Why the fuck is it that no matter what I do, its never enough for anybody?!
I could spend the whole day cleaning and cooking, doing the laundry and scrubbing the floors, so that the house is spick and span, and when everyone gets home, I’ll still get a complaint!
Literally, every day when my dad gets home, he comes in and within 5 mins he is complaining that I didn’t clean something in the house. “You could have put away the dishes” is a common one ... completely disregarding the fact that I had already loaded the dishwasher with all of HIS dirty dishes, AND unleaded it, and the dishes I ‘failed’ to put away are my dishes that I had cleaned too! But ooooh no, thats not enough!
Then when he notices that I’m in a mood, to save himself an argument, he then passes on his ‘thanks’ for doing everything else.
Its SO frustrating!
I hate being the Cinderella of the family, but I have no ball to look forward to. Just the sweet relenting peace of sleep tat occasionally comes to me.
But oh no, its not my dad who’s been getting on my nerves today ... or his apprentice Ariel, no. Today it is my mother, who came over just moments ago for two reasons
- To give my sister a cheque
- To complain that I’m not doing enough around the house
The conversation went like this:
Mum: Here’s a cheque for Ariel from Granddad to help with her car [its’ been playing up lately]
Me: Oh ok, I’ll pass it on
Mum: And I hope you’ve been doing some stuff around the house the last couple of days [ie. Cleaning]
Me: Yeah
Mum: Because you are home a lot more then they are and the house should be spotless for when they come home haha
Me: I know
Mum: and a home cooked meal every once in a while would be nice to
Me: Ok mum .... shuts door
Ok, now I know it doesn’t sound that rude or offensive when its been written down, but you guys don’t know my mum.
Its clear that dad has been complaining to her that I’m not cleaning enough around the house ... which I could do more to be honest ... but its just the way she said it in that overly kind way, that you know its a cover-up to mask how someone wants to rant and rave and complain for hours!
My dad does it all the time. And then he’ll go on and on and on and on about it. And on.
So I’m used to it and you learn to just brush it off and not let it get to you.
But what did get to me, what the comment “and a home cooked meal every once in a while would be nice to” for one simple reason ...
Not only have I been cooking for myself for the last 3-4 months incredibly regularly (ie. “every once in a while” my dad cooks for me) but also I have been cooking for my sister about 4 times a week, and cooking for the whole family once a week as well. The other days are when I’m either volunteering or I’m going to a youth group and I don’t have time to cook dinner!
So for any of you out there who are mathematically challenged ... that makes me cooking for the ‘family’ 5/7 days a week, and I am not available to cook for the ‘family’ 2/7 days a week!
So yes ... it sounded kind of rude to close the door (there were some pleasantries exchanged ... however brief) but I was fuming at this stage and it was all I could do to not flip a lid!
I just get overlooked in my house! Another piece of furniture or a maid that you might say ‘hi’ to on your way out of the room past them. I am just someone to cook and clean to them, and yet my one purpose so it seems, I am still destined to fail!
I’m just a Cinderella with no ball to go to ...
Oh ... and in-case you were wondering ... I was supposed to be cooking a family meal tonight before my dad decided he wanted take-away.
8 comments:
Of course it stinks that your dad's first impulse is to criticize, and that your mum believes all his criticisms of you. Now that you've had time to blow off some steam so you won't explode at her, maybe it would help her understand the situation a bit better if you called her up and explained to her just how much cooking you do for the family. If all she ever hears are your dad's complaints, naturally she'll believe him. It's up to you to calmly set her straight.
You realize that you aren't perfect, and you can admit it to her at the same time you point out that you aren't as bad as your dad leads her to believe.
Maybe even sometime a heart-to-heart with your dad could help. Maybe it's just his personality to find fault first, and it will be almost impossible for him to change, but if you can calmly explain your feeling, it might help. Of course, you know him and have to decide whether such a conversation is even possible without making him angry. And it should ideally happen at a time when you are both in a reasonably pleasant mood.
Hang in there.
Pwhahahaha, where quite alike.
Well I do the cleaning round the house and help out mostly due to my dad being seriously ill but that's another issue. So when my mums stressed she'll have the little digs at me and tell me to do something I.e the bathroom which if it isn't sparkling its not good enough *sigh* My other siblings get away with murder (quite literally) I was probably borne with the word 'Sucker' written on my fore head.
Maybe Just point out what you have done, and argue your case which I normally do but if I've missed a spot my mums able to find it so might not be a good Idea.
Bless you Cinderella.
No ball. Maybe we should just hold our own, I'll make the cake if you fetch the drinks :P
Don't worry I always think when I'm out of here I an't coming back, but I probably will. "/
Stay Strong Dude, - Star
Jack
I'm fairly sure I understand why you're so angry about this: you're being taken for granted. You're already doing more than what I would judge to be your fair share of the cooking and other household duties - but what you do seems not to be appreciated, while what you don't do is cause for complaint.
I would echo naturgesetz's suggestions: I think it's time for some "difficult" discussions with your mother and father. You need to make your side of things clear, but not get anybody wound up because of it.
Take care
Mark
In 26 days you'll know if you're going to be 3 hours away, living on your own, or somewhat closer but still living on your own, so this type of thing will be one less to worry about. Then perhaps they will realize how much you do for them. I know this has been a point of friction for you for a long time...but the end of that tunnel is in sight.
It may also spur you to find part-time employment near your uni so that during breaks you can simply stay there (or nearby) and continue to live on your own.
What's a real shame is that your family simply doesn't know how to pay a compliment to you. I am positive this has contributed greatly to your mental state today. But again, just a couple of months left until a grand new adventure awaits you, Jack. Try to stay as positive as possible until then, buddy.
Peace <3
Jay
Thanks for all the support guys, but i'm affriad its not that simple.
If i talk to my mum, she'll have a massive blow-out and storm off or something. That, or she'll play the lack of contact 'card' and go on and on about how i dont talk to her enough. And even if she doesnt blow up, she'll appolagise and continue on asif nothing has changed.
As for my dad, he'll stick to his guns and continue on saying that i dont do enough and that i'm being sturburn as always because i believe i'm right. And believe me, when i say that i've tried talking to my dad! Last time i even thought it might work, he took it really seriously and we had a nice long convo, but the next day guess what ... nothing had changed!
Idk, i guess both my parents are just destined to ignore or criticise me and thats just the way its meant to be.
And i'm sorry about your dad and mum Star :( xx
Keep your cool Jack and just continue to do your part; keep in mind that your parents are dealing with their stressful work life. Don't be a target when they get home cos they want someone to unload on. Don't be seen on the couch watching the tube after they get back from a bad day at work. Play the game and anticipate. It sucks to be taken for granted and not be appreciated but they do more than they let on. - Wayne
If there is no point in talking to them, then I guess Jay's advice is best.
I think people do this criticism stuff at others
(a) when they're over tired
(b) when they're guilty about how little they do
Going away is by far the best thing - providing you don't have to do all the same clearing up when you get back coz nobody else has lifted a finger.
Actually I think we all get pissed off with it if we're the ones doing most of the work and not getting due thanks for it.
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