So its my nan's birthday today ... RIP
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
An Active Service
So i've been reading this book that has been sat on my shelf for a good few years and i've finally gotten around to reading it.
This is a really good summary of the book (taken from the inside cover) but it does leave out some interesting things, such as:
Sid even went on to find the love of his life in 1940 and after 11 long years of being deployed and short stays with Pat and her two sons, he eventually proposed to her. They eventually moved to Lybia in 1953, before settling back into a civillian life near to london some years later.
Sid had a long and full life, dying suddenly in October 2002, at the age of 85.
“An Active Service traces the story of a young Sid Dowland from civilian life into the tough environment of the Guards Depot in the 1930s and then on to a Guards Service Battalion in London and pre-war Egypt. The outbreak of war finds Sid taking part in the retreat to Dunkirk and then service in North Africa before volunteering for the SAS. Captures after a disastrous raid in Sardinia, he escapes from the Prisoner of War Camp in Italy before making it back to England. The end of the war does not signal peace, as the Guards are sent into action in Palestine and subsequently to the jungles of Malaya, where sis finds that his SAS experience is in great demand.”
This is a really good summary of the book (taken from the inside cover) but it does leave out some interesting things, such as:
- It was due to hs platoon (the Second Battalion) that they re-titled a hill near Eweibid Station, 'Grenadier Hill';
- Sid was the only person who failed to light his firework in the middle of the Corination paraid in Alexandria;
- He even got transferred to the First Batallion and was permitted to drive into the Royal Palaces many times;
- He was personally inspected by 2 different kings during his first two years,
- When he returned form Egypt he was permitted leave to visit his famil, where unfortunately his dad died two days later of pneumonia
Sid even went on to find the love of his life in 1940 and after 11 long years of being deployed and short stays with Pat and her two sons, he eventually proposed to her. They eventually moved to Lybia in 1953, before settling back into a civillian life near to london some years later.
Sid had a long and full life, dying suddenly in October 2002, at the age of 85.
I still remember him in the hospital, my great-grandfather ... the war hero ...
Regrets
Since i was a child, aged about 7, i had wanted to be a writer. Despite constantly changing what career i wanted to go into, i knew that in a perfect world, i would be a writer.
I wanted to bing some joy to others that i had felt when i read books. I wanted people to see my work and read it over and over again, like the likes of C.S. Lewis. I wanted people to remember me.
I decided to write a series of books about the childhood games that i used to play with my best friend. I spent years perfecting the story arc and coming up with names, writing and re-writing them and finaly i began to produce something of passable quality.
My first novel Life by Moonlight was born.
You see, this was going to be my legacy. I knew that as long as i completed at least this novel, that i had been planning since i was such a small child, then i could leave this world happy.
I would have produced somehting that might influence someone. If just one child picked up my book and liked it, perhaps teaching them something along the way, then my life-long goal would be complete.
For you see, i dont have regrets, i dont believe in them. But i do have things that i want to do in my life and things i would ordinarily be upset by if they never came true.
I mean, as i write this, i know the chanced of me completing this novel are steadily growing slimmer, and before a few weeks ago i would have been really upset. This one thing that i wanted to leave behind for others to see and remember me by would be lost along with me.
But i realised that i do have something that i've left behind for others to remember me by. Yes, there is the whole lovey-dovey stuff about memories and love and all that, but i mean stuff that people who dont know me or wont know me, may have the chance to.
My blog.
This blog has documented most of my thoughts, fears and wishes for the last 10 months. I have poured my soul into this blog and i hope it shows. This IS who i am, and it will be here long after i'm gone. Most people ownt know it is there, but hidden within there is advice for those who need it, a lgiht for those who are lost and inspiration for those who lack it.
No, i dont have regrets, but i hope ... i leave a memory behind me.
I wanted to bing some joy to others that i had felt when i read books. I wanted people to see my work and read it over and over again, like the likes of C.S. Lewis. I wanted people to remember me.
I decided to write a series of books about the childhood games that i used to play with my best friend. I spent years perfecting the story arc and coming up with names, writing and re-writing them and finaly i began to produce something of passable quality.
My first novel Life by Moonlight was born.
You see, this was going to be my legacy. I knew that as long as i completed at least this novel, that i had been planning since i was such a small child, then i could leave this world happy.
