My Personality

So Peter did this test (Love you Baby!) and so i thought that i would too; so here are my results:

Introverted (I) 79%	Extraverted (E) 21%
Intuitive (N) 86%	Sensing (S) 14%
Feeling (F) 55%	Thinking (T) 45%
Judging (J) 73%	Perceiving (P) 27%

http://www.personalitypage.com/relationships.html

INFJs are warm and affirming people who are usually also deep and complex. They're likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful. They tend to be perfectionists, and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship. For the most part, this is a positive feature, but sometimes works against the INFJ if they fall into the habit of moving from relationship to relationship, always in search of a more perfect partner. In general, the INFJ is a deeply warm and caring person who is highly invested in the health of their close relationships, and puts forth a lot of effort to make them positive. They are valued by those close to them for these special qualities. They seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don't always find them.

• Warm and affirming by nature
• Dedicated to achieving the ultimate relationship
• Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings
• Usually have good communication skills, especially written
• Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships

•  Tendency to hold back part of themselves
• Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
• Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
• Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship

INFJs are warm, considerate partners who feel great depth of love for their partners; it's very important to them that their mates are happy. Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, INFJ's natural partner is the ENTP or the ENFP. (Please not that Peter is an ENFP ... desitny? coincidence? or jsut plain perfect?!)

Ttyl, Jack

P.S. Lappy is fixed. Picking it up in about 4 hours

Peter

Quick bit about my day so far:
I am REALLY pissed off at my gourpmates for this filming thing i have to do. I am the only one doing work and they keep mucking up! Like we all knew what the costume was, but no one thought to tell the actor to wear the same clothes or bring in a tie or anything, so now we have to refilm parts of it!!! Then my whole family and friends are pushing me about who i am dating (Facebook told them) but i cant tell them about him just yet (although i REALLY want to) but i hate lying about Peter :( And finaly: ANOTHER one of my firends was hit by a car :'( I make that 3 in the last month ... FML ... i am just bad luck :( so look out Peter xx
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So i havent done a post about Peter yet ... JUST about Peter: so here it goes ...

We met via blogger and got talking one day. Originally i found it strange how friendly he was and how open he seemed to be, but i soon realised just how friendly and genuine he really was. He opened himself up to me within the first few minutes of meeting me, and it was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. He was kind, gentle and giving, always open to learning new things and i loved him for it. Almsot immmediately i felt that initial spark, i liked him, a lot. But this kind of scared me as we couldnt be together (different continents ... and all that!) and i was afriad to acknowledge my true feelings, or the extent of them, but i am not any more. Peter ... I LOVE YOU! and i mean that from the bottom of my heart x




I just love the way that he fiddles with his braces, and the way it drives me insane. The way that he is weight and image conceous, where he can't sit still for too long or he gets fidgety ... and yet he still does it for over 2 hours a day with me :) How he looks first thing in the morning or lastthing at night, makes my heart soar. Even the way how he reacts when i put to many X's at the end of a sentance (I know this bugs you but i just try to think of it as a word formation of my emotions haha). I know that he used to be a bt premiscuous and i accepted it and it made him unique, but we are now in a closed relationship and i love him all the more for ignoring those urges (although he has my permission) and for wanting to be with me. I love him.

But this is where my fears and worries come from. I want him to complete his GED and get good grades for the future. I dont want him to have annonymous sex so he can be 'safe' as well as safe, and i worry each time he is not online in case the worst has happened. I worry that he has and will find someone better than me. I fear that he will find happyness without me and with someone he can reach out and touch. Each time he says he has something to talk about, or that he "has felt everything for someone" i automatically think that it is over and he has moved on. I love him and he has moved on. This is my fear. This is what keeps me up at night. This is me.

Jack xx

WHY?!

Ok, so my lappy is still broken and is going to cost £300 + to fix (or for all of you amazing american people $500 + ), so i am quickly going to write this on the home computer. Risky, but i dont care. I'm seriously getting Blogger Withdrawl, haha, and Peter withdrawl ... but thats another story.

So life has been pretty boring lately, lack of work to do and lack of social life makes Jack a dull boy. But me and my lovely Peter have started to sort things out: we new know when the other is on, email, blog, diary (another stroy lol) but we are still experimenting. I just hate that i have to put him through this. If i could say goodbye and let him move on i would (thats how bad i feel) but i just cant bring myself to do it, i love him too much. And i just want him to realise that i do love him. I mean i really do. I think i am falling for the most perfect boy in the world, and i even cried earlier because i cant have him. I cant hold him in my arms, kiss him goodnight, even just look at his eyes in person. Its always through a screen. It feels like i am looking through someone else's eyes ...

