My Problems Part 3

Yes, there is a third instalment. But this should be my last as ... well, I can’t think of anything else lol.
...

So this all began years and years ago, back when I was a little child. I have already mentioned how I turned to food as a source of comfort and relief from day-to-day life; but I haven’t really talked about the impact this had on me. I was always a big child, and when I started this I became a huge child! It got to the point where every day after school I would go to the local shops and buy two BIG packets of crisps for £1. And these are not normal sized crisps, and when I say big, I don’t mean big-normal packets, I mean HUGE! Haha. But fortunately my metabolism kicked in and I didn’t gain any more weight ... I just didn’t lose it. I had asthma and hated exercise with a passion, so I was constantly big. I was picked on a lot as a child, and always felt like an outcast.

Well over the years I tried a multitude of different diets and regimes but none of them worked. And then one day I got the courage to try some diet pills: they worked; but they cost a fortune and I couldn’t afford this. But as they were meal-supplements I got this crazy idea to reduce what I ate, or even stop. But I didn’t carry this out... I was amazed; and by now I had trained my body not to be hungry anymore, so I didn’t have to work, although I chose to. I knew (and still do) that this was ridiculously unhealthy for my body and that I would just put this weight back on after I stop this stupid thing; but I loved the results too much, and was never hungry anymore. I always find excuses why I can’t eat. Breakfast I am either “late to college” or I will “eat when I get there” but never do; lunchtime “I am too busy to eat” but dinner is the most complicated. I used to eat about 3 meals a week because my parents kept moaning that I ate too much junk food (my excuses often revolved around take-out) ... ironic.

But my family soon realised a change in me ... not only was I losing weight (to my delight) but I also seemed more confident and  outgoing. It is at the stage where if i wear my old trousers, while going up the stairs, they litterally fall down around my feet. The only problem was that this did little to change my parents belief in me. When I lost enough weight to go down a shirt size, they didn’t believe me and insisted that I buy one too big because “it wouldn’t fit”, even though it would, and that “I might put the weight back on” which I haven’t. The only problem I found was that I had fucked up my body quite a lot, and I now find it hard to be hungry or eat. I lose my appetite quickly and even little things can put me off; so that there are days where I simply forget to eat.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not skinny or anywhere near it, but that’s the thing about anorexia, it affects everyone. The young, the old, the thin the fat: they’re all the same, its just that people only pick up on the stick-thin people. I am proud to say that I am eating more, and eat dinner almost every night. I know this is not amazing, but it is a lot for me, and is a big step in making sure I don’t damage my body too much more. As always I would not recomend this to anyone! Sure it may make you thinner, but at what cost? So I beg you PLEASE! don't do this to yourself and those around you x

 

So that is me. I am a sickly, depressed, OCD, overly cautious and easily up-settable anorexic ... who is fat, sad, alone and pedantic about the world. Ironic isn’t it?

Jack xx