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Thursday, 28 April 2011

Unconditional love and faithfulness

Ok, so this is just a short little post in responce to a comment I got from Wayne. I just wanted to make it more public so people didn’t think I was a complete arse. Even though I am lol.

Original Comment:
I'll be frank Jack; you sounded really pushy demanding that he attach special meaning to some films you watched together and some other items. What is special is the conversation you have together and the feelings you share over time. I don't know why you guys just can't talk with each other about how your day is going, the problems you both have, and the friends you meet. Ultimatums, expectations, and demands will destroy friendships and love. Gratuitous sex is one thing, but real friendship and love is a much longer process with ups and downs along the way. When you and Peter talk it should be comforting and relieving, not a source of stress. Demanding unconditional love and faithfulness while separated by thousands of miles is being unrealistic. You guys should be faithfully talking with and supporting each other; you may actually meet sometime in the future (with your boy-friends!). bfn - Wayne (hugs)


So yes, I was being demanding and everything and granted I did assume that the same things would mean as much to him as they did to me. But I do have to inform you guys about some history.

Firstly, I really really REALLY felt on the fence here, and I hate being on the fence. Constantly being told that the one person you love wants to be with you and then the next minute that he doesn’t and then the next minute he does etc. I hate it! So my emotions were all over the place.

Secondly, there is also the fact that I had given this ultimatum to him once before with practically no reply, just a shrug of the shoulders and things continued on.

So yes, I was pushy and demanding, and I oculd have put it in a better way and not been so caught up in things, but to some extent I think/hope that some part of it is forgivable.

But I also want to point out that this is only a section from what me and peter talked about. Since we broke up we’ve talked quite a lot. Almost every day frankly lol. And each of these are full of pleasantries and friendship and how the other’s day is going etc. But these conversations aren’t the first things I’m dying to put on my blog. Just because I don’t talk about something, doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened haha.

And I tried to emphasise how I hate using ultimatums and how I really did feel cornered to the point that it was the only was forward. If I hadn’t done it, I would have been hung up on Peter for an extraordinary long length of time, which wouldn’t have been fair for either of us. And it would have ruined any chances of any kind of relationship.

I have some questions for you, my fellow bloggers. Did I really demand “unconditional love and faithfulness” ? because I really didn’t. I mean, I wasn’t looking for unconditional love, just that he would understand that these things meant a lot to me and that I wanted him to show me he cared (because I’m paranoid like that). As for faithfulness ... heck no! I even stated that I would have been accepting and willing for him to have ANOTHER bf if he wanted haha. But did it come across that I wanted “unconditional love and faithfulness” ??

But the last section (“You guys should be faithfully talking with and supporting each other; you may actually meet sometime in the future”) is already coming true, and I hope it does.

Jack xx


Micky said...

What the fuck right has any of us to judge your and his relationship?

Of course it was also going to be 'fun' because of the distance, because of your different cultures, your different living and social circumstances and your differing understanding of what 'relationship' and 'love' meant.

But it's no part of what I or anyone else who is privileged to read your blog should be doing to condemn your or anyone else's relationships or love life.

If you, or any other blogger, asks for opinions, help or guidance (as here) then OK we can chip in - but judging you or he or the pair of you is not what we should be here to do.

Or am I wrong?

Wayne said...

It's great you guys are talking again and see how it goes. We all want that best friend/lover and it is hard to be patient, and yeah the 'fence' thing is hard on the head. No you're definitely not an arse, you're more open and honest than most and you deserve a special guy. I certainly am not judging, but I would be doing you a disservice if I don't point out some things when you are looking for opinions. As for me I'm far from perfect and have messed up enough in my life; no one can claim to be righteous. bfn - Wayne :) (hope your school year is going well!)

Anonymous said...

I don't know exactly what to think, so perhaps I should keep my mouth shut. But that's not in my nature, you certainly know that.

I'm really glad you and Peter are maintaining your friendship. That will be good for both of you. I won't attempt to interpret or second guess your words. I know how you felt about him, and I don't think your personality would allow you to makes the kinds of demands that have been mentioned. In any case, I'm really sorry that it didn't work out for you two, and I hope your healing comes quickly.

Peace <3

Jack xx said...

Thanks guys.

Micky; everyone is allowed thier own opinion, as long as everyone else has the chance to argue it. But i know your only trying to help and support me, so thank you :)

Wayne: i'm still not sure you are fully understanding what i am trying to say haha. "It's great you guys are talking again and see how it goes". WE are not seeing how it goes as that would put me back on the fence. WE have decided to be friends and nothing more ever ... or did you mean see how the friendship is sustained?

and Jay: i not only hope people will provide their input, but i encourage it. I am honestly asking for other perspectives here, just to make sure i wast being a complete arse. But obviously, if you dont want to, i wont force you, but its an open and free environment for anyone to say anything :)


Anonymous said...

You know what I mean, I think...hahaha...And I did get in a bit of opinion there!
Peace, my friend, and <3

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