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Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Agony Uncle

Hey, so I was going to a boring and self indulgent post about how I had to stand on a bridge not moving in the freezing cold for an hour and such fun, or how a certain blogger has really upset me; but I was inspired by Peter’s post (you can find it here).
I just feel terrible that he had to go through something like that and I have no real understanding. No amount of research or empathy can make me understand how it felt. Its just ... would YOU want the one you love being hurt?!
Ok, so over the years I have often been the one to go too for advice and help on almost any topics. Even from a young age I’ve had kids ask me about relationships, education, you name it, I’ve tried my best to advise on it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a professional actual adviser or anything, nor is my advice guaranteed to work; but it has given me some practice and I really do try my best. Some people would not care or force their opinion on someone, but I don’t have an opinion. Or rather, I keep it to myself, or make it clear it is MY opinion.
To keep a level head and think logically is usually the best way to go.
Like, the other day, my ex girlfriend came over to see me (which was kinda out of the blue, but oh well) and she dropped a bomb shell. She has been dating her bf for over a year now (no offence, but he was her rebound ... they got together only a few days after we split) and have been pretty inseparable since. They are kind of the power couple I know, but not many people like them, which is a shame because they are both lovely. Anyway, she came to me to get my advice because she was also in love with his best friend and he loves her. They had done stuff, including a threesome, and in pairs, and she was torn.

  • Should she break up with her bf and only hurt him.
  • Should she discontinue this affair and hurt the other guy.
  • Should she dump both and hurt both.
  • Or should she continue with both, and hurt both.
So we ended up circling around college talking it through, and I tried to give her arguments for and against each side, so that she could make her own decision. I did feel guilty not being able to tell her bf, but when I help give someone advice, I keep it confidential unless it is a life or death situation. People should have the right to ask for advice and not have it displayed around college.

And so, I beg you. Anyone out there. If you have something eating you up inside, confide in someone. It doesn’t have to be me, or a professional, just someone you can trust and (hopefully) is unbias. Even just having someone to listen to you can make a world of improvement. You are not alone and there are thousands of other people out there who have, or are going, through the same things.
Why learn from YOUR mistakes, when you can learn from OTHER’S.
But if you do ever want to talk, chat, complain, get advice, or anything in between, just contact me at ... every one has the right to be heard. x

~ Jack xx

P.S. I'm always here for you baby, no matter what you say or do x

...My Heart Beats For Only You...



" but when I help give someone advice, I keep it confidential unless it is a life or death situation"

Great mottto that I wish everyone used.

Great Post!

Wayne said...

Good for you Jack; I could not say it any better. Keeping emotions under control and using some reason and logic is usually the best course. I'm glad you are there for Peter too who was victimised as a kid; kids should get nothing but love and affection. But please do look for the joy in life too cos you need some fun at your age! bfn - Wayne

Anonymous said...

Two things struck me:
"To keep a level head and think logically is usually the best way to go."
The minute YOU become emotional is the minute you lose impartiality, and thus the ability to be truly helpful. And impartiality doesn't mean you don't care about the person you are talking to than anyone else, it means you try hard to see both sides...well good, Jack.

The other thing: " that she could make her own decision"...I was taught early on that counseling involves 90% listening and 10% talking, and always trying to help someone work out the best solution on their own. It's good to know you know that. You are special Jack, and your friends are lucky to have someone as unselfish and insightful as you are.

Peace <3

Anonymous said...

Threesomes are never easy to sort out. In the end maybe the two boys could find love together?

Well, that would be a turn-up for the books I bet.

Keep it up Jack - and if you could get your super highly-strung boyfriend to calm down a bit, it might stop him bursting a blood vessel or something!

Rowan said...


Ko, im fine :)

Ive only chatted with you a few times on msn but you definetely seem like a guy one could open upto fairly easily. You're a good guy, Jack :)

Btw, hope its not me who's been annoying you :/

Rowan <3

Anonymous said...

rowan i can honestly say it is not you and micky i am high strung lol? maybe i took that the wrong way oh well lol but yeah rowan he is a mazing guy. and yuck no one will be in our threesome with us for sure i think unless jack you want to tell me if your into that or not. also jay you are correct as a teen adviser i only got emontionally involved with one client jake and we see how that got me. and wayne you are so right my baby so need to not act like the adult he does and be a kid partyyyyyyyyyyyy hehehe but not too hard baby jking. but yeah he is always amazingly there for me when i need him and i hope i return the favor. and yeah very good motto id say.. now hows that for a run on comment love you babe Love<~peter~>

Jack xx said...

@ Toy Couture: haha, so do I. I just try to think that if I told someone something or asked for advice, how much I would hate it (and probably that person) if rumours started to be spread. So the best way to remove this factor is just by keeping it to yourself. You can’t do that? Don’t give advice.

@ Wayne: Thanks. Usually I look at things TOO logically and don’t factor emotions into the equation much (gah, you can tell I do maths haha) but I make a special effort when giving advice as emotions can be the thing that tip the scales in the other direction. And I’m glad I’m here for Peter too, although tbh I doubt I make his life any better on that topic. We’ll see.
And as for having fun in my life. I generally don’t care about myself. I know that sounds like a terrible thing to say, but it’s true. I would gladly suffer for someone else to be happy, than be selfish and happy myself. So if it is a choice to go and spend my only free time between classes to give advice I will. If it means keeping my opinions to myself then I will. Ethan says I am too submissive and need to stand up for myself as people walk over me, but I don’t mind. Its been that way for so long, I’m used to it and will apologise even if it is not my fault. But that another story lol. But all in all, I do have fun, by putting other people first and seeing the joy in their faces when I help them.

@ Jay: Well I see those two points you highlighted the most important things when giving advice. Usually the point of giving advice is to point out things that the other person cannot see, and to give them advantages and disadvantages from every aspect. And ultimately they have to decide, as they are the ones who have to live with the consequences.

@ Micky: Hahahahaha, that WOULD be a surprise lol. But no, the two guys are best friends and are straight. Well, relatively straight. But in the end she opted to break up with her bf (who was unhappy anyway and likes another girl) and I THINK she is dating the other guy, but not sure. But once again, I hope they are happy and as usual, my job is never done. I’m still trying my best to help her stop her self harm (such a hypocrite) and I’m now advising her EX bf as the girl he likes in in an unhappy relationship but refuses to end it. Excitement? Plenty.
And do you really think I could stop my super highly-strung boyfriend?! I try but to no avail. Lol. Love you baby x

@ Rowan: Haha, ok, if you insist I help you ... but as I always said, I’m always here to help, and in your case that may apply to media, but who knows lol. But thank you for the compliment. As you said, I’ve only spoken to you a few times, but you sound like a stand up bloke, and you really are kind hearted and lovable. You’ll make someone a wonderful husband someday :)
And no it wasn’t you Rowan, but we sorted it out now anyway. So dw.

@ Baby: You can be high strung baby, but its ok. We’ll work through it together :P HAHA, I am yet to be in a threesome (although spin the bottle ... *looks off distantly* LOL) so I can’t say if I like it or not, but I am pretty certain I would be too self conscious and shy for it. I’d just be sat in the corner waiting for the other two to finish haha. You baby?
But BABBBYYYYY!!!!! I’ve lived my life being an adult and had to grow up from a young age, so being an adult is fine. It’s one of the few things I know how to do moderately well lol. You ARE there for me babe x

And yes, that was a very long run on comment haha, even if you did basically write this comment for me haha. But thank you everyone, it means a lot to me :)
Jack xx

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