Come What May

I love you baby xxx

Out with the Old and In with the New Part 1

So my dad and sister finished work early for this week, so they decided to have a bit of a spring clean. But it isn’t what you think. No, they weren’t tidying, no they weren’t cleaning, no they weren’t even refurbishing! They were painting.

Logical, since they are both painter and decorators.

So since they were home I got a lift into college, which was good as I felt like shit today. I actually thought I may have passed out in English class. And then in Media Studies And I lost my voice in Sociology.

But this isn’t what I want to talk about. It just seems like this is the time that everything gets renewed. Something happened the other day that just reminded me of the past. Of something that was SUCH a happy memory it will forever hurt me.

My best friend former best friend.

Matt and Me ... I couldn't smile then and I can't smile now :/

I met him on the first day of school and we were inseparable for 6 years. I mean, INSEPARABLE.

We looked like twins to the extent that our teachers used to get us confused, not helped by the fact that we had to wear uniforms lol. But I loved him, more than a friend, more than a brother, he was my world. We went swimming together every Wednesday which was great fun and we used to ave great fun together, and before I got self conscious of my body we went every week, without fail. Then there was school and we sat next to each other every lesson all day. I remember once in art we ‘fought’ over the paint and he spilled it all over me!

So many memories...

Like the time we played football in the classroom and he fell over and hit his head on the table. He cut his head open and needed it to be glued together. I was the one to faint.

He was my only friend, my companion, my first love, you could say, and although I will always have these memories to carry with me in my heart, they can never replace the real thing.

Grr, how I hate Spring Cleaning. All it does is stir up old dust that best be left alone.

Jack xx

P.S. I love you baby, I hope you dont just fade to memories too xx

My Tue Night ...

So as of now on, me and my friend Jake help out at a youth group and then share a bottle of cheap cider caled White Star. It makes me feal soo cheap, but at £1.60 for a liter (my half when shared with Jake) we have a good time.

Tonight wasn't too bad. I managed to get a lift home so i could talk to Peter, who was sleeping so i had to wait. But we had a nice chat and i think we sorted everything out. It was mainly me being paranoid and emotional about feeling replaced by his Jake.

So at the youth club i had a good time, where i set up the Wii, checked them in and was in charge of the money ect. WE made valentines day cards that made me both happy and sad.

When making then i had a blast, showing the kids how to do it and helping out ect, but it wasnt until later on that i remeembered ...


Last time i made this card, at this youth club, it wass for my nan. I never gave it to her.

I made it when i was 14 years old and yes it was a valentines day card, but she was like a mother to me better than a mother, she loved e and i never argued with her. I loved her to pieces, so it was only natural that i should express my love on a day dedicated to showing this love.

It was beautiful, it waws cream with red flowers, a beatuifully inscribed message ect and i stuffed the envilope fill of heart confetti for her, but when i got home i forgot about it. I found it about a year or two ago. She died before i had a chance to give it to her.

Its one of the many things that haunt me to this day. Like the time i unexpectidly brought my friend to play arround her house, when i should have been keeping her company. The time that i insisted we get talke-out after she spent hours cooking. All the times i took for granted and didnt say 'i love you'. I wish i could just show her how i love her, one last time!

So here i am, jogging home (yes, i jog!) and it strikes me just how much i miss her, and so now i'm in a bad and sad mood :(

But before that, me and jake had a great convo while we shared our 2litre bottle of cheap cider lol: its our new tuesday tradition lol. I had a good time and we talked about almost everything, including most of last weeks conversation that he repeated lol. So it was a strange night lol.

And baby, i love you and there is no Harm done! Even if i'll be on your back for the next month about spelling, grammar and punctuation x


~ Jack xx

Last Few Days ...

My Cleaner Friend

I think I’m being stalked. By the cleaner. I’m not joking. Well actually, he probably thinks its the other way around.

As I’ve been staying late at college for like the last month, I’ve been seeing a lot of the cleaner.

No, not his anatomy.

He is quite nice and friendly, a little weird, but he is nice so I like him. I mean, it all began a long long time ago ...

I’ve seen him around before and usually I made an excuse to leave the room while he hovered, because he HAS to start with the back room. Then one day I decided ‘fuck it’ I’ll stay.

