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Thursday, 11 November 2010

My Problems Part 2

So I did finish this post last time, but I forgot about this, so I thought that I would just continue. As do my problems :/ So this ‘problem’ is my phobia of having things stolen (intentional or joking) as well as my panic attacks.
A few years ago, when I was about 14 or so, something happened that would affect me in quite a big way. I’m sure you can all guess what it is, but I’ma tell you the story anyway. So at the time I was just at that age where I wanted a part time job, and there was this shooting range where they hired minors (and adults) to mark down the score the shooters got. You got quite good pay, but it was a bit difficult to get to and you had to do a day’s training: but you could get trained by anyone, and if they were nice they would pay you half of their wages. Anyway, I had been there before and trained, but I forgot it, so I decided to get trained again by me friend, neighbour and ex gf. I popped into town a few hours before to mosey around the shops and got the bus home so that I would be there for 3 (when we were leaving for the ‘Ranges’). I got outside my street when I needed to call my friend to let her know I would be ready in about 30 mins, so I got out my phone, called her and hung up. Then two guys called me over from across the road (still literally just outside my street) and so I tried to ignore them but in the end I gave up and walked over there. So they asked if they could borrow my phone to call their friend “Trophy” to tell them where they are; so being the niaive idiot that I am, I agreed, thinking that there is no wrong in the world and people are nice human beings. I was wrong. They called their friend a couple of times, but he didn’t answer, so they asked (begged) me to let them walk up the road towards the main road to see if their friend was there. No problem I thought, I am close to home, they seem friendly and if they are going to steal my phone, they would have by now. So I walk with them, not entirely trusting them, but going along with it. They got to the end of the road and called him again ... no answer. They persuaded me to let them borrow my phone while walking down the local alleyway ...
They got to the local school and they still had my phone and by now I was a little worried. They continued to walk down towards the local shops, making idle conversation, but I mainly kept to myself. By the time that they walked past the shops and continued towards the ‘rough part of town’ I got really worried. I asked for my phone back. They ignored me. I got increasingly worried.
They continued walking through an estate of terraced houses, each interlinking to form a labyrinth, by the time I was getting lost. At this point, I was doing my best to make sure that they heard me asking for my phone back. I was tempted to leave and go home – I was already late to my friends house and for the training, but I didn’t want to just ‘give up’ on my phone – so I asked again. Eventually, I tapped him on the shoulder and said
“I want my phone back”, to which he replied
touch me again and I’ll break your nose” ... not the most threatening thing, but I think it was way more believable than ‘I’ll kill you’
I was terrified, and asked again (a little less sure about myself) for my phone. I knew that I was being mugged, but its one of those things that you just cant think and keep going: straight over the cliff. So at this point I lied and said that I had no idea where I was or how to get home, so could I just have my phone and I wished them luck in finding “Trophy”. This backfired, where at this point they took off running. I was not a particularly healthy kid and was relatively obese which meant that not only did I find it hard to keep up with them, but it was amusing watching me try to, to them. I hated it. They ran almost the way back to town, with me behind. I somehow managed to keep up with them, although I was behind them. Eventually they turned around in another alleyway and waited for me. They hit me. It wasn’t to hard or anything, but it hurt and left me fearing for my life, because it was at this point they threatened to kill me and ran off. I thought it would be best to return home. I cried the entire journey home (about 40 mins). No one stopped and asked if I was ok. No one checked to see if I was hurt. No one cared. I felt so alone surrounded by people and I hated it; and do you know what happened as soon as I got in? My mum yelled at me for being so late home and making her waste her afternoon. Needless to say I broke down again and ran up to my room. I told her what had happened, and although sympathetic, she blamed me (as do I) and since then I haven’t been able to deal with this very well.
About a year after ... none of my friends really knew this ... and Jake stole some pieces of paper from my pocket containing some lyrics I had scribbled. I followed him around school for about 30 mins begging to have them back, before we ran into a teacher. He told her that they were his and didn’t know what I was on about. This was too similar for my liking, which was when I walked/ran off crying and went home. Fortunately it was the end of the day, or else I don’t know what I would have done. It only took him until last week to understand my reaction, when he took my phone and refused to give it back. Normally I just panic a bit and cry or something, but when its my phone, I go into full break down mode. I started hyperventilating and had a panic attack. I don’t get them often, but I hate it when I do, and this is one of the only things that trigger me.
So what is the thing that reminded me of this, you ask? Well today in Sociology class we watched a film where a man got mugged (phone) and he followed a seemingly nice guy who claimed to know the thief. 40 mins after they met and a distance away, he drew out a knife and stole the guys laptop. It was a bit too close for comfort, and I had a panic attack. But as it was a lesson and I couldn’t afford to miss MORE of the class, I had to stay, but fortunately no one noticed as I was sat in the corner tears streaming down my face. Afterwards I had to go and see my teacher to organise a meeting, when he wondered why my breathing was strange, and I told her why. She was really sympathetic, and admitted she forgot to ask if this would hurt anyone. Figures.
So to this day I hate my things being ‘stolen’ from me, even if it is a joke, and especially if it is my phone. I can’t help but break down and have panic attacks, each and every time. I never went to the police in the end and they were never caught: but the name “Trophy” still haunts me.
Jack xx


