Something is wrong

Lately something strange has been happening to me. And I mean, VERY strange. Abnormal really.

I don’t know how to really explain it but I’ll give it a go. Now you must know, im usually an emotional person but I go to great lengths to make sure that its hardly ever visable. I know why and wont delve into that right now, but anyone who knows my history can probably make an educated guess.

But lately I’ve been crying.

No not because of something sad, or even happy if im honest. I’ve been crying about Christmas.

Now I know how that sounds, so no im not insane or anything. Just I’ll be listening to a song or watching a film and then suddenly im brimming up with tears for no apparent reason.

And I NEVER cry.

As a child ... sure! I could cry like the best of them. I could produce crocodile tears at the drop of a pin and real ones even easier. Scarcely a day went by where I didn’t cry, and then my Nan died and I just got fed up with everything. Long story short I repressed emotions (for various other reasons too) and I never cry anymore.

To this day, thinking of my Nan is the ONLY thing that is guaranteed to make me shed a tear. But now, this!

I know its not serious or particularly interesting. Heck, I agree with that! But it IS intriguing.

Sure I love Christmas, a lot! I mean, like a lot a lot! But not enough to be that emotional about it. I mean, why this dramatic a change in so short a space of time?

Is it because im on my own completely private? it is because im away from my family? Is it an innate characteristic that is only JUST rearing it’s head?

Or is it just one of those random changes that affects us all?

Hey Yall!

(Sorry couldnt resist)

Anyway, I have just completed my first semester (yes, they call them semesters now :/) in university and i have a LOT still left to talk about. However, I have no idea what to talk about so PLEASE!!!! comment below on what you want me to talk about ... as specific as possible? :P

Just a reminder that on friday i will be changing my URL and with that i will also be changing some of my content (to be written) but that will all be explained when the time comes.

Anyway, i was asked by Jay to include the essays i had to write for my modules in my course. So here they are (let me know if there are any problems) ...

[WARNING] These essays may bore you to extremes ... enjoy

Describe how you would prepare for and conduct an interview with a well-known personality, explaining the background theory to the approach you would take.

Media Studies is a ‘Mickey Mouse’ academic discipline. How would you counter this claim?

My favorite is by far the second! Higher word count, more interesting topic and i spent a LOT more time researching it haha. It is also coincidentally my favorite module so far and is also easier (as it is 'INTRODUCTION to Media Studies' and i have been doing Media for 4 years already haha) ... oh and before yall complain, it was compulsery :P

Um so yeah, this is basically what my first 3 months has been about and i just have one more exam left and i complete this semester. Next semester i have twice as many modules tho :/

Oh, also as i will be returning back to England on Sunday, you probably wont be hearing from me very much but i'll try to keep in touch. And i'll be back in the new year :)



As always, ttyl xx

Future?

Hey guys, so I thought its been a while since I had a nice good old fashioned rant, so get ready :P

Ok so I have been living in University accommodation for the last 3 months and am really enjoying it. I live with 6 other people in my flat, on the top floor and have met most of the people in our block. WE go out drinking together, watch some films as a group and are even planning to go out for a Christmas meal.

Life is good.

... for now ...

You see, although it may seem early, we have to plan for next years accommodation in this next month. We have to find a flat, make a deposit and the most important thing ... decide who we are going to share a house with.

Now me and most of my flat have been talking on and off about this subject for the last month, and quickly came to the assumption that the ‘boys’ of the flat would not be sharing with us as they get on better with other people. Not a problem. That left me, Bili, CC and Kay.

Now a bit of a back story: CC does not like Kay (for some unreasonable and pathetic reason) so she didn’t really want to share with her. But I presumed that she was like me, and didn’t mind who she shared a house with next year too much.

I found out recently that she and Bili had been offered placed in the ‘house’ of a group of people in her course. At this time it was just talk, and Bili didn’t want to leave Kay alone and without someone to share with so she was on the fence. I then find out that they have decided to go for it.

That left me and Kay. WRONG!

Kay has been invited to share with her friends. I am now all alone. I asked my friend form back home if I should share with her and whoever she is going with, but she doesn’t know if they will have the spare room or not ... great.

