Deviancy!

Hey, feel free to pop over to http://creativewriter92.deviantart.com/ where I have a lot more content. Photographs, drawings, poems. Hope you enjoy xx



Tuesday, 22 February 2011

100th Birthday

Yes its true. It is my 100th Birthday.

No, not age! It's my 100th post, and so I wanted to thank all of my kind followers. I have changed so much over the past few months and you have all been there with me, as the journey unfolds. So i wanted you all to get to know me a bit better.

Its tradition here that you get a Birthay Card from the
Queen on your 100th Birthday :P

I promised myself that if I got to my 100th post, that i would do this, so here goes

...

  1. My name is Jack. Yes, really.
  2. I have brown eyes.
  3. I have dark brown hair that grown ridiculously quickly.
  4. My favourite colour is dark blue.
  5. I live in England, near to London. That’s all you get, unknown people :P
  6. I constantly use slang like "lol" way too much, but I think it shows how I want the info to be interoperated.
  7. I have many pet peeves, but I hate, hate, HATE it when people walk too slow in front of you.  I think they do it on purpose ¬¬
  8. I am annoyingly indecisive.
  9. I don’t have a favourite food, music, place ect.
  10. I do not have a middle name
  11. I have adopted the name ‘Tyler’ for a middle name, because Peter gave it to me.
  12. I have a cat called Mischief, who I love to pieces.
  13. I have to do things evenly, such as the TV Volume or even when I eat things.
  14. My clothes have to match colour.
  15. I have had 37 ex-girlfriends. Yes, 37.
  16. I was an incredibly frigid child.
  17. I broke my arm when I was 4.
  18. I fell of a slide, causing number 8.
  19. I LOVE the “mummy” and all other associative programmes/films.
  20. I am more about personality than looks, although I am kinda shallow. I mean, I have to be attracted to the person for it to work!
  21. When I first meet someone, I usually look at their eyes or hair first.  
  22. I don’t have a ‘type’ but I prefer ‘normal’ guys. (not all bones or all muscle ect).
  23. I'm a virgin for both guys and girls.
  24. I would have (had) sex with a girl if the opportunity presented itself.
  25. If I think someone is good looking, I usually fiddle with my hair a lot.
  26. I am a procrastinator, if there is an excuse not to do something, I will find it. I’m like a human sniffer dog.
  27. I used to be really picky with food.
  28. I used to ONLY eat Jam sandwiches.
  29. I then moved onto Ham Sandwiches.
  30. Then Spam. Told you I was picky.
  31. When I’m alone I sometimes talk to myself.
  32. I think being weird is cool, quirky and cute.
  33. I am a love-drunk. (ie. I say I love you” a million times)
  34. I have a nasty habbit of using technology while being drunk. Not good :/
  35. I went through a period where I smoked cigarettes for a while. Not proud of it but I quit, when my sisters boyfriend caught me. He didn’t tell.
  36. I have never smoked marijuana, although I would like to try it once.
  37. I have an addictive personality. Like, I check facebook and blogger religiously.
  38. I had braces for 4 years.
  39. They said I’d have them for 2 ¬¬
  40. I used to LOVE Simpsons. I still do, but not as much.
  41. I have every series of it on DVD.
  42. I have over 300 of their comics, including the first 10 ever. Told you ... addictive.
  43. I have 2 older sisters, but countless younger cousins.
  44. I HATE the thought of people laughing at me.   
  45. J'ai parler un peu francais.
  46. I also know a lot of Russian Insults. (My ex taught me).
  47. I am a big grammar and punctuation freak (or as Peter would say ... Dork).
  48. I found it very difficult to spell as a child. I could spell difficult, but probably not very.
  49. I constantly loose at games with my friends. Especially Monopoly and Super Mario Party 8.  
  50. I used to do Hurdles in school and was quite good at them.
  51. I LOVE Shakespeare to pieces. I even researched his mysterious ‘dedication’.
  52. I love the smell of new books.
