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Wednesday, 27 April 2011

I miss ...

So my friend Joe(here) has a new boyfriend. And I am happy for him, I truly am! Its just ...

I cant help but be reminded of me and him. I’ve been thinking a lot about it and then I found out about this, and I thought even more about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want him back. What we had was great, but its in the past and I’m happy now.

Out of the phrase “what we had”, I miss the what not the we.

I miss sneaking kisses on the train. I miss holding hands all day long. I miss the secrecy of it all. I miss having something only the two of us knew about. I miss doing something with someone for the first time. I miss cuddling up together. I miss having someone to hold and to hold be back. I miss the gentle kisses we shared as our lips brushed against each others.

 I miss, I miss, I miss.

But then I’m left wondering why?!?!

Why didn’t it work. I mean, I know WHY, but the truth and the reason are two very distinct things.

He broke up because he didn’t want a relationship and I did. He just wanted some fun, but I couldn’t have ‘fun’ without it going somewhere because my heart would get broken that way. Simple solution, become ‘friends’ and loose the ‘benefits’.

But now he has a boyfriend and I’m here again wondering WHY?! As far as I;m aware he hasn’t exactly ‘played the field’, he’s not that type of person, so why did he not want to settle down with me, but all of a sudden want to with this other guy?

Come to think of it, why does no one want to settle down with me?!
Ok, so thats not completely true. I know one person who wants to be with me, but it wont work because it is long distance, he is WAY too young and it is very complicated. Not to mention he isn’t Peter.

Is there something wrong with me!?

I ask you good people of Blogger-land, tell me what is so repulsive about  myself that I literally repel everyone I come into close contact with!? Why am I so repugnant that I scare the living daylights out of strangers on the street. Why has the twisted hand of fate dealt me a hand of jokers?!



Wayne said...

You are certainly not a repulsive guy Jack lol! But teens are not noted for long and faithful sexual relationships. Maybe sometimes we give up too easily? You know the old cliche that getting a partner is like reeling in a big fish; it takes persistence and you need to slacken the line occasionally or it will break. Young guys like their freedom and they don't like being smothered. Friendship and having fun together, not necessarily sex, will cement the relationship better. Sometimes we make the mistake of trying to get our own way too much instead of agreeing with your partner or respecting his views, it's the old give-and-take that makes a relationship work. And some people are just plain shallow and you can do better than that. Keep looking around Jack cos Summer is coming up. I know how it feels. bfn - Wayne

naturgesetz said...



I mean no offense, but there is no reason for you to think that you are destined to be alone. The fact is that people come into our lives all the time. And people go out of our lives all the time. Sometimes people become our friends, and sometimes the relationship becomes more intimate. Sometimes these friendships endure all our lives, sometimes they do not.

But there is no set time for us to meet someone who can be with us for the long term. It can happen at any point from youth to old age. And that is why you cannot say that you are destined to be alone. Maybe you'll be alone for another two months or two years, or ten, twenty, or fifty years. But maybe at the end of however long it is, you'll meet someone who wants to be part of your life as much as you want to be part of his, and it will feel so good that it was worth the wait.

Meanwhile, there is no reason to despair. There is also no reason to make yourself unhappy by continuing to tell yourself that you are unhappy. Enjoy life as it is. Enjoy everything good that is in your life. Enjoy everything good that you do. Be patient. As the popular song fifty years ago said, "You can't hurry love."


Jack xx said...

Hey guys,

thanks for replying and i know what you mean. I shouldnt say i'm DESTINED to be alone. but it still doesnt mask the fact that its how i feel. Its just when i get thinking about how i'll ever get to meet a guy in the first place lol.

like, i'm not the kind of person to go flirting with every cute guy i see. to big a chance of rejection lol. But then if i know he is gay/bi and single, then i probably will flirt. But that still leaves the same problem ... where to meet him!

the only place i think i would be comfortable to flirt with and meet a guy, would be in a gay bar lol, and i havn't frequented them yet and probably wont for a while ... hence my dilema.

And Wayne, i know about not forcing relationships. With Joe, we basically were dating, jsut without the lable. We hung out and had fun etc. But he obviously didnt feel the same way, nothing i could do, but oh well.

Jack xx

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