I have just asked my friend from my block if I can share with her, as I know she is sharing with most of the party animals from our block including a guy from my flat. So on the one hand, we are good friends and as there are so many we could easily split into two groups or just get a bigger house. Alternatively, as there are so many people, it will likely be a no.

I have one or two other people I can ask, but they are mainly people I know slightly or are in my class. I am really starting to panic now because everyone has picked their group and the people in my flat have royally fucked me over because they didn’t want to share in the end.

I am all alone and have no idea what to do. Sure, if I don’t have anyone to go with I can go back into housing next year and be placed with a load of strangers, but I don’t want to. I want to follow the norm and move into ‘houses’ with everyone else and preferably with at least someone I know decently well.

Im trying not to dwell on it too much because if I do I’ll start panicking and that wont turn out well. Its just I cant turn around to someone and be like PLEASE LET ME MOVE IN WITH YOU! YOUR MY LAST CHANCE!

Internally I’m just screaming constantly about this, but externally im trying to look calm. I hate that my flat all seem to get on better with other people and have a group that they are going to be living with, and the group that I want to do this with don’t.

I just feel like an outcast, who may not have a home next year ...

Hair

Hey guys, just another quick post because i want your oppinions :)

I'm going to get my hair cut soon (well, christmas time lol) but i have a dilema ...

To cut my hair or to not cut my hair!!!

Well i could either leave my hair long and straighten it and everything, a kind of emo mysterious style,

or

i could cut it short like i used to and i get to gell it and play with it that i do miss but i dont know how well it suits me

So i have set up a poll for you to vote on. Poll closes on the 16 and PLEASE vote! i need to know which style suits me best (both will be black but i't should be more like black highlights if i cut short)



VOTE!!!!!

vs

A Quick Catch-Up

Sorry Guys, i know i've been away a lot lol but i'll be back soon. So just a quick catch up ...

So my Love Life is um ...







(in that order lol)

courses are picking up nicely, exam (SINGULAR ... yay) in Jan and just got one more essay to do and then i'm done for the rest of the year!

Peter has been busy lately but he will be posting soon.

And in bigger news, i'll be changing my blog URL on the 16th!!! mainly because i have people checking up on me and keeping tabs etc which is uite off-putting and means i have to be a lot more ambigious with my posts (as im sure a LOT of you are realing and getting annoyed with haha).

So obviously i cant post my new URL here as well that defeats the object of it, and i have been told that i will be removed from your blogroll, so i will give the new URL to a select few people to post and just refollow me if you want :)

sorry for the inconveniance.

So in the words of Porky Pig ... "Thats all folks!"

... oh and only 6 ore days till my brthday! YAY lol

Love?!

So my last post confused and intrigued many of you, resulting in a plethera of different responses and idea's as to what the post was about. But no one guessed the actual topic.

Some came close but didnt quite make the distance.

As of a week or so ago i had 5 people proclaiming thier undying love for me.

JOY! you may think but no! It was a living hell!

I have the innate ablility to make people fall in love with me. I dont mean this in a boastful or big headded way, but i mean its true. What's worse is that i dont feel the same way about them which jsut makes things awkward and uncomfortable.

I mean these are the people who claim their love for me as of a week ago:

The one whom I love but is also off sleeping with others
The one whom Loves me AND my ex
The one whom proclaimed their love for me after a day
The one whom i kissed (ok so he doesnt quite love me but likes me a lot)
The one whom i have been kinda seeing

Now i can live with this, these mysterious 5 people, but less than 24 hours later this list dropped down to 4.

Turns out that the guy whom i have been kinda seeing got drunk, proclaimed his love for me and didnt actually mean it. I mean, who says they love someone when they are drunk and dont correct it until they are about to break up with someone?!

Who does that!?

I wasnt hurt by his shit excuse that he has 'too much on his plate atm' and i wasnt that upset that he was thinking of breaking up with me ... whilst i was there! but to say you love someone when you dont mean it is just harsh!!!

I dont really know what else to say. This post would have been a LOT longer if my internet hadnt broken and made me wait a week before writing this but idk, just its a harsh thing for a prick to do.

I've decided i'm going to become a monk. At least they dont get fucked arround with.



Oh and he did it by text ...



But w/e ...

?!

Love?!