  53. I hate the sound it makes when people play with styrofoam.
  54. I LOVE the cold. I even leave my window open at night.
  55. I have had trouble sleeping since I was a child, but no one in my family believes me that I used to pretend to sleep.
  56. For some people the highlight in the morning is urinating. For me it is a cold glass of orange juice.
  57. My and my great nan do crossword puzzles when we’re together in the evening.
  58. I come from a long line of gardening experts. My dad and great nan can both name the latin names of plants they see.
  59. My dad used to be a tree surgeon.
  60. My mum, her dad AND her mum were all psychiatric nurses.
  61. I multitask constantly. Right now I have the TV, a computer game, MSN, Blogger, Facebook and Google open.
  62. I was taught to never give up as a child.
  63. I used to bite my nails really badly, but I’ve almost completely stopped.
  64. I used to suck my thumb as a child.
  65. My mum tried to get me to stop by putting this blue stuff, that tasted disgusting, on it. I didn’t give up (number 62) and powered through for years.
  66. My mum taught me how to play chess at a VERY young age. She refused to play by the time I was 10.
  67. I am a clutter freak. I hoard everything.
  68. I had my first kiss very young. About age 4.
  69. I usually promise myself I will do my homework the night I get it set, but leave it until the night before.
  70. I hate politics. It confuses me.
  71. I am in college at the moment (not litterally) and study 4 courses.
  72. I study Media, English Literature, Sociology and Maths.
  73. I'm not religious.
  74. I LOVE to read, but hate some ‘classics’. I gave up reading the Hobbit.
  75. It took me 6 months to read Watership Down.
  76.  I am a nice person. People usually take this the wrong way.
  77. If I’m nice to a girl, they usually end up liking me. Don’t mean to sound big-headed, but its usually true.
  78. If I’m nice about a girl to someone else, they think I like them.
  79. Media and Sociology have ruined my life. Not really, but they have changed how I view the world.
  80. I can’t not analyse a Media product. E.g. if I a listening to a song I will be thinking about what music video I would make ect.
  81. If I think about people as a whole, I will apply sociological theories.
  82. I am a terrible person to watch films with as I tear it to pieces: I point out the flaws, continuity errors or just make fun of it.
  83. I really like horror films but an kind of squeamish.
  84. I used to feint a lot (will explain in a later post).
  85. I used to sneak into the cemetery as a child. What?! If they said I couldn’t do something, I had to!
  86. I have grown up around death.
  87. I have a shirt I only wear at funerals.
  88. I found our missing cat Lucky in our Play House. He froze to death.
  89. I am REALLY forgetful. I’m lucky if I can even remember 5 minutes ago ... I actually can’t remember what I put for number 1.
  90. I live in a 3 bedroom house. Mine is the smallest.
  91. I have only ever made ONE mix-tape/CD.
  92. I am a romantic. I used to tell my dad what he should do on Valentine’s Day. Haha.
  93. I have wanted to join almost every career to man.
  94. I am an aspiring novelist since I was about 7.
  95. I suffer from REALLY bad eczema.
  96. I have wide feet.
  97. I only wear Converse All Star shows. I don’t know why, just like them.
  98. I absolutely L.O.V.E. Ancient Egypt. I taught myself how to write hieroglyphics at a young age, but have never been to Egypt.
  99. I have a university interview on Wed. I’m worried haha.
  100. And um ... 100 ... um ... I say “um” WAY too much, haha. At least 3 times in a sentence.

...

So that’s me in a nutshell. If you made it through all 100, WOW, you deserve a medal. But there will be a few changes as of my next post.

Should I keep them a surprise?

I’ll go with majority vote. But I won’t blame any of you kind and devout followers if you choose to leave me.

~ I wish you all he best, Jack xx

...

