home alone and drunk.

And as I have said before, he have a very um, liberal (?) relationship, meaning that we have a Bromance. You know, where you have the same kinda things (like cuddling) that you do in a romance, only its not sexual and stuff.

And I do have to laugh at being caught, because yes we do cuddle when we’re alone. Its just something we do haha, its nice and comforting lol. Innocent. But I just think about what my dad would have saw haha,

Probably something like this ...

When it would have been this really ...

But oh well :P He’s staying again this Friday ... who knows what Dad’ll see this time :L