I would have produced somehting that might influence someone. If just one child picked up my book and liked it, perhaps teaching them something along the way, then my life-long goal would be complete.
For you see, i dont have regrets, i dont believe in them. But i do have things that i want to do in my life and things i would ordinarily be upset by if they never came true.
I mean, as i write this, i know the chanced of me completing this novel are steadily growing slimmer, and before a few weeks ago i would have been really upset. This one thing that i wanted to leave behind for others to see and remember me by would be lost along with me.
But i realised that i do have something that i've left behind for others to remember me by. Yes, there is the whole lovey-dovey stuff about memories and love and all that, but i mean stuff that people who dont know me or wont know me, may have the chance to.
My blog.
This blog has documented most of my thoughts, fears and wishes for the last 10 months. I have poured my soul into this blog and i hope it shows. This IS who i am, and it will be here long after i'm gone. Most people ownt know it is there, but hidden within there is advice for those who need it, a lgiht for those who are lost and inspiration for those who lack it.
No, i dont have regrets, but i hope ... i leave a memory behind me.
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Innocence
So i was cleaning out my bedroom when i came across two finger pupets that i made when i was a child, with my nan.
This was quite a while ago, when i had a finger puppet stage and everything, and i carried it arround everywhere!
I used to make my family sit through hours of my little plays, or even jsut doing them on my own. I had always been a creative child and here was a way for me to get out all of the different stories and ideas going arround in my head.
My nan noticed this and one day she decided that we would make out own ...
She was an excelent sewer and she did most of the sewing on mine, but she taught me from a young age so i did some and designed it etc. We even used some hair from a clown's wig she had, so that we could get the colours.
She really was amazing ...
And i remember another time, way way WAY back when i was a kid, me and my sisters stayed over her house one night and it was one of my most prized memories because, it seemed so perfect and so innocent, that i can barely recapture any of it.
What i mean by this that, i was at that age where although i remember what happened nearly perfectly, and i could remember how it looked and felt, i cant fully picture it nowdays. If i went to their house (which has barely changed) it just feels ... different.
I've grown up and the innocent and magic of that time and that memoery, is forever trapped there.
I remember painting a bowl of fruit in her kitchen just as the day started to wind to a close and the light was fading. Apples, a bannana, a pear, an orange towards the front. Me and my sisters sat at her table, painting the bowl that was on the end of her kitchen counter.
I remember going to get ready for bed and brushign my teeth. Running down their hallway to their WC, back when their toilet was in a seperate room to their sink ... before the renovation.
I remember sitting about a foot away from the television set as we all sat down and watched Stars in their Eyes. Me, then Ariel, then Ursula, nan and grandad say against the other side of the living room, watching us just as much as the program. I dont remember who sang or who they sang as, that part is forever lost, i just remember being so happy there, so innocent, so naive.
Then we would rush arround the place trying to not go to bed, pretending we wern't tired, before finnally being put to bed in her dining room on the floor. My sisters next to the stairs and me next to the raidiator, talking into the late-night. Kitchen light being left on to permiate the darkness, guiding us.
You see, these times in our lives change. Sure the memories stay the same, some lost and some imortalised, but as you grow older, as you loose your innocence, you are left hollow. Full of these memories that you can picture perfectly and remember how they feel, but at a loss as to why the present feels so completely different.
The magic of the world leaves you ...
This was quite a while ago, when i had a finger puppet stage and everything, and i carried it arround everywhere!
I used to make my family sit through hours of my little plays, or even jsut doing them on my own. I had always been a creative child and here was a way for me to get out all of the different stories and ideas going arround in my head.
My nan noticed this and one day she decided that we would make out own ...
 |
| Mine and my nan's |
She really was amazing ...
And i remember another time, way way WAY back when i was a kid, me and my sisters stayed over her house one night and it was one of my most prized memories because, it seemed so perfect and so innocent, that i can barely recapture any of it.
What i mean by this that, i was at that age where although i remember what happened nearly perfectly, and i could remember how it looked and felt, i cant fully picture it nowdays. If i went to their house (which has barely changed) it just feels ... different.
I've grown up and the innocent and magic of that time and that memoery, is forever trapped there.
