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Sunday, 24 July 2011

Emo Rant

So this post follows on from my last one [here] and i explain just whats going through my head right now. Or at least i try
I just dont know! On the one hand i want to appolagise and go crawling back, because he wont. I still have him on MSN and Skype (that i know of) and have his mum/bff on facebook and have his number etc. So if i wanted/needed to get a message to him i could lol. But i dont know if i want to or not.

Its so frustrating how he can jsut turn off his emotions like that, and i just hate the thought that this guy who i like and have a good conection with, can just up and leave!

Star and some of you guys said that he'd be back (or should) but he wont ... and hasnt. He told be a little while ago that he doesnt get emotionally attached to people because they leave and hurt him. Which is fair enough, but he also said that he could get over me and forget about me "within 15 seconds and never look back" so i know that if he truely wanted to move on i'd be out of his life ... hence me appolagising.

But i know this has happened because he should have contacted me by now to appolagisise for over-reacting ... so no. He wont be back on his own.

I'm forever backing down or having to rephrase what i'm saying to make sure i dont offend him, but he's such a great guy i usually dont mind. I mean, i actually got excited earlier because he started the conversation with me for once, and i thought i was making headway, bu obviously not.

I cant help but think "was i too harsh on him" or "did he properly understand" and stuff like that. Its as if i'm making excuses to go and talk to him, but idk i just dont know what to do!

I want him back, but i dont want him to be such a dick!

I cant stand the fact that this guy means a lot to me for so many reasons, and yet he ends it because he doesnt want to be mean to me. Was i too harsh after that?! was it my fault?!

And then there is the way we left it, i mean i keep wanting to go and talk to him to end it properly but i know if i do he will either ignore me, block me or be over me already.

Oh, and i completely overlooked the sentance
          "and i changed my entire way of living the times u were down here u dont see the stress i actually put up with"

Which i feel really bad about, mainly because he must think that i jsut ignored it or didnt think it was important enough. but i mean, i didnt ask him to change anything! If anything i would have like to have seen him in his 'natural' state, it would have enabled me to understand him a bit better.

But because he forgot me so easily and has moved on clearly, i dont want to go crawling back. I dont want to be the pathetic one appolagising for everything! I've had enough of it! The fact that he hasnt even tried to contact me again just makes me angry at him. But then i cant help but feel responsible.

I just dont know what to do. This is always the case with me, no matter whoever i like or become friends with, they always end up despising me and leave to never talk to me again, and i'm left here to pick up the pieces. Joy


Anonymous said...

Jack, I think you're slowly but surely learning the facts of teenage relationships. Every teenager is in a different state of maturity, and obviously yours and emo's don't match up. He's made it clear it isn't you, it's him - the statement that he doesn't want to be mean to you should tell you that he thinks a lot of you and doesn't want to hurt you, so better to end it now, than allow you to become closer (than he perceives that you are perhaps). You deserve someone who doesn't stress out and change his lifestyle for you, you deserve someone better than a person who is mean by his own admission and trying not to hurt you by changing himself - those changes seldom stick.

You have NO BLAME HERE!!! Somehow I just don't think you visited him and, he you, with a sign saying "CHANGE AND BE NICE TO ME!" on your chest. You went as yourself, he couldn't cope with that, so chalk it up to a lesson in who you don't want to date. Even if it hurts now.

I think part of your issues are that you don't want to let go, even if you know it's for your own good. Your prince in shining armour is out there, but like so many of us, it may take some time and some more broken hearts to find him. But hearts mend, and if you don't over-analyse this to the point of hurting yourself, you'll be fine.

At the very least, in 24 days, your life won't be OVER (I wish you'd change that, it's like going to uni is depressing), it will be BEGINNING - new digs, new mates, new coursework, new opportunities!!! Well, I guess to be accurate, most of that won't happen until early September, but still, the anticipation and preparations should put a glow in your heart, and a smile on your face!

StarSandwich said...

Great music choice there...
Oh okay. So maybe Emo Boy is being a little bitch after all. Just don't talk to him 'Yet' Maybe you could send a text when your ready, just saying your point of view and how this has affected you. Put it bluntly weather or not he is interested in you.

Things like this can really mess up one heart and mind. Jack, I'm sorry he didn't reply within the 30hour deadline but give it time. You wasn't to hard on him how are you to know about his stress when he hides it from you. Look. If he doesn't put the effort in he isn't worth your time.

You should listen to the song. It defiantly has good meaning in it. Take it.

Sorry my whole thing didn't work but give it one more day, if not send a text. Its better to know then not to know. or you'll have regrets.

- Star "/

naturgesetz said...

If you do send him something, I think it's best to keep it simple, because unfortunately, the more you say, the more you give him to find fault with, if he is at all inclined to. A simple, "Can we be friends again? I'm sorry I upset you, and I'd like to have you back," should be plenty.

But a relationship where you constantly have to apologize for things that weren't really wrong isn't all that great. So yeah, give it a try, but if he breaks up again or refuses to get back together, then you should let him go, and do what you can to let the memory fade. It takes time, but it happens. It's not what you want, but sometimes you have to accept things as they are. Not all relationships work out.

Maybe this is a signal that you should go to Swansea.

Wayne said...

Do you think it is any easier for straight guys in their pursuit of girls? If you want him then you need to prove to him that he is worth it. You said he doesn't get emotionally involved cos 'so many have left him and hurt him'. You need to prove otherwise, and the picture was really kind of a petty thing to break up over. Maybe he is waiting for you to call him; like a couple who are arguing and waiting for the other to apologize first. Of course if you are being used as a doormat in a relationship then it is time to look elsewhere, but you seem to really like this guy so I feel you should get in contact with him and get things straightened out (pardon the pun!) bfn - Wayne

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