[UPDATE:] My interview went really well. It took us 2 and a half hours to get there, but it was a fun journey. Ariel and I made a little game up where we saw how many cars waved back at us. We got 2. We even went into a proper traditional bookstore, with books from like the 1700’s. And they were hard-back! (fact 101. I have a thing for hard back books lol). So the interview was a group one where we just had to create a short video, consisting of 6 still images and a voiceover, where we had to make the audience think. All the feedback I got was great haha. Thanks for the support everyone! Got another interview on wed so fingers crossed lol xx

Monday, 21 February 2011

Hello

Sorry for all of the confusion fellow bloggers, I didn’t mean to worry any of you (if you in fact did worry haha) but I was going through some things. I was going to post this as a comment to Peter's Blog Post, but there was too much to put, so I thought I should put it in my own post: so other bloggers could see why I came back.

So I’ll start from the beginning... (and if your impatient, you can just skip to the end haha)

Peter had sex. Well not 4th base, but it wasn’t entirely innocent lol. So he met this guy and they got talking and he invited Peter over at 1am to watch a film. I will be honest, that I suspected something may happen, but I love Peter and I trust him and I knew that if something were to happen then it would just be sex. So I didn’t say anything.

So Peter rushed off to go and meet him, I was a little upset because he didn’t do the usual “love you” – or rather “lve you” – but I am sad like that so tried to ignore it. So we talked the next day and he told me what happened.

He didn’t cheat like Peter said, and many of you devout bloggers know, but a part of it felt like he did cheat to me. We agreed that having sex with others is fine, but no love-making: no emotions if possible. And I am ok with this, I love him and if I cant be physically with him then he can get this from others. So when I heard what they did together I didn’t mind.

Honestly.

What hurt me was that they hugged and kissed and cuddled. It didn’t strike me as sex, it was far closer to making-love. So I was a little hurt and upset, but we got over this and it got us talking. We moved on. I know this sounds harsh or mean on my side, but I don't mean it that way. It's just one of my silly hang-ups that I'm over now x


So I told peter how I was worried that I would come to resent him – as in ALL my relationships I stay until the bitter end ... literally ... but that I didn’t want this to happen but nor did I want to break up. I love him. To which his response was:
“Ok, lets do this. You’re no longer my bf”.

Which cut. It cut deep and I shortly retired from MSN to cry for several hours. But we later talked it through and turns out he didn’t meant to break up with me, he meant that he didn’t want to hurt me or for me to resent him: so we was caught between a rock and a hard place.

Should he end it here and save me possibly resenting him, to become friends?
Or should he stay with the one he loves?

He picked the latter. Fortunately. So we’ve talked it through and so yes, I will be returning as the reason I left blogger is because I couldn’t stand to be on the thing that brought us together. It’s not to say that Peter and I won’t have our own ups and downs, but until then we’re fine and happy. I have a lot more news but I think I’ll me mean and ration it all out. I’ve got big plans for the future ...

Jack xx


(I know how much you love Pocahontas baby xx)

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Goodbye

I think i'm going to leave Blogger for a little bit, i'll be back one day, but its too much atm. Sorry to all of my kind followers who have been there through the thick and thin. You mean the world to me and you'll each have a special place in my heart. And i'm esspecially sorry to all my new followes: not the best way to start off.

I'll be back when my head clears and i feel happy again.

Until then, enjoy some apt drawings i did.

Ttyl, Jack






(The first song Peter posted once we started dating)

...

Friday, 18 February 2011

URGH! WHY CANT I DO ANYTHING FUCKING RIGHT!?!?! :'(

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Ursula

So I’ve told you guys about Ariel and I’ve mentioned Ursula (here), but I haven’t explained my relationship with my other sister.

She is four years older than me and he acts like she is 4 years old. We used to fight over the TV remote and silly thing like that when I was like 12, but the scary thing? She was 16. We’ve never had a great relationship.

Growing up with someone who insults you at every chance they get isn’t fun. Or when they lie. Or steal. Or hit. Etc.

I remember once she stole £180 off me because she spent her wages. Another time she stole my phone and when I confronted her, she said she didn’t have it ... for me to follow her up the stairs leaning into my room putting it back ... TO CONTINUE TO SAY SHE HADN’T TOUCHED IT, WHILE HOLDING IT!