I remember painting a bowl of fruit in her kitchen just as the day started to wind to a close and the light was fading. Apples, a bannana, a pear, an orange towards the front. Me and my sisters sat at her table, painting the bowl that was on the end of her kitchen counter.
I remember going to get ready for bed and brushign my teeth. Running down their hallway to their WC, back when their toilet was in a seperate room to their sink ... before the renovation.
I remember sitting about a foot away from the television set as we all sat down and watched Stars in their Eyes. Me, then Ariel, then Ursula, nan and grandad say against the other side of the living room, watching us just as much as the program. I dont remember who sang or who they sang as, that part is forever lost, i just remember being so happy there, so innocent, so naive.
Then we would rush arround the place trying to not go to bed, pretending we wern't tired, before finnally being put to bed in her dining room on the floor. My sisters next to the stairs and me next to the raidiator, talking into the late-night. Kitchen light being left on to permiate the darkness, guiding us.
You see, these times in our lives change. Sure the memories stay the same, some lost and some imortalised, but as you grow older, as you loose your innocence, you are left hollow. Full of these memories that you can picture perfectly and remember how they feel, but at a loss as to why the present feels so completely different.
The magic of the world leaves you ...
Life by Moonlight: Part 6
Last Time:
Then after a short while, they emerged in the shadow of a giant willow. Will remembered playing around the base as a child and made him think that even the oldest of things can have new life in them. With some help. Merchants had been welcomed here centuries ago, and had stayed in the same spot, year after year. The giant spindly arms caressed the tops of the wagons, parked beneath. Crisp white, striped with an earthy green, as the leaves tumbled down the branches, desperately trying to reach the warm embrace of the ground. Laughter filled the air as young children ran and played in the local fields of lavender. The sent flowing, and mixing with the ash of the cooking fire.
Then after a short while, they emerged in the shadow of a giant willow. Will remembered playing around the base as a child and made him think that even the oldest of things can have new life in them. With some help. Merchants had been welcomed here centuries ago, and had stayed in the same spot, year after year. The giant spindly arms caressed the tops of the wagons, parked beneath. Crisp white, striped with an earthy green, as the leaves tumbled down the branches, desperately trying to reach the warm embrace of the ground. Laughter filled the air as young children ran and played in the local fields of lavender. The sent flowing, and mixing with the ash of the cooking fire.
...
The small group was warmly welcomed in a bustle of motion, and were soon consumed by children. They immediately stopped their games, to investigate the strangers approaching. They were not fearful and scared, because it was not the travellers’ way. From a young age they had been trained in several fields of expertise and had learnt who they could trust, this was an important life skill. The children simply wondered over to the group and led them into the centre of camp. Although valliens were a rare sight, to be seen this far within enemy lines, they were greeted by waves and smiles, from the travellers. The occasional passer by, ventured over and welcomed the three, but the majority of the camp continued on with their daily chores. Eventually they made it to the small glade that Eoghen’s wagon was situated. It was right at the back of the camp, backed up against the trunk of the eternal tree. Bathed in a flickering emerald light, it seemed homely and familiar to the friends.
The interior was cramped but cosy, and reflected the travellers way of life. The walls were constructed of drawers and hidden compartments. . It meant that everything needed was close at hand, while nothing fell during transport To anyone alien to their way of life, this might look cluttered and confusing, but Will and Aurora quickly learnt their way around the wagon. . The covers were painted a bright yellow, in a failed attempt to make them less noticeable There was clutter everywhere, boxed and crated were stacked at the side, while cages and other objects hung precariously from the ceiling. The only furniture in the room was a bed, covered in blankets and tucked away in one corner. It was evident that its function was for both entertaining and for sleeping, but this was common. Fine tapestries and carpets were draped on the walls and floor, adding a personal touch, to this otherwise emotionless room. Some of the rugs were piled up near the bed, as extra seating for when there was company. The scented warm air reminded the group of a warm summers evening and of times long gone.
They talked late into the night, till the stars shone like beacons to the world below. Then when at last they went to leave, they said their goodbyes and emerged under the star filled canopy of leaves. The air was cool now and everything was covered in a silver blanket, from the moons light. The night was refreshing, like many were at this time of year, and the two friends walked home in silence, thinking over what has been said that night.
Will crept in later on. The giant oak door creaked on its hinges and echoed throughout the silent house. The fire had been extinguished, long ago and the air had since had gained a chill. Only the strike of his boots, hitting the wooden floor, was audible and soon even that sound was silenced.