Each moment i'm away from him, i die a little inside ... but he brings be back to life with his smiles



So on top of all of that, my dad and mum are arguing over the cost of fixing my lappy. I know i will inevitably sound rude, selfish and ungreatful, but my mum is refusing to pay as it is too much. She believes that i dont need it, even thjough i do :( Apparently i was charging it on a too high voltage (univeral charger where i can change it) but i swear i charged it on 20?! I am so confused!? did i? didnt i? and so they are fighting about me in front of me and i just want to cry :(

And if i dont get it fixed now, then i would have to choose: lappy or Peter. I know what yall are thinking ... IT HAS TO BE PETER!!! and you are right ... but also wrong. I could fix the lappy and talk to peter every night but it wouldnt be in person; or i could go and see him in person, but for only 2 weeks. See my dylema? I jsut feel like breaking down right here. I'm breaking up my family, hardly ever got to see Peter, and i also have to lie about him to most people: and now all of my 'problems' are starting to act up because of it, i just cant handle it!!! WHY did this have to happen?!


So i am just going to climb into bed, think about my lover (whom i love imensly!!! Will post about him soon x) and have a good old cry ...
- Ttyl, a Distressed Jack xx

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

Ok, so earlier my Laptop broke and so I am now almost completely cut off from my homework, Blogging world and my dearest Peter. So I wont be able to post and comment as much as I would for a little while :(
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But I thought that I would dedicate this post to a common problem all over the world, teens and adults included: self-confidence and conception. Peter keeps commenting to me about how he is fat and ugly, and I can find it a little upsetting, as he isn’t. No way near it! I will admit that he has the rare imperfection (sorry hunny) but we all do. But in my eyes he is still perfect, those tiny things that he blows out of proportion have the complete opposite affect on me. I love him for them! I find them adorable and unique to him.

But we all have those hang-ups. I have millions, that some people seem not to notice, and others do. It is the way life goes. Some people are friends, others: enemies. But you can’t let them get to you. Hold your head up high and see the light! Let it brush against your face as you beam with joy and happiness. Would you rather think something and MAKE it true? Or ignore it and realise that it was just your imagination? This is one of the few times that ignoring a problem will make it get better. There are billions of people all over the world and each of them have a million hang-ups, which have millions of affects, that affect millions of people. Do not be one of these people, and stand up tall and embrace these things … they are what make you, you! You are unique and beautiful. Each and every one of you!!!



You inspired me to write this Peter, and is just one of the millions of reasons why I love you. You may not like they way you look or act, but I sure do. I love you to the edge of the universe and back; and I’m sure yall do too.
- Ttyl Jack xx

Trick or Treat?!

No I haven’t gone mad. No I’m not possessed by a little evil child. I am just in the spirit of things ... and yes that WAS a pun.

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Today one thing had been on my mind and lets just say it wasn’t Halloween ... you all know who I’m talking about :) ... love you x

But first:

So today has been an average day, like most others. Except I spent half the day waiting for Mum to drop off Cedric the Skeleton (long story) and when she FINALLY did, we barely used him! Dad didn’t buy no way near enough sweets and we ran out really quickly lol, but we got all of the little kids and missed the teenage idiots ... win? I think so. But I am officially over Halloween! Because dad was being annoying and selfish and refusing to get the door I had to ... while trying to write an essay. It got to the stage that by the time I got upstairs and put my laptop on my lap, I had to take it off to get the door! I ended up moving into the Kitchen with him staring over my shoulder; which meant I couldn’t talk to the ever so lovely Peter and he left ... :(

Also, I didn’t have time to tell everyone yesterday, but I do now ... I came out to another person. Wow, it really does get better and easier, so I really can’t praise it high enough. I have been wanting to tell Elle for AGES! I have only known her for a year, but she is one of my best friends in a long time! And I really hope that me coming out doesn’t ruin it, as I have a habit of losing close friends :( So she was my ‘wild card’ as she is not bi (or gay) and does not have any openly bi (or gay) friends, so I didn’t know how she would react, but I couldn’t go on lying to her. So I just told her outright and that lead onto me and Peter, and although she has her reservations about us, she is supporting me. She truly is amazing :) But only time will tell ...

Also it isn’t a big thing, but I unofficially officially came out today; and by this I mean I changed my Facebook settings. It new says that I am in an open relationship and am interested in men and women. I decided to do it secretly, so not many people will realise, but those that bother to look will realise, so I don’t mind. It is sort of my way of coming out to the masses, without having to go through all of the OMG questions.

