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Thursday, 14 July 2011

No Turning Back

So not many of you guys know that Emo Guy came to stay with me about a week ago, and even less of you know that i had a family gathering at the same time.

Yes ... The first time Emo Guy comes down to visit and i throw him into the deep end by making him meet almost my entire family ... well my dad's side (but i wont get into that right now ...)

Anyway, it turned out to be a fantastic day with sunshine, sandy beaches and warm weather ... AMAZING concidering its an English beach we went to!

There was just one problem ...

I had to go back in the closet so to speak.

Now dont get me wrong, it isnt because i'm not proud or anything like that, and its not like they wouldnt accept me, because they would. Its simply because i havnt told them.

Once again .... not because of the reasons above, simply because well, there is no need to. I see most of them once a year and have no further contact with. I'm openly gay but most people choose to ignore this, unless you have a formal decloration. And well, i just couldnt be arsed to make a big deal about me being 'out' and then make the whole day about myself ... AWKWARD!

So no, it was just easy to stay in the closet for the day. Which really was easy anyway ... except for a few things.

Firstly, there was Emo Guy. I didnt force him into the closet and if/when people (ie. my younger cousin Nick) asked if he was gay, i was honest and said yes.

... he found it really strange that i was friends with him and that i knew he was gay.

But because i was in the closet and he was out, it made being alone together kinda difficult. I feel awkward enough wtih PDA's (Public Displays of Affection) let alone with my family and especially if its with another guy when i'm not 'out'!

So kissing was pretty much out of the question. We did manage to sneak off for a little bit, but he was focused on his Photography most of the time, so i was kinda left on the back seat as usual.

But on the upside is that my family loved him and we managed to cuddle etc on the ride home and stuff.

But my second major problem of the day arrose from my cousin Nick. I really dont know if i should actually come out to him or not. I mean, i volenteer with children the same age and everything, so i'm used to the harmless homophobic comments (like the odd "thats so gay" or "your gay!" and well, you tend to brush them off because they are harmless and innocent, but some of what he was saying was a little more ... riskay lol.

Like, he made a LOT of gay comments about Emo Guy and about how he was gay and stuff. And him and his brother have always joked arround the concept that i was gay (mainly because i didnt let them read my text messages from my gf's lol ... see, the "harmless" gay jokes), but then he kinda amps it up a notch sometimes.

For example, i said i wanted to get my lip pierced and he came out with "thats jsut another reason for me to call you queer". And he didnt say it in a joking way or anything, and i dont know if its just that word that shoced me or the fact that i was sat next to Emo Guy and felt awkward or not, idk.

Just i love my cousins and i dont like the thought that i have to lie to them about something, but i dont know if he is going to turn out to be homophobic or not, and more importantly, if i should interfere or leave him alone.

I know how hurtful some people can be and i dont want to be the cause of it to anyone.

Are some people actually like this from an early age?

Is this what the world is going to become? A pointless black hole where even innocence can be corrupted?!




... i dont really want to live in this world if it is

2 comments:

Ethan said...

Glad for the most part you are had fun.

Well to get an idea what the parents are like look at the little kids. That's what I've always said.
I mean they are the ones who tell him what is right and wrong to say.

I'm going to be honest with you, b/c I no clue the context, the parents, and what his background is I'm not sure what to say and really no one here on blogger knows the kid better then you.

So I feel that w/o knowing everything not sure what to think about the kid.
-Ethan

Wayne said...

You have the right approach about the sexuality thing and family, no need to wear it on your sleeve cos it is just one component of your life. But you need to have a serious discussion with your cousin about gay sexuality and the myths and outright lies about it. Being homosexual is very masculine and nothing to be ashamed of, and there is lots of proof on the Internet. Your cousin is simply a product of his environment and he needs to hear an opposing POV. - Wayne :)(you and Emo guy sound like a nice couple!)

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