But being the overtly nice person I am, I felt too awkward to just sit there, so I shuffled around and helped him move a chair or two. Usually I would tidy the room next door as I’m waiting for my video to render. So I was now helping him to clean ...

Then today I had to film myself for my interview DVD for Uni, and he wanted to Hoover, but said he would leave it as I wanted to film. Aww, strangers are so nice. So I did my filming and he came in when I was tidying up and packing away the equipment, to ask what I was doing. So I responded and it went on from there.

We made small talk and big talk, I pitched him my film idea ect and I had fun, although it caught me by surprise so it was a tad awkward. So in the end we went our separate ways lol. But you know the strange thing? ...

I still don’t know his name ... something I’ve been curious about since the start, because it frustrates me when you see someone regularly and don’t know it. Like bus drivers, you hear the older people say “thank you driver” and I think “OMG! Driver?!” but then I think, yeah, that’s correct :/

So if your reading this, hello Mr Cleaner person, I like you as you seem nice, even if you are kind of weird. But hey! What’s life without a little strangeness in it?!

Jack xx

Oh, I was thinking about what to do with the holiday dilemma when this song came onto my iPod. I think it kinda fits ...

Confusion

So in Peter’s blog (here) he mentioned that I MAY be going away in June. And so I thought I would explain my reasons for and against, for everyone, for my baby and just for myself, so here it goes. And sorry if it sounds selfish or like I am bias, I don’t mean to be and I’m not.

Ok, so it will be about £200 to go with my friends on a 4 day holiday where we would  rent a big house for about 15 of us and we would just live together. We wouldn’t do much, basically play cards, computer games, sleep and drink. What every teenager does. And it would be the LAST time I can go and see everyone together for years, if ever again. I have only known then for a year, but they are some of my closest friends in a really long time.

I (we) was (were) also hoping that I would be able to go and see Peter for about July time (roughly) but this would cost about £1000 so save up, which would be difficult to save. I think I can make it, but not sure. It all depends on if my sister can be my taxi sat and sun so I can get there, and pay here for petrol ... I’ll explain at another time.

So my dilemma: do I go with my friends for the last time, or do I go with my boyfriend for what could be the last time. I mean, if I don’t go to see him, it is very likely I will lose the one I love. And I don’t want that, but I don’t want to save and save and save, just to find out it is too late to go with my friends and I cant afford to see Peter. I would just be sat at home alone for a month, alone, with no friend and no bf.

Now, I know yall will just be saying ‘go with Peter, he’s your bf’, but its not that simple.

I hate myself for saying this, but they are my friends and I don’t want to lose them. I’ve done that before where I made one gil my everything and I literally had to scramble to get SOME friends in the end, and most people never spoke to me after that. I don’t want to do that again :(

I am the MOST INDECISIVE person in the world and I hate it. I know I upset peter because I know in this situation, he would pick me without a second thought. I just don’t know what to pick.

I mean, if yall had the choice between seeing family (they are like my family, if not better ... except for Ariel) or the one you have undying love for, which could you choose? How can you measure love, especially when it is different kinds of love?

I want to go and see Peter, its just idk. I’m just not sure and I hate it :’(

Jack

P.S. Baby, your not alone, i love you forever!

Yipeee

Hey everyone, so i was gonna post a while back about my week ect, but i forgot it LOL. sorry been drinking, I will explain. So me and Jake help out at a youth group for children about 10-14, and it was my first day today. It was a lot of fun!!

We did things like Pants Challangwe (how any times can you pull a pair of pants up and down) and paper wars (like paintballing but with paper) ect.

So after all the tidying was done, we sast down and chatted about the night, Kinda awkward as its a Christian youth group and i'm not a Christian, but the main leader knows i'm not (or should), but oh well. I'm nopt there to preach (not that they do) but to make it fun and enjoyable for the ltitle'uns.

So after we left, me and jake were going to get some food And in the end, got some cider. In the end qe got some real cheappy shit lol but it was like twice the % incidentally. 1 litler each = good time.

I think we ended up licking each others face, in a game of 'chicken'. Oh well.

Thank god i have a lye in tomorow morning :P

~ Jack xx
(i'll try to post more often lol)