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Thursday, 17 February 2011

Ursula

So I’ve told you guys about Ariel and I’ve mentioned Ursula (here), but I haven’t explained my relationship with my other sister.

She is four years older than me and he acts like she is 4 years old. We used to fight over the TV remote and silly thing like that when I was like 12, but the scary thing? She was 16. We’ve never had a great relationship.

Growing up with someone who insults you at every chance they get isn’t fun. Or when they lie. Or steal. Or hit. Etc.

I remember once she stole £180 off me because she spent her wages. Another time she stole my phone and when I confronted her, she said she didn’t have it ... for me to follow her up the stairs leaning into my room putting it back ... TO CONTINUE TO SAY SHE HADN’T TOUCHED IT, WHILE HOLDING IT!

I’ve always told myself if she got arrested, I’d leave her there to rot.

She just has a destructive personality. I mean, she does NOTHING around the house chore-wise and she’ll go missing for days on end, just to turn up and be a bitch to everyone.

Here’s an example of an average conversation we’ll have.

6pm: She comes home
7.45: she asks Ariel for a lift to work (to start at 8)
                She moans, complains and whines when Ariel says no.
                She goes back upstairs to finish getting ready.
7.55: she asks again for a lift, in a stress this time. The answer is a no.
                She storm upstairs.
                She roots around in dad’s bedroom for change.
8.00: she pleads for a lift, and blames Ariel for being late.
                After a no, she’ll go back upstairs yelling about how she’ll lose her job.
8.15: bitching she asks one last time, defeated so it’s more of a “so you’re not going to give me a lift?!”
8.20: she storm out of the house bitching.
8.30: me or Ariel will get a text demanding for us to leave her a key.
                We say no, and she bitches about how she’ll sleep on the curb. She won’t. Either we’ll leave a key or she’ll bang on the door until someone answers.

Then she got in a mood because my family arranged to have a drink on Thursday and she cant make it. But actually we decided to have a meal and go out next weekend BECAUSE she cant make it.

And then there is the whole ‘stop trying to act like your my mum’ dilemma, where – we all but mainly – Ariel has to constantly tell her to clean up after herself and she gets in a stress because we have to ask her to do something! GRR!

She can just be so selfish and self centred sometimes. But I cba anymore. I’ve put up with her for 18 years and I’ve usually kept my mouth shut and been quiet. But not anymore.

I’ll either yell at her, walk away or tell her to shut the fuck up ... depending on how I feel.

I mean I love her, she’s my sister, but I don’t like her one bit.

Me and Arial had a bit of a giggle the other day about what we’d do if she needed bail money. She said she’d leave her there, but I cant do that so someone. I think, honestly, that I’d pay the bail but tell them to leave her in there for a day or two and let her sweat.

Am I a bad person? Lol
~ Jack  

6 comments:

jaygeemmm said...

NO, your'e absolutely not a bad person. I don't think there's any law that says you have to do more than love your sister because she's your sister. Liking is a different matter. I have an odd relationship with my oldest brother (WJ - 6 years younger than me). I was the one who stuck up for him and defended him when he was young as he had an awful stammer (stutter) and every kid in every neighborhood we lived in made fun of him because of it. Now he doesn't communicate with me or our youngest brother (PL - 15 months younger than him), or our sister. It doesn't help that he married a witch of a woman, but now PL and I have to do rock paper scissors to determine who gets to leave a message that won't be returned on his answering machine to tell him when family gatherings are, or to ask when he'll be coming down.

So I guess family dynamics are what they are. It doesn't make us bad people because we'd rather not put up with the crap. I love him and his kids (but not so much the wife) to death, but sometimes it's only because Dad is sad if he doesn't show up or is late that I care at all if he bothers to come to family stuff.

If this means we're going to hell, save me a seat and I'll do the same for you!

Peace <3
Jay

A Wandering Pom said...

Hi there, Jack

No, you're not a bad person: I think Ursula would drive me up the wall, probably rather more quickly than she would you. It sounds as if she needs a good dose of having to live on her own and run her own life without help from others. I doubt, though, that there's much chance of her leaving home until she has to, or there's a better alternative available to her.

Take care

Mark

wldbl01 said...

Jack,

Maybe you and the family can move to a new house/location while she is at work! lol!

Either that, or marry her off! :-D

-"WARPed" Andy

(ps, my older sis was bad, but not THAT bad!!!) :-O

Wayne said...

In every family there is always one who wants to suck all the joy out of life. Irrational and irresponsible people send me up the wall cos in their minds everyone else is the cause of their problems. They just haven't matured to the point where they realize that the world doesn't revolve around them. I dunno; can you guys talk to her to resolve some issues? Girls have their problems and stresses too so I hate to be too judgmental. bfn - Wayne :) (I'm still trying to figure out Peter's posts!)

Phil Yabootz said...

Have you ever wondered why she is the way she is? Behind almost every 'difficult' person there is a story and as a brother you are in a better position to work out what it is.

'You can pick your friends but not your relatives'. It is easy to ignore or keep out of peoples way, less easy with family.

Have you honestly tried to work out what makes her tick or have you been blinded by sibling rivalry? Your words and treatment seem harsh but there again I don't know the whole story.

The fact you admit you love her in spite of her failings shows blood is thicker than water, perhaps you should try a different approach after all you are BOTH adults now.

Oh I nearly forgot...... have you considered the fact she is female and they're all fucked in the head anyway.

Jack xx said...

@ Jay:
Thank you :) and you make good points. As for your brother, I hope you two can sort things out, I really do, but if you can’t identify why he’s changed, then that’ll be difficult to do x

@ Mark:
I completely agree. Me and Ariel have long since come to the conclusion that we need to stop doing stuff for Ursula as that is the only way she’ll learn that we’re serious. But the problem is, most of the stuff she needs help from is pretty important. Like, if we don’t give her lifts, then she wouldn’t have a job etc. But small steps: we don’t lend her money (well, I don’t) and don’t leave keys out etc. Its just the fact that she knows she can get away with it.

@ Andy:
Hi :)
Haha, I’ve pondered that many a time. I don’t think she’d notice if there were another family living here tho haha. And it’ll take some doing to marry her off. Hope you and your sister have gotten better over the years :)

@ Wayne:
Very true, but usually the outside world are oblivious to them. This is not the case lol. We constantly try to talk to her, which it always ends up with her yelling and slamming doors. She doesn’t take criticism well :/
Oh and incase uou didn’t know, he was trying to blog from his phone.

@ Phil:
Hi :P
I have also thought about this a lot. I think it is because she was the first born and how she was raised. AS she was the first born, she was the favourite for 2 years and got all the attention, then when Ariel came into the picture, to make sure Ursula wasn’t jealous she got special treatment. Like, on Ariel’s birthday, Ursula got presents too etc, so I think she has just been raised with the ‘favourite’ mentality and therefore she can get away with murder.
As for brothers being better at identifying problems: wrong lol. Usually sisters are better.
Yes, there is a lot of back-story. Mainly small incidents that accumulate after 18 years of abuse, but those were just some highlights. We have had lots of good times, but they stopped a long time ago. Any suggestions for a different approach. We’ve tried almost everything :/
And finally, haha. I have considered that and it seemed like a foolproof idea; but Ariel isn’t quite “fucked in the head”, so its kinda flawed lol.

Thanks for all the responses, I appreciate them a lot! All the best everyone, Jack xx

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