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Wednesday, 27 April 2011

The Fence

Ok, so I’m really behind in my posting, but I wanted to do this as the post before I got the answer so they’d be together, but then things got in the way and stuff, so here they are together! Also,  I will say now that this post is a combination of FACT and OPINION! If I say it is what happened then it is fact, or if I say something like “makes me think” or “makes me feel” then that is opinion! Thanks lol x
So hopefully, that got your interest haha, but this is going WAY back to an old post (here) where I announced that Me and Peter had broke up.
Well since then I have felt kind of torn, because me and Peter have kept in contact but we have also said how much we love each other and wish we could be together, but then Peter says that we cant because of the distance. (which I feel is complete crap, as I was accepting and willing of ANYTHING! Like, if he had said he wanted another bf I would have said ok because I would have had him in my life so I find it a little difficult to believe that reason). But we went on and discussed it further anyway.

So basically I felt like I was being kept on the fence all the time. One moment I’m being told to move on and that we cant be together, and yet I couldn’t move on because he was saying how he loved me and wanted me back. Always on the fence, just a gentle breeze from tipping one way or another.
Eventually I said enough is enough and gave him an ultimatum: take me back now or else we will never be together again.
I know it sounds harsh ... never again ... but he had to know I was both serious and that he couldn’t just brush it off like last time. Where he just said ‘if we get back together then ok’. I could do that! Not again!
So I gave him the ultimatum (and I HATE giving ultimatums) and gave him roughly 2-3 weeks for his answer. No rush.

I will be honest now, in a way I didn’t really care what his answer was at this point, because I could either:
  • Move on and be happy.
  • We would get back together and be happy.
So I just needed his answer! I was incredibly tempted to just tell him NO ITS OVER FOEVER! Because I was certain of his answer and I hated being kept on that damn fence! But I couldn’t make the decision because then I would be left with the “what if ...” for the rest of my life. I had to at least give him the chance to have a say in it.

He didn’t.



In the end he got a bit upset and we had a little argument nad he ended it by saying that he will answer 20 questions honestly, no matter what.

But I only needed one (well two in the end).
This is our conversation:
Me: Do you have a min?
Peter: Yeah always have a min but no drama today
Me: sorry, thats probably about to change :(
Peter: Y
Me: well you know you said you'd give me 20 questions, well i only need one.
Peter: Ok, what it is?
Me: when we first started dating, i went out and bought something from the shop to remind me of you every time i used it. what was it?
Peter: You never told me about it
Me: I did, because they didnt do the right type, but it didnt stop me.
Peter: No you didn’t
Me: I did. its food. thats all i'm saying. although i have one more question after because this is simple now.
Peter: Food?
Me: Yes.
Peter: My mind isnt clickin
Me: the other question is, what was the first film we watched together
Peter: Toy Story 3
Me: You sure??
Peter: We tried watching others but never finished them
Me: did i ask for the first whole film, or the first film?
Peter: I sorry see i am crap bf not worth it
Me: dont be. i'm just interested to see if you can remember these mor subtle parts of our relationship and if they meant anything to you at all :'(
Peter: They did but to remember everything jack espeically right now when hi am stressed to hell is impossible
Me: yes, but its those hidden moments i was interested to see if you noticed. i know you cant remember everything but the way my hair fell isnt quite as substancial to me. and your not the only one who's stressed to hell :(
Peter: Ok well talk later hangin with bros
Me: ok. and keep thinking, the questions arnt over until you give up x have fun and i'm sorry xx
Peter: You are not and fine i give up
Me: K
Peter: I really love ya but yeah i am not doing this this will just lead to drama jack
Me: I really am sorry but its ok, i know all i need to know.
Peter: Good that i am not the bf you wanted? Even thought i did this instantly when i got the package
Me: did what?
Peter: The everything [placing presents/pictures/cards I send him around the room etc]
Me: and no, not because your not the bf i wanted, but that you never will be. If your not even going to bother thiking back over the 3 films we watched together, then i know this is goodbye to US, i gave you a chance, an ultematum and you didnt respond, so now i'm saying goodbye and i hope we can actually move on with our lives and can be friends. and i truely am sorry for ading drama to your drama-free day x
Peter: I guess thats how it has to be then
Me: at least its one less thing for you to stress over.


And thats it! I had to get a final answer and in the end I had to make it because he didn’t. I’m sure I over-reacted but this test had two parts to it:
  • To see if peter could remember those private and ore hidden moments that meant an incredible amount to me
  • To see how dedicated peter was to US

The second of which was the most important, and also hurt the most! He couldn’t be arsed to think back over the THREE films we watched together (only one fully) and let me know. I couldn’t be arsed to take some time and think. He just couldn’t be arsed! [Ok, well in accordance to my intro, I should state this is my opinion, but still, how else can I interpret it?!?!!]
So yh, me and Peter are officially OVER once and for all! No turning back! It still stings a lot and have cried numerous times since then, but at least now we can move on. I hope ...



Anonymous said...

I hope you both can move on. I love you both as friends, and want only the best for the two of you.

Sometimes, ultimatums are useful, usually they are not.

The best thing here is that you are both young, intelligent, good looking, lovable guys. You have nothing but the great future in front of you.

Long distance love is tough. I've blogged about my attempt at it. It ended in (near) tragedy. Well, tbh, the near tragedy was a month before the "end". But it's all the same. "True love" and all that...

I'm glad that you've both taken a mature track on this. You can absolutely be friends. Years after my break up, I visited that love, and she was was excited to see me as I was to see her. The same can prevail with you and Peter.

I was worried with your "hints" that this was a tragedy. But it's a new beginning. You know you can find someone out there. Someone close by.

You've got your whole life in front of you! Reach for the brass ring!

Peace <3

Kemptoo said...

It really hurts now, but over time it will get better.

Hang in there, it will get better :)

Stay well.

Wayne said...

I'll be frank Jack; you sounded really pushy demanding that he attach special meaning to some films you watched together and some other items. What is special is the conversation you have together and the feelings you share over time. I don't know why you guys just can't talk with each other about how your day is going, the problems you both have, and the friends you meet. Ultimatums, expectations, and demands will destroy friendships and love. Gratuitous sex is one thing, but real friendship and love is a much longer process with ups and downs along the way. When you and Peter talk it should be comforting and relieving, not a source of stress. Demanding unconditional love and faithfulness while separated by thousands of miles is being unrealistic. You guys should be faithfully talking with and supporting each other; you may actually meet sometime in the future (with your boy-friends!). bfn - Wayne (hugs)

Anonymous said...

to say the least i am sorry that it came out that i was not trying the way my mind works is not like nroaml peoples i remember everything and nothing at all i cant just recall like most people it has to be triggered and when i was talking to jack nothing was on my mind except stress and making my bros easter the best it could be i had also promised no phone that day and still broke the rules... i still cant remember the food or the movie and i am sorryfor that i wish i could but nothing rtriggers it i am have tried everythiing to Love<~Peter~>

Jack xx said...

Its ok Peter x u know now that i over-reacted and i'm sorry about that x but as i have said, it was more of the fact that yo ugave up.

But we're talked it through and i know that you find it difficult to remember.

Do you want me to prompt you? or just give up? x dont be sorry xx

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