I’ve always told myself if she got arrested, I’d leave her there to rot.

She just has a destructive personality. I mean, she does NOTHING around the house chore-wise and she’ll go missing for days on end, just to turn up and be a bitch to everyone.

Here’s an example of an average conversation we’ll have.

6pm: She comes home
7.45: she asks Ariel for a lift to work (to start at 8)
                She moans, complains and whines when Ariel says no.
                She goes back upstairs to finish getting ready.
7.55: she asks again for a lift, in a stress this time. The answer is a no.
                She storm upstairs.
                She roots around in dad’s bedroom for change.
8.00: she pleads for a lift, and blames Ariel for being late.
                After a no, she’ll go back upstairs yelling about how she’ll lose her job.
8.15: bitching she asks one last time, defeated so it’s more of a “so you’re not going to give me a lift?!”
8.20: she storm out of the house bitching.
8.30: me or Ariel will get a text demanding for us to leave her a key.
                We say no, and she bitches about how she’ll sleep on the curb. She won’t. Either we’ll leave a key or she’ll bang on the door until someone answers.

Then she got in a mood because my family arranged to have a drink on Thursday and she cant make it. But actually we decided to have a meal and go out next weekend BECAUSE she cant make it.

And then there is the whole ‘stop trying to act like your my mum’ dilemma, where – we all but mainly – Ariel has to constantly tell her to clean up after herself and she gets in a stress because we have to ask her to do something! GRR!

She can just be so selfish and self centred sometimes. But I cba anymore. I’ve put up with her for 18 years and I’ve usually kept my mouth shut and been quiet. But not anymore.

I’ll either yell at her, walk away or tell her to shut the fuck up ... depending on how I feel.

I mean I love her, she’s my sister, but I don’t like her one bit.

Me and Arial had a bit of a giggle the other day about what we’d do if she needed bail money. She said she’d leave her there, but I cant do that so someone. I think, honestly, that I’d pay the bail but tell them to leave her in there for a day or two and let her sweat.

Am I a bad person? Lol
~ Jack  

Monday, 14 February 2011

Happy Anti-Valenties Day!

Ok, so my second most in a very short space of time, but i wasn't really feeling the Valentines Day vibe today. When your unable to touch and hold the one you love, the day where this is expected kind of makes you a little down.

Me and Peter did have a little date (although the proper one is coming up, hopefully tomorow) but after that me and my sister had our own Anti-Valentines Day.

For those of you who are not accustom to the Anti-Valentines, it is basically the opposite of what the day SHOULD be.

For example, me and my sister Ariel were planing on renting out Saw 6 and Saw 7 to watch tonight.  But unfortunatelly Saw 7 isn't out until the 7th of March, so we'll get it out then. Instead we ended up watching "I Love Hate Valentines Day" ... an apt name we thought.

No i'm not against the Day itself, or what it stands for, i just dont like the fact that my boyfriend is 4757 miles away (Yes ... i looked it up!).

I've kinda been in a bad mood all day. Like my friend got a little teady bear as a present from her bf, and kept rubbing it in people faces. Yes it was cute and soft and adorable, but today. Ohhhh, today! several of my friends agreed that if it was within arms distance it would very soon be an adorably soft teady bear who mysteriously is missing a head ¬ ¬

Part of me Hates Valentines Day, but part of me Loves it ...







~ Jack xx

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day Everyone (Especially Peter). I was going to do a post about my first love, but i want to save this post for my current love...

This is for you Baby xxx

...

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

               If this be error and upon me proved,

               I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

(sorry, i was going to write my own but i forgot half of it haha)

...

I have litterally had this saved since me and Peter started Dating and i wanted to save this for a special occasion. Someday baby, we will dance x


I don't know how to express this love ...


I hope your not just a figment of my imagination. If i'm falling i don't want to hit the ground ...


Because you are my love ...


And i am yours, and you belong where you are ...


Sorry for the medley of songs and videos, but i didn't know how to express myself ... so i hope they can.