It crept through the undergrowth, searching, chasing, hunting. Inch by inch, it stalked forward, hunched over in the darkness. Clouds obscured the moon and cast a shadow over the valley floor. The air was abnormally cold and the woods as silent. There was no life around the half-human creature. It was as if it was sucking the life out of everything. The sounds usually found within the woodland were strangely absent and nothing stirred. The air was stale and had the distinct odour of death about it. The ground was hard and frosty beneath him. Then, with a sudden bolt of its head, it was off. It didn’t run, as so much floated, forwards. The trees rushed past, as the creature advanced. Certain on its prey and unveering, it rushed on. It broke free of the tees and emerged into the streets. Houses on either side, the creature proceed. Suddenly, the creature was inside a house. It didn’t know where it was, or why it was there, it knew only one thing. To kill whatever it found inside. The stares were behind it as it moved down the corridor, certain on its course. Then it came up against a large oak door that opened instantly. It emerged in a small room that had one door leading off of it, but this was unimportant. The creature was only interested in the pile of blankets, in the corner. As the creature approached, the mass of sheets turned and a face appeared. He looked familiar, to the creature, like a distorted memory, but this was soon forgotten. Two pointed ears were visible underneath a mass of dark brown hair. The creature lent forward, as if to whisper something, and –
Will sat upright at an instant. Sweat covered his body, glistening in the light and streaking down his back. His eyes were wide and frantic, searching his surroundings for any sign of life. It felt like his heart was about to be ripped out of his chest, as the beats softened back down to a humble throb. But he was used to these dreams; he was used to long hours in the night where sleep would evade him. Hours of searching for the ever-elusive dreariness that would inevitable claim his havocked body. But sill, this dream felt different. He had never seen the other side of these dreams. Each time he experienced these abnormal dreams, he was himself, free to act and feel as himself, but this time was different. He felt trapped and constrained. Required to do someone else’s bidding. But worse. He had wanted to. That blood-thirst and fury he had felt were his own. He was not a captive in his dream. He was the capturer.
***
The slanted rays of springtime beamed down into the valley on a beautiful day as always; perfect blue shy unmasked by anything. ‘Yes, today was going to be perfect’ Will thought to himself as he wondered through the valley greeting the neighbours he had known all his life. Mrs Parthol, Aliceina Broben, Old man Wolfam, kind greetings gently passed amongst one another and the occasional wondering comment as to his family and farm but nothing substantial. Mostly all conversations were about the big festival that was held in the valley once a year, a time for joy and laughter enjoyed by all, to celebrate the onslaught of summer. The days grew longer, the nights warmer and then the work really began in the valley as most of its inhabitants were small time specialist farmers. Sure the summer had, gruelling, back breaking work but it provided enough sustenance to support a family and enough spare to sell at the farmers market. It was a huge town celebration in the centre of the valley, encasing the river crystal, that was the sustainer and supporter for the valleymen. Huge banners ran down the dirt paths following in the footsteps of the humble homes of the village, colour awash, everywhere people’s senses were overpowered: delicious scents from the dozens of kitchens baking the morning away, swirls of bright unnatural colours towering above the people as the banners cascaded from building to building, children laughing and singing in the distance drawing people towards the crowds and the festival.
Yes. Today was going to be perfect ...
Television
I've always watched childish television programes.
I can't help it. Its just what i do.
Not everyone understands why i watch the shows i do, some think its strange, others think its abnormal and well, some agree with me haha.
Now, dont get me wrong, i'm not talking about Barney, teletubbies or the tweenies. No, i'm talking about Pokemon, Digimon, Blabelade (for a short period), Yu-Gi-Oh, Naruto etc
Yes, these shows are marketed towards children, but so what if i like watching them. My family doesnt understand why, not many people do, but i have my own reasons, even if no one bothers asking for them.
I watch them because they remind me of happier times.
I can pretend i'm a child again, responsibility free and all that
Its an easy escape from my life ...
I can't help it. Its just what i do.
Not everyone understands why i watch the shows i do, some think its strange, others think its abnormal and well, some agree with me haha.
