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Tuesday, 8 February 2011

My Tue Night ...

So as of now on, me and my friend Jake help out at a youth group and then share a bottle of cheap cider caled White Star. It makes me feal soo cheap, but at £1.60 for a liter (my half when shared with Jake) we have a good time.

Tonight wasn't too bad. I managed to get a lift home so i could talk to Peter, who was sleeping so i had to wait. But we had a nice chat and i think we sorted everything out. It was mainly me being paranoid and emotional about feeling replaced by his Jake.

So at the youth club i had a good time, where i set up the Wii, checked them in and was in charge of the money ect. WE made valentines day cards that made me both happy and sad.

When making then i had a blast, showing the kids how to do it and helping out ect, but it wasnt until later on that i remeembered ...

Last time i made this card, at this youth club, it wass for my nan. I never gave it to her.

I made it when i was 14 years old and yes it was a valentines day card, but she was like a mother to me better than a mother, she loved e and i never argued with her. I loved her to pieces, so it was only natural that i should express my love on a day dedicated to showing this love.

It was beautiful, it waws cream with red flowers, a beatuifully inscribed message ect and i stuffed the envilope fill of heart confetti for her, but when i got home i forgot about it. I found it about a year or two ago. She died before i had a chance to give it to her.

Its one of the many things that haunt me to this day. Like the time i unexpectidly brought my friend to play arround her house, when i should have been keeping her company. The time that i insisted we get talke-out after she spent hours cooking. All the times i took for granted and didnt say 'i love you'. I wish i could just show her how i love her, one last time!

So here i am, jogging home (yes, i jog!) and it strikes me just how much i miss her, and so now i'm in a bad and sad mood :(

But before that, me and jake had a great convo while we shared our 2litre bottle of cheap cider lol: its our new tuesday tradition lol. I had a good time and we talked about almost everything, including most of last weeks conversation that he repeated lol. So it was a strange night lol.

And baby, i love you and there is no Harm done! Even if i'll be on your back for the next month about spelling, grammar and punctuation x

~ Jack xx


Anonymous said...

Most of my memories like that are of doing silly childish things thinking they were fun and right and then they often weren't.

Or worse: Gran and Mum laughing (in a nice way) and presumably understanding; but a year or three later, thinking back, some things seem really, really childish and embarrassing.

But later, as I grew up my Great Aunt - Florence was her name - she and I got very close. She might even have been a lesbian you know? She never married. The story was she'd been jilted - but I don't know how near to the wedding that actually was. He might simply have realised she was gay, of course and called it off for that reason. Who knows?

Anyway - we used to talk about railways (because she had one going past her front door and I was/am mad about them) and later we talked politics for hours and hours. She was great at letting me or you talk about what we wanted - but then she'd join in and gently discuss and argue with you!

If I'd ever wanted to send a Valentine to an older relative it would have been to my (Great) Aunty Florence.

White Star cider - yes. But wasn't 'White Star' a shipping line?

Wayne said...

You and Peter both have close friends named Jake? Well that is fluky. Yeah, I also regret not paying more attention to my grandmothers in my youth before they passed away. Of course when you are young you are preoccupied with your friends.
-I remember back in my late teens being of limited financial means (to put it mildly) and we could only afford cheap sherry called Challenge (it lived up to it's name!) If we were really broke then we got the sherry that even the winos avoided; Golden Nut. I think I puked enough times that I never cared for booze since then lol. bfn - Wayne :)

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Anonymous said...

I swear, Jack. This post just hit me. I have a terrible memory for dates, and I forgot my mother's birthday the year she died. I found the card like you did, almost a year later, and cried for hours. I had to throw it away because I couldn't stand to think about finding it again.

Not familiar with White Star. Love Cornish Rattler. You clearly had a grand time with it!

Glad everything is sorted out. I figured it would be. It's pretty normal to be paranoid when you can't just pop round and say hello. That'll change if you two have your way!

Peace <3

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