Brian said...

That was a really bad experience you had, I'm sorry it happened to you. No one likes to have something 'stolen' from them, but in that first case your life really was in danger. Something like that would affect anyone badly. I hope you can find a way to put this behind you so it doesn't haunt you any longer. And you just unfortunately have to be suspicious in situations like this.

Jack xx said...

Thanks Brian, i do too :( and unfortunately thats the world we live in today
Jack xx

jaygeemmm said...

I understand why you'd be fearful in certain situations, that's a normal reaction to a traumatic event like you went through at 14. Hopefully you can overcome these long lingering effects...but I have to agree, I hate thieves. I know what it's like to be attacked though - twice, by near strangers. I'll spare you the details, but it left me pretty distrustful of strangers for a long time. But I think as you move towards adulthood, it will get better. I hope so. You're too nice a guy to go through life unhappy on the inside about so much.
Peace <3

Jack xx said...

Thanks Jay, and really? hope your ok :( And thanks for that jey, i hope so but only time will tell :/
Jack xx

A Wandering Pom said...

Dear Jack

Thank you, once again, for trusting us with this post. I hope that telling us about this incident will help you break the hold it has on you.

Nothing quite like this has ever happened to me, but I've got closer than I would like several times, so I think I have some idea how you must have felt. I also have a strong dislike of my possessions being "stolen" - several "friends" at school decided this was amusing from time to time.



jaygeemmm said...

To make a long story short, first time was at 12 when I was drop kicked in the back and pommeled about the head by a kid I'd turned in for hitting a 6 year old. A friend saw it happen and knocked the kid off me. Second time (I was 14 1/2) was a sucker punch to the face as I walked out of a small room at school into a narrow hallway. After the second punch to the face, I grabbed him in a headlock and smashed his head into the concrete wall until he quit trying to hit me (he did get a couple into the junk, but I was so enraged I didn't notice until later that day). I have no idea who he was or why he attacked me. I guess the overall result was I hated being alone (as in not knowing anyone else) in strange places, and could come close to panic if I realized that's where I was. It took until I was out of college and doing some hardcore caving before I finally got over it.
Peace <3

ps, I think it'll get better.

Jack xx said...

Thanks Mark, iots strange how your 'friends' can turn out to be your enemies :/ so i feel for you too *hug* x

And Jay, im sorry for what happened. I think the only thing i can really say is sorry and that people can be dicks! haha. Random acts of hate are the worst as you never know WHY they do it. But im glad that you managed to get over this, just a shame it took so long for you :(

love you all and thanks again for the support, Jack xx

Micky said...

There's a bit consolation price for getting mugged at 14 - you're certainly going to recognise the possibility of it ever happening again before it even does and have nothing to do with it. This is called a survival instinct isn't it? Could even save your life a some point in the future, who knows?

Maybe it's right that you should try to file it away as 'experience' and a lesson learned, eh? We all get things like that wrong when we're young and suddenly the world isn't as trustworthy and innocent as we'd maybe thought. It happens to us a different ages and in different ways of course.

Thanks for sharing it all!

Jack xx said...

Thanks Micky, it was a pretty traumatic part of my life, but your ture that its something to learn from, and know about in the future. Hopefuly i wont be in that situation again, but at least i have experiece.
Jack xx

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