Now, dont get me wrong, i'm not talking about Barney, teletubbies or the tweenies. No, i'm talking about Pokemon, Digimon, Blabelade (for a short period), Yu-Gi-Oh, Naruto etc
Yes, these shows are marketed towards children, but so what if i like watching them. My family doesnt understand why, not many people do, but i have my own reasons, even if no one bothers asking for them.
I watch them because they remind me of happier times.
I can pretend i'm a child again, responsibility free and all that
Its an easy escape from my life ...
Monday, 15 August 2011
Coral
So it is only a matter of time before my family come across my blog, so this post may take a slightly different form than usual.
As i mentioned yesterday, my dad has a new girlfriend called Coral. They have been dating for quite a long time (about 6 months i think) and have gotten kind of serious ... even if they dont addmit it.
She is a lovely woman and i do enjoy her company, but there has been something that has been bugging me more and more lately.
Why is it that adults now days feel they must over-react and over-analyse situations when "ex's" are involved?!
My mum left us about a year ago ... well jsut over ... and although they are not divorced, they are separated and have been for the whole time.
Their marriage was on the rocks for like the last 5 years until my mum couldnt take it any more and left. Now, Coral has been divorced for about 10 years and she really does not like her ex husband so they dont get along.
But mine do!
They were married for 25 years and were best friends for most of it, and try to stay friends even now. And yes there is the whole debate over their histroy and 'will they get back together' that occassionally creeps up, but that is usually just hypothetical.
I mean, yes the ideal of father-mother reunion is always an ideal fairy tale but lets be honest ... it IS a fairy tale. The fact is, my mum missed the single life and didnt like the responsibilities she had so she tried to drop them as much as posible, and that wont change. Her feelings towards my dad wont change either, but they arn't perfect anyway.
Now that the history is over, here comes the frustrating part...
Although Coral is a great woman, i have noticed her changing my dad over time. Only little things revolving arround my mum but it is there ever pressent, and this has a changing affect on my mum too
Coral is a combination of jealous, insecure and paranoid in relatively smallish doses, but its enough.
Like, it began when we went for a celebration (i forget why) where my dad and mum went for a drink, and Coal got upset because "[she] doesnt go drinking with [her] ex husband?!" ... which is true. they dont like each other nor get on, but my parents do! So if they want to stay friends and have a celebratory drink then go ahead!
... come to think of it, i think the celebration was for me winning a couple of awards in Media Studies ... they went drinking without me.
Anyway, Coral threw a bit of a wobbly so now my dad doesnt really go anywhere with my mum on his own. But they do hang out at family events because Coral said thats the only time she really spends with her ex.
Fair enough!
So that happened, then she started to get upset that they were doing this! I mean, i understand that she is worried that they will get back together and that, but coome-on! He is in a relationship with her! You cant force someone to like you by restricting their contact with other people!
To be honest, if he is going to get back with m mum, i'm sure stopping him seeing her at a few events is going to change much.
Now once again, i am not upset at her for doing this because well i would probably try to do someting simmilar. What she is feeling is natural enough and she really is a lovely woman as is mu mum.
What i dont like is that my dad doesnt stand up to her.
He doesnt turn arround and say "actually, i am going to see my ex wife at family events and if you dont like that then i'm sorry" because he shouldnt have to change someting like this for anyone.
No one should.
My dad doesnt want to stand up to her on something like this in case he scares her away. But i think he should because that would either strengthen a brilliant relationship, or break up and crappy one. If someone is going to leave you because they cant trust you for no reason, then you shouldnt be with that person to begin with.
Now there is my dad and mum who come over and spend some time with each other or with us and they always end it with "but lets not tell Coral i was here"
They do it for the right reasons and they are happy to do it (i think) but at the same time it still isn't right. I mean, my mum came over to help us clean the other day and we arnt supposed to say that she helped.
WHY NOT?!
Is it a crime for out mother to come over and help us clean? It has absoloutely no relavence to Coral or her relationship with m father!
So Dad, Mum, Coral Ariel, Ursula ... i'm sorry if this upsets you when you read this, i really am. This is just me venting to the world something private and trying to provide a bit of help to others in this situation.
Stand up for what you believe in, no matter how small or comprimising. If you are having to change who you are or lie to others to prevent someone's feelings being hurt, then think carefully about what you are actually comprimising.
