Such a Slut

Thank you everyone for my Birthday messages, but that was only half of the story. So Mum came over earlier than we planed and so we got to hang out and had a laugh. She even got me a bottle of Champagne and a Cake, bless her lol. But despite being early and going out about 7, it was still a rush lol. So we got a taxi into the town centre. She sept going on about me not telling her the name of my gf and if it wasn’t an argument about that, it was about how my new necklace is WAY too tight and looks stupid. What a nice birthday surprise ... :/

So we finally made it into the Pub, where my Dad bought a round and guess what ... They didn’t even ask my age!!! All of that worry and excitement you get for that moment of “Can I see your ID? ... Yes, here it is my good sir”, but no! Haha, typical.

But I had a great time in the pub with the family. Had a few more drink and got slightly pissed lol, which was fun. I am definitely a pub kind of person. I also discovered the joys of Vodka and Monster. Mmmm... Unfortunately one of my sisters had to go and work, but me and Ariel had a DMC (Deep Meaningful Conversation). We talked about Peter, her bf, sex, telling Mum and Dad: and a whole lot more I have forgotten about. Eventually we had to leave, where I dragged my Mother to the taxi and dropped her off at her ‘regular’ pub, and I went on to my friends party.

It was a great night out (or rather in). I was late getting there obviously, so most people were already drunk/pissed, but I had fun with them. Some of my friends had got me cards and presents, like Joe got me a DVD called Beautiful Thing which is an amazing film btw lol, and they were all really nice. I even got to meet two of my Blogger Buddies for the first time: CJ at Verbal Abuse and Stefan at Conglats.  They are so cool. Random. But cool.

So the night evolved, and I got drunker and the night got funner, until it came time to drag Dana home. Not an easy task, but hilarious. So by the time I had walked her home and got back, it was time for bed. And this is where the night took ANOTHER wrong turn. And may I just point out, that at the end of my last post, I talked about how my day went from “good .. to bad ... to good ... to bad”, well let’s just say it didn’t stop then. Wouldn’t you know my luck, that I ended up sleeping next to Joe. And granted, I know yall out there will say how I was in control and how if I didn’t want anything to happen, then it wouldn’t have. And I know. It wasn’t that much, and I’ll save all you out there from the details, but I am a slut. There was a miniscule amount of over-the-trouser groping and prodding with a finger in the crotch area, until he came.

It was like someone took over me. I wasn’t even thinking about it, tbh I was daydreaming about Peter (corny but true) and the next think I know, he has soiled his underwear and I am like “Oh Shit!”. I hate myself for it, and can’t believe I did that to Peter. He assures me that he doesn’t care, and it wasn’t cheating ect, but it was. I get the distinct impression he is hurt by it. I just don’t know how to make things better between us. I feel like we are drifting a bit. I mean, I barely spoke to him today, same with yesterday, and when we have the opportunity to talk, we don’t. We’ll be on MSN or something and we’ll go quiet. I really hope there isn’t something wrong, I’d hate to lose him. But I think I have. Why do I have to do this to other people?! I always end up hurting them. Scaring them. As soon as they see my horrid personality they realise just how fucked up I am inside and how much shit they’ve got themselves into. Has Peter finally realised just how fucking stupid and pathetic I am? Should I just take a knife to my throat and end it, or would that just cause too much hassle for people to clean up?

So overall, it’s been a pretty crappy but ok 18^th

...

So as I said, I was a complete idiot and douche last night, but cheating and I got barely any sleep for the rest of the night. I was just sat there thinking about how I could let this happen, and how I had foreshadowed it and everything, and how I have hurt Peter. So I woke up pretty shattered and with a hangover. I left her house early. I popped into Sainsbury’s and got some hangover food, before I popped home. Me and Peter chatted for a couple of hours, until I had to rush off as Ariel was giving me a lift to my friends house (to film)and was running late. So I’m sorry babe x

So we spent a good hour or so driving around the surrounding area’s as I am shit and don’t know directions and maps. Why do I fail at everything?! Then we eventually found it, when I receive a text saying can I find a backup singer, as our actor hasn’t confirmed whether he can make it. Which is fucking annoying as we only have ONE actor for our media coursework (we are producing our own music video for Enter Shikari’s Ok, Time for Plan B) and he keeps flaking on us. So in a car, about 3 minutes away from the set, I have to magic up a backup. Can you guess who had to star in it? ME. With some creative genius and luck, both me and my project partner are starring in our own music video, and we end up setting up for about 2 hours and filming for about 4. We had a great time, and decided that we are going to re-film all of our other shots (with our previous actor) with me, despite having our deadline on Friday, haha. Doomed much?

So that was my day today. Hung over, missing Peter, became an actor (again), and possibly fucked up my relationship for good as I am such a slut.

Interesting to say the least :/

...

I love you baby, and I miss you. For you:

I wish I could do this with Peter. Especially the woodland scene :(


~ An Adult Jack xx