WHY?!

Ok, so my lappy is still broken and is going to cost £300 + to fix (or for all of you amazing american people $500 + ), so i am quickly going to write this on the home computer. Risky, but i dont care. I'm seriously getting Blogger Withdrawl, haha, and Peter withdrawl ... but thats another story.

So life has been pretty boring lately, lack of work to do and lack of social life makes Jack a dull boy. But me and my lovely Peter have started to sort things out: we new know when the other is on, email, blog, diary (another stroy lol) but we are still experimenting. I just hate that i have to put him through this. If i could say goodbye and let him move on i would (thats how bad i feel) but i just cant bring myself to do it, i love him too much. And i just want him to realise that i do love him. I mean i really do. I think i am falling for the most perfect boy in the world, and i even cried earlier because i cant have him. I cant hold him in my arms, kiss him goodnight, even just look at his eyes in person. Its always through a screen. It feels like i am looking through someone else's eyes ...

Each moment i'm away from him, i die a little inside ... but he brings be back to life with his smiles



So on top of all of that, my dad and mum are arguing over the cost of fixing my lappy. I know i will inevitably sound rude, selfish and ungreatful, but my mum is refusing to pay as it is too much. She believes that i dont need it, even thjough i do :( Apparently i was charging it on a too high voltage (univeral charger where i can change it) but i swear i charged it on 20?! I am so confused!? did i? didnt i? and so they are fighting about me in front of me and i just want to cry :(

And if i dont get it fixed now, then i would have to choose: lappy or Peter. I know what yall are thinking ... IT HAS TO BE PETER!!! and you are right ... but also wrong. I could fix the lappy and talk to peter every night but it wouldnt be in person; or i could go and see him in person, but for only 2 weeks. See my dylema? I jsut feel like breaking down right here. I'm breaking up my family, hardly ever got to see Peter, and i also have to lie about him to most people: and now all of my 'problems' are starting to act up because of it, i just cant handle it!!! WHY did this have to happen?!


So i am just going to climb into bed, think about my lover (whom i love imensly!!! Will post about him soon x) and have a good old cry ...
- Ttyl, a Distressed Jack xx