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Friday, 4 March 2011

Not what I was expecting


So today I had several options for posts that I will surely save for the future, so don’t worry, there will be plenty of content coming your way. However, I had decided immediately to do a post on revision and grades as I got full marks on a test and it was the best in the year. Yay me.

But I have been feeling kinda down lately, and well, quite frankly, I couldn’t be arsed.

Well, not that I couldn’t be arsed, but more, I didn’t feel up to doing a ‘yay me’ post when I feel like complete crap.

So yes, I’m sorry fellow bloggers and mystery guests, but this post is going to be about me being down in the dumps. But due to popular demand, you guys said you wanted me to share these moments with you, so just be warned.

So its just been one of those weeks for me, where I get a bit sad about nothing in particular, and then I get ‘tempted’. Whether it be a passing ‘cutting’ thought, or a simple ‘this would kill you’. Don’t worry, I don’t act on it. At this stage it is very simple, and I get through several of these thoughts in an hour or two, perfectly manageable to me.

But then I get thinking about life, as we all do and it goes a bit downhill.

Life sucks.

If there is life, then there will be happiness; if there is happiness then there will be hope; with hope there will be dreams; with dreams, reality; reality, disappointment; disappointment, sadness and distress.

Its inevitable.

But I know that from this disappointment – where you are at rock bottom – it is much easier to find happiness and hope.

The cycle continues.

Is there a way to break this cycle? Is there a way to just remain in a perpetual state of one of these categories? Why must life be full of little surprises where history changes one TINY event, to make things completely different? And yet, the basics remain the same.

It just seems like I’m reliving events over and over again, only difference is: I know the outcome. Yet, I cant seem to change it. Like a nightmare that you have no control over, it just keeps coming back, night after night, the same events unfolding, unable to help yourself. Until you wake up.

Think back to your past, all those years ago. Were you once happy? Were you once full of hope and dreams for the future? Did those hopes and dreams one day come true? Or did you simply change them once reality struck? Did you fall? Have you fallen? Are you falling? ...

Jack xx
(sorry for the depressive post, but hope you didn’t mind the change in structure/content.)


Sometimes I just wonder if things are better off without me ...

2 comments:

jaygeemmm said...

I'm not sure of one thing...Why should reality lead to disappointment? That sounds like failure to hold the course. Or not seeing the big picture or the whole picture. In any case, it's not inevitable. I think disappointment can be avoided through judicious use of understanding and conversation. I can only offer this: stay the course, remember thine own roots, and those of others, and don't let your dreams become a self-fulfilling prophesy of disappointment.

Peace <3
Jay

Wayne said...

Relativity is the word Jack. A starving poor man in Africa would be exceedingly happy just to get a meal while a rich man in western countries might commit suicide if he lost everything in the stock market; yet who is immensely better off? You are allowing yourself to be a victim of relativity, unhappiness because of unfulfilled wants or needs that you imagine others have; is that a Buddhist thing? I always find some outdoors activity boosts my mood; sometimes it takes deliberate effort on my part to bring myself out of the doldrums. Simple activity to distract myself from my own mind, like riding my freeride bike, messing around my motorcycle or car, or just visiting my brother or friends. Go to the happy things you love that boost your mood. It is also normal to get the blues occasionally; life is boring sometimes and maybe that is better than too much stress. bfn - Wayne

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