I know i made Coral out to be the bad guy in this and i am also sorry for that. I did not mean to, that is just how the story came out. I will repeat that she is a wonderful woman who is not some possessive and controling bitch, she is a warm hearted person who is slightly insecure. She is not the villain in this. There is no villain.
Just some people i am dissapointed in...
As i mentioned yesterday, my dad has a new girlfriend called Coral. They have been dating for quite a long time (about 6 months i think) and have gotten kind of serious ... even if they dont addmit it.
She is a lovely woman and i do enjoy her company, but there has been something that has been bugging me more and more lately.
Why is it that adults now days feel they must over-react and over-analyse situations when "ex's" are involved?!
My mum left us about a year ago ... well jsut over ... and although they are not divorced, they are separated and have been for the whole time.
Their marriage was on the rocks for like the last 5 years until my mum couldnt take it any more and left. Now, Coral has been divorced for about 10 years and she really does not like her ex husband so they dont get along.
But mine do!
They were married for 25 years and were best friends for most of it, and try to stay friends even now. And yes there is the whole debate over their histroy and 'will they get back together' that occassionally creeps up, but that is usually just hypothetical.
I mean, yes the ideal of father-mother reunion is always an ideal fairy tale but lets be honest ... it IS a fairy tale. The fact is, my mum missed the single life and didnt like the responsibilities she had so she tried to drop them as much as posible, and that wont change. Her feelings towards my dad wont change either, but they arn't perfect anyway.
Now that the history is over, here comes the frustrating part...
Although Coral is a great woman, i have noticed her changing my dad over time. Only little things revolving arround my mum but it is there ever pressent, and this has a changing affect on my mum too
Coral is a combination of jealous, insecure and paranoid in relatively smallish doses, but its enough.
Like, it began when we went for a celebration (i forget why) where my dad and mum went for a drink, and Coal got upset because "[she] doesnt go drinking with [her] ex husband?!" ... which is true. they dont like each other nor get on, but my parents do! So if they want to stay friends and have a celebratory drink then go ahead!
... come to think of it, i think the celebration was for me winning a couple of awards in Media Studies ... they went drinking without me.
Anyway, Coral threw a bit of a wobbly so now my dad doesnt really go anywhere with my mum on his own. But they do hang out at family events because Coral said thats the only time she really spends with her ex.
Fair enough!
So that happened, then she started to get upset that they were doing this! I mean, i understand that she is worried that they will get back together and that, but coome-on! He is in a relationship with her! You cant force someone to like you by restricting their contact with other people!
To be honest, if he is going to get back with m mum, i'm sure stopping him seeing her at a few events is going to change much.
Now once again, i am not upset at her for doing this because well i would probably try to do someting simmilar. What she is feeling is natural enough and she really is a lovely woman as is mu mum.
What i dont like is that my dad doesnt stand up to her.
He doesnt turn arround and say "actually, i am going to see my ex wife at family events and if you dont like that then i'm sorry" because he shouldnt have to change someting like this for anyone.
No one should.
My dad doesnt want to stand up to her on something like this in case he scares her away. But i think he should because that would either strengthen a brilliant relationship, or break up and crappy one. If someone is going to leave you because they cant trust you for no reason, then you shouldnt be with that person to begin with.
Now there is my dad and mum who come over and spend some time with each other or with us and they always end it with "but lets not tell Coral i was here"
They do it for the right reasons and they are happy to do it (i think) but at the same time it still isn't right. I mean, my mum came over to help us clean the other day and we arnt supposed to say that she helped.
WHY NOT?!
Is it a crime for out mother to come over and help us clean? It has absoloutely no relavence to Coral or her relationship with m father!
So Dad, Mum, Coral Ariel, Ursula ... i'm sorry if this upsets you when you read this, i really am. This is just me venting to the world something private and trying to provide a bit of help to others in this situation.
Stand up for what you believe in, no matter how small or comprimising. If you are having to change who you are or lie to others to prevent someone's feelings being hurt, then think carefully about what you are actually comprimising.
I know i made Coral out to be the bad guy in this and i am also sorry for that. I did not mean to, that is just how the story came out. I will repeat that she is a wonderful woman who is not some possessive and controling bitch, she is a warm hearted person who is slightly insecure. She is not the villain in this. There is no villain.
Just some people i am dissapointed in...