I love all of you who have been there to help me.

I love all of you out there who don't feel loved or appreciated.

I love YOU baby!



~ Jack xx

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Out with the Old and In with the New Part 3

So I finished tidying my room today, and it is CLEAN!!!

I mean, I’m not a messy person, but when you get to bed about 1am and get up at 6.30 you have to sleep as much as possible. Which leaves little time for doing those menial things like hang your clothes up. Besides, my room is so small when there is one thing on the floor, its ‘messy’, so I just leave it. And over time it piles up.

So I had a nice big spring clean. And after 3 days its finally tidy. Right now I can see my iPod and my mum’s CD Labeller as they are temporarily out. The rest has been filed away under ‘Junk’ in the filing cabinet that is my room.
...
From last time:
I even remember the game we played, over and over and over again. Its become so embedded into my mind that its the foundation for three of my novels. But that’s a story for another time
...
Well that time is now.

Its sounds corny and will make little sense to you ‘outsiders’ but it was my favourite game to play (still kinda is in a way) but after years of playing it its gotten quite detailed. Lets start with the basics.

I was originally a Pegasus Unicorn who could talk (why? To be explained in a later post) and eventually just turned into an elf. Matt was originally a pixie and then turned into an elf too. Both of these transformations were about the time we started painting Warhammer and became obsessed about elves.

So the basic story is that we are brothers who were princes to a fairytale kingdom. Complete stereotype I know. So we were brothers and ruled over this land fairly and evenly, defeating the enemies together. Each day was a different adventure, but I remember two additions to this story in particular.

Usually when we went swimming we played the exact same version, guaranteed. We were caught in a storm (the tidal wave section of the pool we have) and were swimming around the ocean being attacked by monsters, caught in rapids (as coincidentally there were rapids there) and washed up on land. This went on for the several hours we would be swimming for.

But this soon ended and I actually miss playing this titanic-inspired game whenever I swim.

The other times was around his dad’s house. He took me to a huge field nearby and I remember it like it was yesterday.

We were brotherly elves, as usual, only this time there was an evil sorcerer who was trying to take the kingdom! We fought our way to him, against the invisible fiends, no help was coming so we were alone. And along the way we discovered that there was an ancient stone that we needed to defeat him, hidden in a tree somewhere.

Then, all of a sudden, he cast a spell on my brother and he turned against me. A vicious battle ensued where we fought one another for what seemed like hours. I won and neither of us died. It ended in a cataclysmic battle for the stone hidden in a tree stump: that we later made our base.

Me and Matt were highly imaginative children. Once we got really into this game – I forget what its called – where you collected dragon figurines, castle pieces and army men to build your own kingdom and army to be attacked by dragons. There were about 6 or so sets to collect. I got three and he got three and we shared them.

Oh the fun we had.

Once we went around his nans house. We took over her house. We had about 3 castles dotted around her house, combining all of the sets we collected – much like Lego – and were attacked by dragons and then each other and then this mysterious fiend who keeps popping up.

Little was I to know that we were not in danger from this fiend, but other, more real ones, who would later become my ‘friends’.

...


The day eventually came where Me and Matt were drawn apart. Unlike what you hear in stories and tales, it happened overnight. I was ill one day I think, and when I was in school the next day, Matt had made some new friends.

I was ok with this, I didn’t mind sharing my one friend.
I was a kind of lonely kid :/
But these new friends wanted to do other things. Things I wasn’t into. Like football. I didn’t see the point in kicking a ball around for 20 mins. There was absolutely no achievement from that! So I spent the next week or so wondering around the playground trying to make new friends and playing on the jungle-gym.

It wasn’t fun.

So eventually I relented and played football. It was no way near as amazing as people made it out to be, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I made some new friends and had some fun. We formed a little group of five. One of which I’m good friends with now (I sit next to him in Media) and one I still pine for.

So over the years we tried different things, Warhammer, football, ect.

But the day came when we moves to secondary school. We were only 11 at the time and different schools, and living ‘so far away’ as we did it was a real strain on our relationship. We tried out very best.

