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Sunday, 17 October 2010

Cake and Jake

Ok, so I have spent most of the day doing homework for tomorrow ... well actually, procrastinating. I literally spent 4 hours today doing two pages of work, because I kept thinking about Joel. I was just struggling to find the concentration and motivation. I mean, why should I sit there and write about some boring sociology framework, when I should be out there with the ones I love. Living life to the fullest?! So when I finally finished my essay, I wrote a short message to my teacher appolagising for it being shit and late, so hopefully she wont yell at me too much tomorrow :/
The thing that got to me today was cake. But it wasn’t just any cake; it was Joel’s 18th Birthday cake. As you all know, we all met up on sat (Joel’s Birthday) and we all forgot to bring a cake, so I said that I would make one and bring it in on Monday. So I started to make it and I just broke down and cried in my kitchen for about half an hour. I got really emotional as he wouldn’t be there to eat it with us tomorrow and that he never reached his 18th. It’s just a plain sponge, but it is so much more than that ...

So onto the second part of today’s post: Jake. My coming out story.
So I had already come out to one other person, but he didn’t really count (no offence Oliver lol), but I mean, I hadn’t told anyone that I knew in person. I had a choice of people I wanted to tell, but I felt that it should be Jake, as we are best friends and share a lot of secrets. The fact that he is also bi may have played a small part in it too :P So one day we were on MSN and I had been toying with the idea of telling someone with Oliver when Jake came on MSN and we got talking. We tend to have a fairly flirtatious way of talking to each other, so will use a lot of innuendos and sexual jokes about each other, but this time we got onto the topic of sex, wanking and experiences. This is how it went ...

Jake: I still recon your bi
Me: why do you say that?
Jake: You just have a biness about you
Me: hahaha. And what do you mean “still” ?
Jake: Whoops
Me:  tell me
Jake: I just thought it for a while
Jake: Erm ... I don’t really know, a few years
Me: oh. You could have told me and saved me a lot of hassle
Jake: Hassle?
Me: Yh, I am [bi] lol but you can’t tell ANYONE

So that was my coming out story. Once again, I know it wasn’t anything special, but at the time it was like a sign or something. I mean, only the night before I was talking to Oliver about coming out, and then he comes out with “I still recon your bi” and I was like :O. I knew that there wouldn’t be a problem with him accepting me as he is bi too, and with the constant flirting I felt like I had to do it. Although I will say this. If there is someone who you are thinking of telling, and if they flirt with you, AMP IT UP! That’s what I did, and that was how/why he said what he did. I made it quite obvious that I was bi (and liked him but that’s another story) which put the ball in his court, so to speak. So I say, try to leave it up to them, or at the very least ease them into it with sum subtle hints.

- Ttyl Jack xx


Anonymous said...

I'm sure the cake making was tough. It's going to take time to really come to grips with Joel's passing.

I'm not sure the coming out has to be some kind of grand event. The "subtlety" that you used with Jake mirrors in some way my coming out to my bff, M. You knew Jake was already there, I knew M was OK because her daughter is lesbian. There's nothing wrong with a sure thing. It felt so good just to say the words to a real live person, even if there was no drama, no gasp, no shriek...just a "yeah, I knew" (not that she really could, but I guess she'd suspected for a while).

Now it gets tougher. Who's next?

Peace <3

Jack said...

Yh, that is the problem when you tell those close to you: they most likely already know or suspect. Coming out does not have to be a big thing, on the contrary, i prefer it when it is more subtle as you can continue on normally.

But truer words were never spoken. In some cases it can be quite difficult; but the problem is not telling them (after a while) it is keeping it restricted. And to find out who next ... just keep reading :P
Jack xx

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