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Thursday, 4 November 2010

Peter

Quick bit about my day so far:
I am REALLY pissed off at my gourpmates for this filming thing i have to do. I am the only one doing work and they keep mucking up! Like we all knew what the costume was, but no one thought to tell the actor to wear the same clothes or bring in a tie or anything, so now we have to refilm parts of it!!! Then my whole family and friends are pushing me about who i am dating (Facebook told them) but i cant tell them about him just yet (although i REALLY want to) but i hate lying about Peter :( And finaly: ANOTHER one of my firends was hit by a car :'( I make that 3 in the last month ... FML ... i am just bad luck :( so look out Peter xx
...
So i havent done a post about Peter yet ... JUST about Peter: so here it goes ...

We met via blogger and got talking one day. Originally i found it strange how friendly he was and how open he seemed to be, but i soon realised just how friendly and genuine he really was. He opened himself up to me within the first few minutes of meeting me, and it was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. He was kind, gentle and giving, always open to learning new things and i loved him for it. Almsot immmediately i felt that initial spark, i liked him, a lot. But this kind of scared me as we couldnt be together (different continents ... and all that!) and i was afriad to acknowledge my true feelings, or the extent of them, but i am not any more. Peter ... I LOVE YOU! and i mean that from the bottom of my heart x




I just love the way that he fiddles with his braces, and the way it drives me insane. The way that he is weight and image conceous, where he can't sit still for too long or he gets fidgety ... and yet he still does it for over 2 hours a day with me :) How he looks first thing in the morning or lastthing at night, makes my heart soar. Even the way how he reacts when i put to many X's at the end of a sentance (I know this bugs you but i just try to think of it as a word formation of my emotions haha). I know that he used to be a bt premiscuous and i accepted it and it made him unique, but we are now in a closed relationship and i love him all the more for ignoring those urges (although he has my permission) and for wanting to be with me. I love him.

But this is where my fears and worries come from. I want him to complete his GED and get good grades for the future. I dont want him to have annonymous sex so he can be 'safe' as well as safe, and i worry each time he is not online in case the worst has happened. I worry that he has and will find someone better than me. I fear that he will find happyness without me and with someone he can reach out and touch. Each time he says he has something to talk about, or that he "has felt everything for someone" i automatically think that it is over and he has moved on. I love him and he has moved on. This is my fear. This is what keeps me up at night. This is me.

Jack xx

6 comments:

Love<~Peter~> said...

i love you please never doubt Love<~Peter~>

Jack xx said...

i love yuo too baby.
I dont doubt the love, just that you will find someone who can be with you in person and who you can touch x
Love you, Jack xx

jaygeemmm said...

Ah the joys of continuity in film making. Been there, done that, made people go home and get what they were supposed to have. Appoint a continuity director, makes life easier!

Gotta love the love. Makes ME feel all warm and fuzzy, too! Must be rubbing off or something. Now quit worrying. It looks like all you two do is worry that one or the other is going to leave...have some confidence in yourselves, you're great guys with a lot going for you.

Peace <3
Jay

Ethan said...

That is messed up and I doubt Peter will get hurt b/c of you.

You really shouldn't worry like you do. I'm confident that Peter wont leave you.

Take Care Jack
Ethan

JSL said...

i'm reading both you guys blogs and its obvious how you feel about each other and both want to do all you can to make sure this relationship works, whatever format it takes. You both know the potential pitfalls, but you both seem such nice guys that you should enjoy what you have and live and love for now ...both of you, take care James

Jack xx said...

Thanks James. We really do, although the problems are a lot to overcome. But i really want this to work :(
Thanks for the comment and advice, Jack xx

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