IRONY's A BITCH!

Ok, so as anyone who is reading this should be aware, my friend recently died, so my next few posts will probably be about my friends and how we are coping.

So Today I found out how he actually died. Apparently, he was hit by a car on his way back from his girlfriend’s house when he was hit by a woman who was on drugs. She carried on her journey oblivious. (her house-sitter later forced her to return). He died on impact from a broken neck, leg and internal bleeding. I’m not sure if this was a good thing, as on the one had he dies quickly but on the other hand, he died. Until now I have been relatively calm and I have been the strong one of our group. But today that all changed.

I had to go to some of my lessons as the work we were doing was ESSENTIAL, so I went and did the work to the best of my ability, and then found my friends. Same as yesterday, they were all huddled in a small room, reminiscing and talking about him and his life. I spent most of the day with them. But at lunch I had to do a presentation for my EPQ (Extended Project Qualification), which I REALLY did not want to do, all things considered. But he had no open times on Monday – which was the deadline – so I had to do it then and there. Fortunately, I was prepared, just emotional, so I went up there and presented. Everyone said that it was really good, and the feedback from the teacher was surprising, but tbh I could tell that they were all being nice because if recent events. But I would do the same to them.

I decided to get signed out of my last lesson, despite having a test on Monday, as I knew that I could not concentrate, and everyone else wanted to leave and spend the day together. I agreed. It didn’t matter where we went, we mainly just sat in McDonalds, talking and sharing photo’s. When it was time to go, we all talked about going to the crash site tomorrow (well today), as it would have been his birthday. What made things worse was the fact that he was going to STAY at his girlfriend’s house, but he thought that his mum would be angry if he was late. Irony's a bitch!

So in the evenings, as I always do, I go to a youth club. Very few people actually knew about his death, despite it being on the BBC News, and others, so they did not know why me and a few others were upset. I mainly just hugged and looked after Lu, as she kept crying, which then set me off. I literally spent three hours crying tonight, and only just stopped to write this (although this is setting me off again lol). Fortunately, as she is a ‘leader’, she has her own set of keys, so we snuck of to the back room and cried privately, before I had to leave and walk home. Usually I walk back with two friends who live close by, but one was with his girlfriend (probably having sex) and the other ‘cba to go’, so I was alone ... AGAIN. Which meant that I cried, and cried and cried. I got home and surprise surprise, I was home alone, so I didn’t bother to cover up the fact that I had been crying and went online to talk to some people, which helped.

I don’t know how long things will be this sad and lonely, but we are all here for each other and love each other. So if any of you out there, ever want to talk (about death, sexuality, or even just the weather) just send me an email, or add me. I’m always here to help. The one and only benefit of his death is that he has brought us further together as a group ... he was always good at doing that

Jack xx