We called each other once a week on a Saturday for hours upon hours. WE talked about our week. Our home life. Our hopes and dreams. We even did our French homework together! But as time moved on, we grew further apart and the phone calls stopped.

He now goes to my college and I hardly ever speak to him. I found out last year he moved across the road from me. He is literally one street over and never told me. I used to unknowingly stare at his house while waiting for the buss.

When I found out I tried to get our friendship going again: inviting him over, hosting parties so that we could hang out, becoming friends with his, ect. But 6 years is just too long and now I’m at my whit’s end.

I miss my bff like none other – I’m sorry baby but its true, just like you and Jake – but I don’t think I’ll ever have him back. Its just a pain I’ll have to live with, like many more

...

Sorry for the long segment, but I didn’t want to rush this. He was is my best friend FOREVER and I’ll always love him. Its the least he deserves.

Jack xx

P.S. Hello to my 3 new followers :)

P.P.S. Peter's been having some bad dreams lately :( so try to cheer up babe because ...

Friday, 11 February 2011

Out with the Old and In with the New Part 2

WEJP B SFQU NFT, XN RTHAEUAEF XN FKA CKV FKJN.

So here is a little riddle for yall. Peter sent this to me WAY back when we first started dating and I’m STILL unable to decipher it. Can you? Lol.

So continuing on my theme of “out with the old and in with the new”: my dad and sister continued to paint the house and finished while I stayed home. I was too ill and the such. But I got in the redecorating spring cleaning mood and completely tidied my floor.


I know what yall are thinking.

But despite being such a small room, my floor is constantly messy and I hate it. But its just practicality. So I sorted it all out and found a place for it.

But back to my tale


...
He was my only friend, my companion, my first love, you could say, and although I will always have these memories to carry with me in my heart, they can never replace the real thing.

.....................................................................................

But you see, our friendship wasn’t just confined to the classroom: no. It was free and everywhere.

When we weren’t swimming or at school we were around each others’ houses. Once a week, every Saturday, he would be around mine, or I would be around his. Every weekend, guaranteed. I still remember the annoying buzzing of the fan he had in his room that kept me up half the night. I remember painting Warhammer with him and coordinating battle strategies for games we’d never play. I remember playing pranks on his sister.

He only lived about 15 mins away from my house, but as a child, that was forever. And I had never walked there before, so I daren’t try it. But our mum’s were good friends by this point and were accepting of this lifestyle. It often resulted in, “hi Mum Jack/Matt’s here, is it ok to stay tonight?” “ok, have fun”. Ahh, the gold old days.



One weekend he took me to his dad’s for the weekend and I had so much fun. We stayed up all night talking and doing everything a 9 year old kid should! We watched Legged Freaks (a film I still love to this day, although I was too scared to sleep at the time) and drawing our favourite Pok√©mon and playing battle strategy games together. We played tether-pole for hours and watched TV on his dad’s flat screen.


Now this particular weekend was also Halloween, and boy did we get up to a lot! As tradition dictated, we had to get dressed up and go trick-or-treating. I went as my usual: Dracula. But this time I wanted to impress the strangers on the mystery lane. I even got a can of spray-on hair dye, so that my pale face would look realistic with black hair. But little did I know that I’m allergic to this ridiculous thing and came up in a rash where I sprayed it lol. Oh well, all in a day’s work.

I even remember the game we played, over and over and over again. Its become so embedded into my mind that its the foundation for three of my novels. But that’s a story for another time ...

Jack xx

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Come What May



I love you baby xxx

Out with the Old and In with the New Part 1


So my dad and sister finished work early for this week, so they decided to have a bit of a spring clean. But it isn’t what you think. No, they weren’t tidying, no they weren’t cleaning, no they weren’t even refurbishing! They were painting.

Logical, since they are both painter and decorators.

So since they were home I got a lift into college, which was good as I felt like shit today. I actually thought I may have passed out in English class. And then in Media Studies And I lost my voice in Sociology.