So that was my interesting day, and now onto my knight in shining armour. <3

He is just so ... amazing. When I am with him I just feel great. I forget about all of the problems that are in the world and me makes them disappear. He brightens my day, just by thinking about him, and I just randomly start laughing when I think about something he did earlier. And did I mention he is GREAT with his brothers? I mean even at this minute, he is having a wrestling match, and I can’t help but find it SO adorable! I mean, if it were my sister’s we would be ripping each other’s heads off, but not him. He is just so ... so ... perfect <3

So I don’t quite know how to say how I feel ... so I hope this does ...

Well? Love you Peter!

- Ttyl Jack xx

~~~Love you~~~

This is just a little poem Peter wrote me earlier, that I just HAD to share with everyone. Love you Peter xx

He tell me I am perfect
He tells me I am a God
One would get big headed , I however to not
He says thing like half past and porridge and my heart just start beating
His smile something I could not live without
He is like the sky to me always being there
He will never leave my head
I don’t know how my heart survived this long but it did
Now forever more I have my Jack

Roller Coaster over the Moon

The last few days have been a complete journey for me: I have been forwards, backwards, side to side and complete circle. It all started the other night with ’the incident’. After the party, I rushed home to meet Peter online, but when I got in he was nowhere to be seen, so I got talking to Jay. We decided to play a practical joke on him, and so Jay texted Peter that I and he were on webcam to each other wanking. In retrospective t was a bad idea, but in England a joke like this would be overlooked and ignored, but I overlooked how delicate Peter is, and I hated myself for it. He took it the wrong way [and I now know that I betrayed is trust and love] but we spent the night talking to each other. I survived the claws of Jess, who to give her, her due rewards, she is an amazing friend but very intense and overprotective. And hypocritical. (All in due time).

So I hurt Peter by going along with the joke, and in turn he hurt me by saying that we were “just friends and that’s all” and also how he will have sex with someone else. Ordinarily thus would not affect me so badly, but I have such strong emotions for him, that they overrode my logical thinking and I broke down and cried. We ended up spending most of the night having an in-depth conversation about each other, ourselves and our relationship. We decided that we would be friends and so therefore we could sleep with whoever we wanted. But at the same point, we didn’t want to deny our emotions and true feelings. So by the end of the night I had spent about 2 hours waiting for Peter, 3 hours crying and talking; and then 2 hours finalising: leaving me 2 hours of sleep before I had to get up.

I slept. He forced me to lol. But earlier on tonight, at about 5ish e got talking and ...edited ... our agreement. WE decided that although we could have physical relationships with others, we wanted to remain emotionally attached, and effectively we were in an ‘open’ relationship. So we used this label. My first official boyfriend; and I can’t even touch him. A part of me still longs to be able to fulfil that aspect of our lives and our relationship, but I can’t so I have to do the next best thing and let someone else do it. Sort of like getting plasterers for a house: it does not affect the actual structure, but makes the whole thing complete, beautiful and ties it all together. Crap analogy I know, but accurate I think.

So we have spent the last day or so finalising our relationship and how everything will work. The decorations, so to speak. We have organised everything from when we are free to talk, to the conditions under which other relationships are allowed. And I know what you are all thinking ... “what’s the point? You’re probably never going to meet each other face to face?! And isn’t it all a bit too planned?”, well the short answers are: Because we want to, so? And no. But of course you all want a bit more detail and a bit more gossip than that. So here it goes...

Even if we never meet face to face [which I hope is not the case] then at least we would have explored this part of our lived. ‘It’s better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all’ is never more apt here, and I feel it summaries everything perfectly. Just because you cannot touch God doesn’t mean that does/doesn’t exist, you cannot touch air but it is still the life giving source that it is today; and just because we cannot touch one another, does not mean that our emotions are any less real.

So the feedback we have had on both sides has been very limited and subdued. Many people have highlighted the flaws there are and what is likely to happen ect and even one person went so far as to be a total bitch when they found out and refuse to acknowledge that they may have hurt Peter’s feelings, so I had a small argument with them and gave up. People on my end are sort of in between. They want to trust me and believe that it will work, but they are finding the situation and circumstances too difficult to get past. So in the words of the famous Jay “who the fuck am I to judge YOUR HEARTS and MINDS???” But please ... I personally (and Peter too probably) would love your opinions, suggestions, advice and even stories, as it could REALLY help us.

 So I have had a bit of a Roller Coaster ride for the last few days, but I am completely and utterly Over the Moon.
- Ttyl Jack xx