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Sunday, 24 October 2010

Party From Hell

Ok, so this is slightly over-exaggerated, but it was a really bad/strange weekend.
Saturday, I met Joe in town as we were going to hang out for the afternoon and then go to Cindarella’s birthday party. I got there about 20 minutes early, just in case, and got really nervous just before he came, as he hadn’t seen me with my short hair, so I was freaking out a little lol. But when he got there everything was fine and we acted as if nothing had ever happened between us: two friends, hanging out, rather than two ex-lovers. We agreed that we would walk home as it was a nice day and he enjoyed the outside (as do I). But I forgot the way that I wanted to take him (through a load of woods an forest) so we had to go a different route. We walked in silence. This was when I realised something wasn’t quite right, but I didn’t know what to say, so I just left it. However, as we couldn’t walk the romantic way that I hoped, I took us down a detour, to a small wood and secluded field which I was hoping would set the mood. It didn’t.
When we got back to my house, we rushed upstairs to get changed. I normally would get changed in a different room, but I
1) wanted to see his reaction
2) we have done FAR more, so it shouldn’t matter
3) we were in a rush
So I got changed into my pirate outfit and him into his Policeman’s one: he looked like a stripper! The party itself was quite nice, I got to meet lots of people I hardly ever get to see and spilt my drink within the first 20 minutes. But luckily I had a spare top (I have learnt from the past, where my friend ripped my underwear :/) So I spent the rest of the night trying to ignore Joe, and this was when I came out to Chill. But my attempts at leaving Joe to his own devices soon failed, and we had fun. Fortunately for me, I had to go and meet Jake (in his Rocky Horror Outfit) and so this distracted me for a while. Until it came to bedtime.
Me, Jake, Dana and Joe were lying in bed together, playing a game of Truth. It is basically Truth or Dare, only no one picks Dare, haha. Then the lights went out and we were all just cuddled up to one another. I had lost my top earlier due to a dare, and took my jacket off as it was uncomfortable, so I was just in my trousers and underwear, but I didn’t mind: I had Joe spooning me. Pretty soon, I found myself at his crotch, where my drink had played with my head a bit, but Joe didn’t seem to mind and he even reciprocated it. I knew that the other two knew what we were doing, so they moved off the bed and onto the floor – although at this point, it was strictly PG13. Not long after, he turned around and kissed me. This took me a bit by surprise, as I wouldn’t link kissing with a one night stand (and yes, to much disappointment is was a one night stand as he probably still doesn’t want a relationship) ... why do boys have to be ruled by their dicks?! Things got a bit more heated, as we continued to kiss, grope and hug each other; until he came. I was barely touching him, but I was proper teasing him, so it was my fault I guess. It was a great night, we spooned after, and cuddled until the early hours of the morning. But the next day was a different story...
My fears were confirmed the this morning when I found out Dana practically hates me because we ‘made’ her sleep on the floor and kept her up all night making “sucking noises” (kissing ... not that!) and I feel terrible now as I feel confused, slightly used and ashamed of myself. I should have been able to control myself, but when you’re in bed with someone you love its difficult to contain your emotions. But oh well, I guess Dana was right when she said I was “so disgusting”. Besides he was clearly off with me the next day and we barely spoke, which broke my heart again. I knew why it was, and a part of me is happy that I did that and wouldn’t change it; as I know what it feels like when you over stay your welcome on a one night stand. He did text me later on though and apologised, but it still doesn’t remove my confusion.

Here are the facts:

  • He was willing to continue on with me
  • If he had stopped me (morality) then I would have
  • He kissed me
  • He cuddled/spooned me
  • He wouldn’t want to confuse me
  • I didn’t get the impression that all he wanted to do was ‘get off’
  • Once he finished, that was it
  • He was off with me the next morning
  • Boys are ruled by their cocks
  • We were both drunk
  • He doesn’t/didn’t want a relationship
  • He liked having a fuck buddy

So I am pretty much fucked on what to do now. Do I confront him? Or do I flirt? Or just ignore him completely? Please help me, I would really appreciate any advice given :(
- Ttyl Desperate Jack xx


Anonymous said...

I think you know exactly what happened, and exactly what to do. And being young and inexperienced, it's not surprising that you wouldn't necessarily associate kissing with "just sex". But the mouth is just another part of your sex organs - true it can do so much more than some parts, but it is what it is in certain situations. The alcohol obviously figured in, too. And with the alcohol and no conversation, how would you get an impression that he wanted more than to "just get off"? He got off, you didn't. That's pretty one-sided, if you ask me.

There's no confrontation here. You were a willing partner. He's made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship, but is perfectly willing to hook up. You also know if you flirt, you will likely wind up doing it again, clearly he likes the sex. I don't know that you need to ignore him, but I think I'd get it very clear in my own head what the limitations are with him. The txt later? Leaves the door open to more ONS's. You haven't said how old Joe is, but I'm taking a stab that he's at least somewhat older, and perhaps more experienced in some ways. That's not to suggest that he's taking advantage of you. There's not enough here to make that leap.

There's one important person left out here: Dana. Seems at least an apology is in order. Sex isn't dirty, but it ought to be private. That's a pretty big violation of HER privacy to have done that in front of her (and Jake) and she expressed that.

Your sexual being is a very important part of you, and you need to be true to it as well as the rest of your psyche.

Notice that apart from the Dana bit, there's not a lot of advice here. Just another perspective. Perhaps brutally honest, and I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh. One thing I've learned after 30 years of working with youth is that most unasked for advice is unwanted, and most asked for advice is unheeded. But you're in college, and have some experience in life, so I think you can figure out what's right. For you.

Peace <3

Jack said...

I guess what i meant when i said he wanted to get off, was the fact that there was a LARGE ammount of fore-play and little 'action', so i interpreted that differently, but you have a point.
I also agree that flirting = sex (or something similar) and either way it is not good for me; so i am hoping to keep the firendship and loose the fucking.
Joe is 17 (same age, although 2 months older) and actually he is less experienced than me, haha. And i know he isnt taking advantage of me (he is rediculously kind and caring, i just felt a little used as he knew that i liked min and wanted a relationship ... although i knew this too).

Thank you for being brutally honnest and direct in what you said. It was true, and helped a lot. So feel free to comment any time :)
Jack xx

Anonymous said...

Flirting = sex is not necessarily a bad thing. You just need to know where your head is. You now know some of my story that parallels yours, so you know where I stand. The expectations and longer term desires are what are confusing. Especially with mixed messages.

I'm sorry you felt used. The whole point of my earlier comment was to hopefully help you avoid that, because I kind of sensed that Joe might be doing just that. I don't know, you say he's less experienced, but maybe not in getting what he wants in terms of physicality.

Peace <3

Jack said...

True, and the mixed messages are confusing :( It's just a shame he is such a nice guy, so i can't blame him haha.
But i do think he is more innocent than me, i pretty much every way. I mean i was his first REAL kiss and everything else; so he may be good at getting what he wants, but i'm not sure about physically :S
Jack xx

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