But this isn’t what I want to talk about. It just seems like this is the time that everything gets renewed. Something happened the other day that just reminded me of the past. Of something that was SUCH a happy memory it will forever hurt me.

My best friend former best friend.

Matt and Me ... I couldn't smile then and I can't smile now :/


I met him on the first day of school and we were inseparable for 6 years. I mean, INSEPARABLE.

We looked like twins to the extent that our teachers used to get us confused, not helped by the fact that we had to wear uniforms lol. But I loved him, more than a friend, more than a brother, he was my world. We went swimming together every Wednesday which was great fun and we used to ave great fun together, and before I got self conscious of my body we went every week, without fail. Then there was school and we sat next to each other every lesson all day. I remember once in art we ‘fought’ over the paint and he spilled it all over me!

So many memories...

Like the time we played football in the classroom and he fell over and hit his head on the table. He cut his head open and needed it to be glued together. I was the one to faint.

He was my only friend, my companion, my first love, you could say, and although I will always have these memories to carry with me in my heart, they can never replace the real thing.

Grr, how I hate Spring Cleaning. All it does is stir up old dust that best be left alone.
Jack xx






P.S. I love you baby, I hope you dont just fade to memories too xx

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

My Tue Night ...

So as of now on, me and my friend Jake help out at a youth group and then share a bottle of cheap cider caled White Star. It makes me feal soo cheap, but at £1.60 for a liter (my half when shared with Jake) we have a good time.

Tonight wasn't too bad. I managed to get a lift home so i could talk to Peter, who was sleeping so i had to wait. But we had a nice chat and i think we sorted everything out. It was mainly me being paranoid and emotional about feeling replaced by his Jake.

So at the youth club i had a good time, where i set up the Wii, checked them in and was in charge of the money ect. WE made valentines day cards that made me both happy and sad.

When making then i had a blast, showing the kids how to do it and helping out ect, but it wasnt until later on that i remeembered ...


Last time i made this card, at this youth club, it wass for my nan. I never gave it to her.

I made it when i was 14 years old and yes it was a valentines day card, but she was like a mother to me better than a mother, she loved e and i never argued with her. I loved her to pieces, so it was only natural that i should express my love on a day dedicated to showing this love.

It was beautiful, it waws cream with red flowers, a beatuifully inscribed message ect and i stuffed the envilope fill of heart confetti for her, but when i got home i forgot about it. I found it about a year or two ago. She died before i had a chance to give it to her.

Its one of the many things that haunt me to this day. Like the time i unexpectidly brought my friend to play arround her house, when i should have been keeping her company. The time that i insisted we get talke-out after she spent hours cooking. All the times i took for granted and didnt say 'i love you'. I wish i could just show her how i love her, one last time!

So here i am, jogging home (yes, i jog!) and it strikes me just how much i miss her, and so now i'm in a bad and sad mood :(

But before that, me and jake had a great convo while we shared our 2litre bottle of cheap cider lol: its our new tuesday tradition lol. I had a good time and we talked about almost everything, including most of last weeks conversation that he repeated lol. So it was a strange night lol.

And baby, i love you and there is no Harm done! Even if i'll be on your back for the next month about spelling, grammar and punctuation x


~ Jack xx

Monday, 7 February 2011

Last Few Days ...





Thursday, 3 February 2011

My Cleaner Friend

I think I’m being stalked. By the cleaner. I’m not joking. Well actually, he probably thinks its the other way around.

As I’ve been staying late at college for like the last month, I’ve been seeing a lot of the cleaner.

No, not his anatomy.

He is quite nice and friendly, a little weird, but he is nice so I like him. I mean, it all began a long long time ago ...

I’ve seen him around before and usually I made an excuse to leave the room while he hovered, because he HAS to start with the back room. Then one day I decided ‘fuck it’ I’ll stay.

But being the overtly nice person I am, I felt too awkward to just sit there, so I shuffled around and helped him move a chair or two. Usually I would tidy the room next door as I’m waiting for my video to render. So I was now helping him to clean ...

Then today I had to film myself for my interview DVD for Uni, and he wanted to Hoover, but said he would leave it as I wanted to film. Aww, strangers are so nice. So I did my filming and he came in when I was tidying up and packing away the equipment, to ask what I was doing. So I responded and it went on from there.

We made small talk and big talk, I pitched him my film idea ect and I had fun, although it caught me by surprise so it was a tad awkward. So in the end we went our separate ways lol. But you know the strange thing? ...
I still don’t know his name ... something I’ve been curious about since the start, because it frustrates me when you see someone regularly and don’t know it. Like bus drivers, you hear the older people say “thank you driver” and I think “OMG! Driver?!” but then I think, yeah, that’s correct :/

So if your reading this, hello Mr Cleaner person, I like you as you seem nice, even if you are kind of weird. But hey! What’s life without a little strangeness in it?!

Jack xx

Oh, I was thinking about what to do with the holiday dilemma when this song came onto my iPod. I think it kinda fits ...

Confusion

So in Peter’s blog (here) he mentioned that I MAY be going away in June. And so I thought I would explain my reasons for and against, for everyone, for my baby and just for myself, so here it goes. And sorry if it sounds selfish or like I am bias, I don’t mean to be and I’m not.

Ok, so it will be about £200 to go with my friends on a 4 day holiday where we would  rent a big house for about 15 of us and we would just live together. We wouldn’t do much, basically play cards, computer games, sleep and drink. What every teenager does. And it would be the LAST time I can go and see everyone together for years, if ever again. I have only known then for a year, but they are some of my closest friends in a really long time.

I (we) was (were) also hoping that I would be able to go and see Peter for about July time (roughly) but this would cost about £1000 so save up, which would be difficult to save. I think I can make it, but not sure. It all depends on if my sister can be my taxi sat and sun so I can get there, and pay here for petrol ... I’ll explain at another time.

So my dilemma: do I go with my friends for the last time, or do I go with my boyfriend for what could be the last time. I mean, if I don’t go to see him, it is very likely I will lose the one I love. And I don’t want that, but I don’t want to save and save and save, just to find out it is too late to go with my friends and I cant afford to see Peter. I would just be sat at home alone for a month, alone, with no friend and no bf.

Now, I know yall will just be saying ‘go with Peter, he’s your bf’, but its not that simple.

I hate myself for saying this, but they are my friends and I don’t want to lose them. I’ve done that before where I made one gil my everything and I literally had to scramble to get SOME friends in the end, and most people never spoke to me after that. I don’t want to do that again :(

I am the MOST INDECISIVE person in the world and I hate it. I know I upset peter because I know in this situation, he would pick me without a second thought. I just don’t know what to pick.

I mean, if yall had the choice between seeing family (they are like my family, if not better ... except for Ariel) or the one you have undying love for, which could you choose? How can you measure love, especially when it is different kinds of love?

I want to go and see Peter, its just idk. I’m just not sure and I hate it :’(





Jack

P.S. Baby, your not alone, i love you forever!

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Yipeee

Hey everyone, so i was gonna post a while back about my week ect, but i forgot it LOL. sorry been drinking, I will explain. So me and Jake help out at a youth group for children about 10-14, and it was my first day today. It was a lot of fun!!

We did things like Pants Challangwe (how any times can you pull a pair of pants up and down) and paper wars (like paintballing but with paper) ect.

So after all the tidying was done, we sast down and chatted about the night, Kinda awkward as its a Christian youth group and i'm not a Christian, but the main leader knows i'm not (or should), but oh well. I'm nopt there to preach (not that they do) but to make it fun and enjoyable for the ltitle'uns.

So after we left, me and jake were going to get some food And in the end, got some cider. In the end qe got some real cheappy shit lol but it was like twice the % incidentally. 1 litler each = good time.

I think we ended up licking each others face, in a game of 'chicken'. Oh well.

Thank god i have a lye in tomorow morning :P

~ Jack xx
(i'll try to post more often lol)